Hi there.....its been a while I'm not back though I just wanted to type
down here some problems its long so you don't have to read all of it I
spend most of my time typing it down on my phone because when I have
problems I like to write them down because it helps a lot. I may
discovered a few more things about myself now....



How am I feeling now? Sad and depressed.....It seems any trouble I try
and face can be very hard for me...I am trying not to run away
but....*Sighs* That may be the case. Sometimes I noticed I have been
running around in the same spot, like for instance I lock my emotions
away and be happy. I make sure there ins no sadness within me,
containing them. I would rather cry where my family or friends don't see
me. I want to cry and scream but the sound is not there.....I guess I
still need help of errors in my life...I don't like people seeing me
unhappy. So I do my very best not to show it at all......people who are
brave and strong can fall easily sometimes. Since I contain my emotions
when it comes out I snap at people accidentally and try to control
it.....this got me thinking its quite new to me...I hate when that
happens. It cause me to go back and close myself from people, so they
don't get hurt and for me not to hurt myself more.....




If.....my emotions are that strong then...thats what I may be afraid
of...I am not sure what to do at this point now, that's why if needed I
will have to take a temp leave from Vizzed I have so many unanswered
questions about myself to know more....What can it be that I am so
afraid of...I thought maybe to get it off my chest of what the problem
is...I'm not sure though of to think or how to start from
somewhere....Could it be that I am missing something that I haven't
thought of? That could also be the case but...it was selfish of me to
leave like that because people were only trying to help and asked *Why
am I leaving?* I didn't want to answer it. I have been away for sometime
now my friends wanted to know.....but I only told a few and those
people. As I am I don't go and say hey I am leaving! That, that's just
not right I leave quietly the one time I came on was for Kens birthday a
few days ago.....



I am no good with attention that I know it was the pressure of giving
out the answers so many wanted to know why....I couldn't take it so I
did what I had to do which was important and left.....I think a lot, not
sure why but what come up would be life and about me. I sometimes think
of my past as well but, not so much now. I wonder about many
things......See? I do a lot of thinking but, I would rather be happy and
not focus on that. From this point of view its a whole different talk
for me as I see this. That is why I am a very quite girl.....I may be on
meds that's keeping me alive now but I don't see me as different  from
the rest of people who have the same conditions I have....



I think.....thats what I might have to work on...my emotions.....if I
can do that then maybe that won't be one part of myself that will
frighten me......why do you ask that I am cared of it? Because it has
been contained for 22 and, half years of my life.....emotions are very
powerful thing to many people because it is used differently in their
own hearts.....remember my last thread? I said I was reading a book that
sensei gave to me. that has done some help of releasing but, its very
powerful. So I may stop from time to time reading it. Then go back when I
am ready....I guess I do have a lot to say  off my chest about these
things.....it is really good to talk it out with one person. See what
he/she, say and do some more thinking to help and improve.



Like I said......I always find it hard to ask for help and advice so the
person who noticed and wanted to help me on that was Corrina
(Sunflower) she really is a big help, that I thank her for. I talk to
her and say how I feel. Now some people got to know it takes years to
improve on this. And  a lot of hard work too... so I know in the future I
will be better as I am now. I'm still learning we all are but I like to
take things slow and steady. So that's why I am happy most of the time
and not to think of this personal stuff of mine. Anything can put me in a
good mood playing games, my friends on Vizzed cooking and many more. A
lot of people ask *Eni why are you so happy everyday?* I say


*Well always make the most of your life. Be happy and smile when you can
everyday. It may be hard but that is what most people need. Which is a
simple smile, no matter what you go through in life* I do that to
brighten a persons day when they are sad or grumpy.


I don't like sad people so I go out of my way to smile for them.
now and then I lose mine....then I get reminded to always smile even
when though rough times.....I just do what I can on Vizzed and be happy.
Yes I know life sucks but if you find something that will make you
smile then that thing is worthwhile. Like I said before I won't be
talking about my past. That is something I have gradually moved on from.
I just need to focus on my future like everyone else. I can't promise
it will be a bright one though. I will do what I can to get better even
if it will be hard. You really can go through changes on this site.....



remember not everyone is perfect in their life as people know everyone
goes through tough, hard rough times all it takes is a person or a few
people to help. If Vizzed is indeed a family then do what you can to
help others please.



Sorry if this was long..... I hope I get it right this time.....for the summons.


SunflowerGaming :
Frodlex : sensei needed to see this....
TornadoMudip:
Supercool: you were really worried so I summoned you....

Eniitan : its ok eni take all the time you need but I would love to see you back.

remember monty pythons's song

Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best... And...always look on the bright side of life... Always look on the light side of life...

If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle - that's the thing. And...always look on the bright side of life... Always look on the light side of life...

