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04-25-24 10:53 AM

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bad jokes
let's just see what happens
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Ziggy
11-23-08 01:29 PM
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bad jokes

 

01-09-09 02:02 PM
benza is Offline
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there always those jokes that people have to laugh at thereselves
there always those jokes that people have to laugh at thereselves
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01-09-09 02:50 PM
Ziggy is Offline
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care to give an example?
care to give an example?
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01-22-09 11:24 AM
DarkHyren is Offline
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benza, wtf are you on about?

anyway, the madness continues!

How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb in a tree and act like a nut.

Two fish were in a tank. One said to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

What happens when two snails fight?
They slug it out.

Two parrots were sitting on a perch. One said to the other, "It smells fishy around here."
benza, wtf are you on about?

anyway, the madness continues!

How do you catch a squirrel?
Climb in a tree and act like a nut.

Two fish were in a tank. One said to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

What happens when two snails fight?
They slug it out.

Two parrots were sitting on a perch. One said to the other, "It smells fishy around here."
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(edited by DarkHyren on 01-23-09 04:15 PM)    

01-22-09 03:19 PM
Ziggy is Offline
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is your refrigerator running? then you better go catch it (seriously, worst joke ever)
is your refrigerator running? then you better go catch it (seriously, worst joke ever)
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01-23-09 08:04 AM
DarkHyren is Offline
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What have womens breats and a playstation got in common?
They were both created for children but are used mostly by men.

What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A pitbull in a playground.

What's green, got 4 legs, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you.
A pool table.

2 potatoes were cooking in an oven.
One potato turns to the other and says "Geez, it's hot in here!"
The other one says "WHOA!!! A talking potato!"
What have womens breats and a playstation got in common?
They were both created for children but are used mostly by men.

What has 4 legs and 1 arm?
A pitbull in a playground.

What's green, got 4 legs, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you.
A pool table.

2 potatoes were cooking in an oven.
One potato turns to the other and says "Geez, it's hot in here!"
The other one says "WHOA!!! A talking potato!"
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01-23-09 12:48 PM
Ziggy is Offline
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what's black white and red all over?

a nun falling down the steps
what's black white and red all over?

a nun falling down the steps
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01-23-09 04:15 PM
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Two blondes walk into a building..........
you'd think at least one of them would have seen it
Two blondes walk into a building..........
you'd think at least one of them would have seen it
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01-24-09 10:02 AM
Ziggy is Offline
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actors need to make it look believable when they get slapped in a movie. a good actor when hit will move his face in the direction of the slap. a bad actor will move his face into the place that the slap is coming from. a blonde will do nothing for a few seconds, then say "ow my foot hurts"
actors need to make it look believable when they get slapped in a movie. a good actor when hit will move his face in the direction of the slap. a bad actor will move his face into the place that the slap is coming from. a blonde will do nothing for a few seconds, then say "ow my foot hurts"
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01-24-09 02:38 PM
DarkHyren is Offline
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A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.
"My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," said the vet, "let's have a look at him".
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth.
Finally, the vet says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy".
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.
"My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"
"Well," said the vet, "let's have a look at him".
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth.
Finally, the vet says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy".
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01-25-09 01:37 PM
Ziggy is Offline
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"Waiter, there's a fly in my soup. What's it doing?"

"The backstroke" (classic overused old joke)
"Waiter, there's a fly in my soup. What's it doing?"

"The backstroke" (classic overused old joke)
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01-28-09 09:20 AM
DarkHyren is Offline
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I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him $50 that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him $50 that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
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01-28-09 04:23 PM
Ziggy is Offline
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so these 2 guys are golfing. the first guy hits the ball and it lands in the rough. "G-d dammit i missed," he says. the other guy tells him, "you should say His name in vain or He'll strike you down." so at the next hole, the first golfer is soooo close to the hole, and he misses his putt. "G-d dammit i missed!" and the other one responds, "you shouldn't be using G-d's name in vain or you'll be struck down." it's the 18th hole, and the first golfer hits the ball...and it lands in a bunker. "G-D DAMMIT I MISSED!" all of a sudden, the sky gets very cloudy and a lightning bolt comes down from the sky, hitting the second golfer. all of a sudden, a big, booming voice says, "GOD DAMMIT I MISSED"
so these 2 guys are golfing. the first guy hits the ball and it lands in the rough. "G-d dammit i missed," he says. the other guy tells him, "you should say His name in vain or He'll strike you down." so at the next hole, the first golfer is soooo close to the hole, and he misses his putt. "G-d dammit i missed!" and the other one responds, "you shouldn't be using G-d's name in vain or you'll be struck down." it's the 18th hole, and the first golfer hits the ball...and it lands in a bunker. "G-D DAMMIT I MISSED!" all of a sudden, the sky gets very cloudy and a lightning bolt comes down from the sky, hitting the second golfer. all of a sudden, a big, booming voice says, "GOD DAMMIT I MISSED"
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03-01-09 01:39 PM
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i got a similar one

