Don't know if you're gonna get this joke or not...
How many psychiatrists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one but the lightbulb changes itself jaja.

Why does a hummingbird hum?

Answer: Because it forgot the words of the song

Why did the chicken cross the road?

There was an old man taking such a wonderful hike along a path on a mountain. A few minutes afterward he began taking such a wonderful hike on a mountain, he had met an old woman along the way. They both walked and chatted whilst taking the wonderful hike. After the hike had ended, the old man proposed to the old woman. They ended becoming married. Two weeks into the future, the old man and the old woman decided to take such a wonderful hike on the exact path, again. The man had informed his wife that he must use the restroom before his bladder had an accident and exploded. He visited the restroom and after he had completed urinating, he stumbled upon an unexpected cliff. The old man was curious to see what was beyond the cliff. Thirty minutes had occurred and the old man's wife when searching for her husband. She searched in the restroom and by the unexpected cliff without knowing he was even nearby the unexpected cliff in the recent past. What had occurred to the old man?

Answer: The old man had autumned off of the unexpected cliff. Definition of autumned: Fell

I will inform you that I hadn't received this hilarious joke from the internet and I had discovered the whole joke currently using my brain. The old man autumning off of the unexpected cliff was created by me about four or five years into the past. I had improved the answer of the hilarious joke. What do you think of my hilarious joke, drago?

Wow. I have been busy for so long and I forgot to check this thread! I guess this weeks winner will be Jcs1: !

Three women are stranded on an island in the Pacific Ocean. Shore is one hundred miles away from the island the three women are stranded on. Woman one decides to attempt to swim to shore. She swims ten miles and becomes tired. She returns to the island. Woman two decides to swim to shore. She swims twenty-five miles and becomes tired. She returns to the island. Woman three decides to swim to shore. She swims fifty miles and becomes tired. She returns to the island. What had the third woman done that was extremely idiotic?

Answer: The shore is one hundred miles away from the island the three women are stranded on. The third woman decided to swim to shore. She swam fifty miles until becoming tired. She swam back to the island which is fifty miles. Fifty plus fifty equals one hundred. One hundred is the range between the island and the shore. Woman three could have swam the rest of the way.

Five cats had stumbled upon a cliff on a mountain. One of the cats had jumped off the cliff, purposely. How many cats remained?

Answer: None of the cats remained because they were all copycats.

I hope my jokes will qualify.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

It didn't.

It got hit by a truck.

What do you call a pig that does karate?  A pork-chop.

Three women die in a car crash.  They are sent to the gates of heaven.  God tells them that in order to enter heaven, the women must each climb 100 stairs.  On each step a joke will be told, and the women cannot laugh, or else they won't enter heaven.  Woman 1 gets to the third step and laughs.  She cannot go to heaven.  Woman 2 gets to the fifteenth step, laughs, and cannot go to heaven.  Woman 3 gets to the 99th step and laughs.  God asks her, "Why'd you laugh?" The woman replies, "I finally got the first joke."

The ones above were told to me by my friend.

READ CAREFULLY~ 
None of these jokes were meant to hurt anyone's feelings!

What do you call a young mexican?
A paragraph.
Why?
Because he hasn't grown into an essay yet.

Two blondes walk into a bar. You would think one of them would have seen it.

Redneck jokes, everyone has a million of these.
YOU KNOW YOU'RE A REDNECK IF-
Your two year old has more teeth than you!
YOU KNOW YOU'RE A REDNECK IF-
You wear a tank top to work, and so does your husband!
YOU KNOW YOU'RE A REDNECK IF-
You go to family reUNIONs to pick up chicks!
YOU KNOW YOU'RE A REDNECK IF-
You call fast food hitting a deer at 65 mph!
YOU KNOW YOU'RE A REDNECK IF-
An episode of Walker Texas Ranger changed your life!
YOU KNOW YOU'RE A REDNECK IF-
Someone has ever accused you of lying through your tooth!

I hope you have enjoyed these jokes for what they were meant to be, AKA not offensive, just hilarious. If you don't get any of the jokes, think about them literally, then ask me if you are still unsure.

I forgot about this one, I got it from my teacher.

Me and my wife decide to go on a trip in the mountains. We ride horse and buggy. We get to a ditch, the horse stops, I say "That's one, horse, now get moving!" So the horse goes along some more. Now we come to a fallen log, and the horse stops again. "Horse, that's two! Get going!" So we're trotting along, and we get to a fallen bridge, the horse stops again... I say "Horse, that's three." I pull out my pistol and shoot the horse in the head. That horse was carrying all of our supplies. So I say to my wife, go get some bags to carry. She says no. I pull out my pistol and say "That's one, woman." 


Here's another one. 
Close your eyes after reading this joke and do it in your head. It works better if I tell you, but you'll be able to get it.
Clip-clop clip-clop (Horse trotting) Clip-clop clip-clop (Horse trotting)
Clip-clop clip-clop (Horse trotting) POW! Clip-clop clip-clop (Horse trotting)
Clip-clop clip-clop (Horse trotting) POW! Clip-clop clip-clop (Horse trotting)
Clip-clop clip-clop (Horse trotting) POW! Clip-clop clip-clop (Horse trotting)
Now, what do you think that was?
An Amish drive-by .

Wow. Alot of jokes this week! This week's winner will be ProGamer135: !

Why is santas sack so big?
because he only comes once a year.

drago :

Correct Summon: ProGamer135: You're this week's winner.
Incorrect Summon: This week's winner will be ProGamer135: .
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Your mother is extremely stupid because she stole free cookies from a grocery store.
Your mother is extremely plump because she strolled across the television and I missed a thirty minute television series.
Your mother is extremely stupid because I added a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool and she ended up drowning.
Your mother is extremely stupid because she scaled a glass wall to take a gander where the opposite side sets.
Your mother is extremely old because she still has a free Shop Rite coupon from Jesus Christ.
Your mother is extremely plump because she traveled around New York City wearing a yellow raincoat and whilst humans constantly yelled, "Taxi! Taxi!"

What do you think of my your mother jokes, drago?

''I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a s***zu.''

and
 "A dyslexic man walks into a bra''  ( Im allowed to say this one because im mildly dyslexic)

Question.
Is this a "Whoever can post the most blatantly copy/pasted joke wins!" or one of those ones where the one with the best material wins?

big fat cat : Well the joke dosen't HAVE to be yours (It can be from a friend) but it can't be copied and pasted. Thats against the rules as I have stated in my first post.

This joke popped into my head just now.

Q:What do you do to get ride of bullies?
A:Tell them where babies come from.
(Is that inappropriate?)

Giegas :
big fat cat :

I hate to break it to you guys but... I don't understand your jokes! Re-write them or explain them to me please.

I'll try to recollect this joke I heard correctly. Made me laugh!

A man notices a sign in a pet shop window
"Talking Dog for Sale........"
Intrigued, he enters and asks the shopkeeper if he can see the dog. He approaches the dog..
"I believe you can talk" says the man.
"Yep" replies the dog.
"So tell me about yourself" the man continues.
"Well," says the dog, "I discovered I had this gift pretty young and approached the government. In no time at all I was being flown from place to place to eavesdrop on world leaders. Later I became tired of the traveling and took a job as an undercover security guard at an airport, where I thwarted a hijacking. I was given a huge reward and was able to retire" Amazed by what he's heard the man asks the shopkeeper
"How much for the dog?"
"Ten dollars" comes the reply.
"But this dog is amazing!" says the man "Why so cheap?"
"He's a liar" says the pet shop owner, "He hasn't done any of those things."