For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin - give the audience a grin
Enjoy it - it's your last chance anyhow. So always look on the bright side of death Just before you draw your terminal breath

Life's a piece of s***
When you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true.
You'll see it's all a show
Keep 'em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you. And always look on the bright side of life... Always look on the right side of life... (Come on guys, cheer up!) Always look on the bright side of life... Always look on the bright side of life... (Worse things happen at sea, you know.) Always look on the bright side of life... (I mean - what have you got to lose?) (You know, you come from nothing - you're going back to nothing. What have you lost? Nothing!) Always look on the right side of life...

TornadoMudkip : look up
supercool22 : look up also

Eniitan : It's very courageous of you to post your feelings. Take all the time you need and come back when you're ready. I'm sure everyone will agree with me and understand your situation.

Eniitan : I'm glad to hear from you again.
It's cool that you let us know what's going on. I've actually been in similar situations as you are in (Boxing up all emotions, and depression mostly.). I would have done the same thing. Anyways, do whatever you need to do in real life, don't forget though, if you need to talk to anyone we'll always be here for you. I hope you soon start feeling better for real though, not just putting on a brave face for everyone. I hope you come back soon though.

Ok. I am sorry but this will not be that wordy of a post but I hope it helps in any way possible .  Enni you are not going to be happy all the time  and you will not always have a perfect life ( you know that already probably ) but you are happy ( in my opinion ) most of the time which means that your life is goof and worth living .  I am sure that I could not do  the things you do or go through the problems you go through . It takes a heck of a lot of strength which means you are a miraculously strong girl . You might be sad now or when you made this thread but  you will be happy soon because you are that strong . If you have strong emotions it is not that good to bottle them up . When you get mad or sad then try to express it .... Not by shouting or yelling at people but in a calm and decent way . I am going to take piano classes to get rid of mine because yes I do have strong emotions. You like writing so maybe you can try that . Or whatever you want  . As for your past ... you cannot change it. I have done things that I will have to live with everyday but I still stay strong because I know that if you can do it then I can do it too . And life can suck sometimes and when it does ... you wake up ... And TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVE IT TO WIN THE WORLD HEAVY WEIGHT ... CHAMPIONSHIP !!!. Sorry  got a little out of context there . I also listen to songs that help me to beat and take down every obstacle life throws at me .  It is going to get be  ugly before it gets beautiful ( not saying you are ugly  because you are actually pretty and nice and beautiful and other good adjectives )  And it is good you have someone to talk to . You can talk to me too if you want  Continue fighting and you will win eventually As for the songs that I listen to I can give you the links if you want .  I hope I helped in some way possible     Heheh . This was a wordy post . I did not expect to type this much . I am still typing . Still typing . Have A Nice Day

Eniitan, I hope you are able to find the balancing point of your emotions. I've been on those roller coaster rides. The DEEP sadness and the over the top happiness. It hurts and it's exhausting. The only thing that I have ever found that really helps is to focus your mind on something that you really want to achieve and go into tunnel vision mode.

A Vizzed example of this is deciding to "play every Star Trek game and write a review on it". When that is finished "make 5 new layouts". It's OK to get sidetracked talking to people because if you do you'll be so focused that you will be pleasant or whatever.

A real life example of this is "bake a cake" or "make a nick-knack". 

If you get bored with all of it, that is a warning sign that the roller coaster is coming. Better find something brand new to focus on quickly.

I don't know if this advice will help you and some people might even say that this is avoiding the problem. To those people I say that the roller coaster that I am describing is a chemical imbalance in the brain. How do you fix a chemical imbalance? Maybe through diet, exercise, therapy and medication but maybe this focusing will help too. Good luck my friend.

Eniitan : Eniitan, if you need to take a break from Vizzed, then do it.  As much as we need you here, your health is more important.  That said, we do love having you here, and you will always have my support.  

Also, life doesn't suck.  It rocks!  It just takes a LOT of getting used to, and it can be really difficult at times.  It's so easy to get depressed in this modern society that doesn't care enough.  But it's harder to pick yourself back up when you're on the ground.  You do need helping hands, and can't get out of this slump on your own.  Talk to people about your problems with respect, and in general, they will respect you, even if they don't have the advice you need.  I can't ever remember one instance that you've talked to someone rudely here on Vizzed.  It's harder to talk with respect to the people you're close to (believe me, I know), but it is worth it.  So much sorrow comes from letting your loved ones down, sorrow that I still have from past mistakes.  Don't let yourself end up that way.  I know there's a way back up, both for me and for you.  Let's do this together!

hunter31626 : I hate to be a stick in the mud, but please don't post lengthy comments like that, especially when they could be just as easily avoided by posting a link to the song. Not that I don't commend you for trying to cheer her up, just make your posts more personal and less spammy. I had to ignore the word count so that you didn't have an unfair advantage over other users with original content.

Eniitan : We all have our burdens to bear; some more than others. Who really knows why that is. The only thing I know is that, through every positive and negative occurrence in life, there are always lessons to be learned. In the end, it is all worthwhile. You know that if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here for you.

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