God and Jesus are playing Golf
Jesus stikes and Hole-in-ones.
god strikes and the ball is snatched away by a rondent. the rondent was caught by an eagle and while circling over the hole a lightning bolt strikes from the sky, burning the eagle and the rondent to a crisp.
The ball is unharmed and falls directly into the hole when Jesus got angry and yelled "Do we play Golf or just fooling around?"
i got a similar one

God and Jesus are playing Golf
Jesus stikes and Hole-in-ones.
god strikes and the ball is snatched away by a rondent. the rondent was caught by an eagle and while circling over the hole a lightning bolt strikes from the sky, burning the eagle and the rondent to a crisp.
The ball is unharmed and falls directly into the hole when Jesus got angry and yelled "Do we play Golf or just fooling around?"
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03-02-09 03:06 PM
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Man walks into a bar orders 12 yr old scotch the bartender sees some 5 yr old scotch and gives it to him thinking he won't be able to tell the difference. The man takes one drink and says, "sir I ordered 12 yr old scotch this is clearly 5 yr old scotch" the bartender goes into the back and gets 10yr old scotch to test him. the man drinks it says this is 10 yr old scotch, the bartender says okay i was testing you ill get you 12 yr old scotch and its on the house. a man sitting in the bar goes up to the man and says hey you're good try this, he hands the man a drink, he takes a sip spits it out and says this tastes like urine! and the other man says, yeah but how old am I?
Man walks into a bar orders 12 yr old scotch the bartender sees some 5 yr old scotch and gives it to him thinking he won't be able to tell the difference. The man takes one drink and says, "sir I ordered 12 yr old scotch this is clearly 5 yr old scotch" the bartender goes into the back and gets 10yr old scotch to test him. the man drinks it says this is 10 yr old scotch, the bartender says okay i was testing you ill get you 12 yr old scotch and its on the house. a man sitting in the bar goes up to the man and says hey you're good try this, he hands the man a drink, he takes a sip spits it out and says this tastes like urine! and the other man says, yeah but how old am I?
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03-02-09 06:01 PM
Ziggy is Offline
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oh man, that last one was great

Doctor: Well, I have some bad news and some really bad news.
Man: Well, give me the really bad news first.
Doctor: You have cancer, and only 6 months to live.
Man: And the bad news?
Doctor: You have Alzheimer’s disease.
Man: That’s great. I was afraid I had cancer!
oh man, that last one was great

Doctor: Well, I have some bad news and some really bad news.
Man: Well, give me the really bad news first.
Doctor: You have cancer, and only 6 months to live.
Man: And the bad news?
Doctor: You have Alzheimer’s disease.
Man: That’s great. I was afraid I had cancer!
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06-13-09 06:48 PM
mudman is Offline
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Whats black and white and red all over?
Two vampires fighting over a used tampon!

What do you call a circular poo?
Oh s***!

Why did the blonde cross the road?
The blinking sign said walk!

Whats black and white and red all over?
Two vampires fighting over a used tampon!

What do you call a circular poo?
Oh s***!

Why did the blonde cross the road?
The blinking sign said walk!

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06-17-09 11:33 PM
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Alright...bad joke!

So a guy is getting examined by his doctor. His doctor says top him "Mr. Murray, you really have to stop masturbating!"

Mr. Murray says "Why?"

The doc says "At least let me finish your physical first!"
Alright...bad joke!

So a guy is getting examined by his doctor. His doctor says top him "Mr. Murray, you really have to stop masturbating!"

Mr. Murray says "Why?"

The doc says "At least let me finish your physical first!"
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06-30-09 10:02 AM
aznJohn is Offline
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this one's racist but oh well.

what does CHANGE stand for Obama?
Come
Help
A
Niggah
Get
Elected

this one's racist but oh well.

what does CHANGE stand for Obama?
Come
Help
A
Niggah
Get
Elected

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06-30-09 10:59 AM
shredknives is Offline
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Christmas related jokes?

How many elves does it take to make a bean bag chair?
- 4 if you shove 'em in real tight.

I used to hear people say:

Santa (To the elves): Why are you all so short?
Elves: We stopped growing when you said we couldn't have a raise, Why are you so fat?
Santa: Fat? Oh that... It's because every time I had sex with your mothers, they gave me milk and cookies.

I thought that was "bad" enough
Christmas related jokes?

How many elves does it take to make a bean bag chair?
- 4 if you shove 'em in real tight.

I used to hear people say:

Santa (To the elves): Why are you all so short?
Elves: We stopped growing when you said we couldn't have a raise, Why are you so fat?
Santa: Fat? Oh that... It's because every time I had sex with your mothers, they gave me milk and cookies.

I thought that was "bad" enough
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07-01-09 12:21 PM
Nejibro is Offline
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Ok I have bad joke, but I don't think Michael Jackson did anything to kids, however this is still funny.

Before Farrah Fawcet died she made a wish that all little kids would be safe.

Thats the punchline.
Ok I have bad joke, but I don't think Michael Jackson did anything to kids, however this is still funny.

Before Farrah Fawcet died she made a wish that all little kids would be safe.

Thats the punchline.
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