Not particularly had a great past couple weeks.

Some people at my internship suck at communicating. I had to hear from others that they had some questions or concerns regarding my work or work attitude (I'm just a calm and laid back person in general, I struggle sometimes at being really assertive), this was never communicated to me. Really fun to hear about it right before the holidays! I mailed my professor about it and she was going to set up a meeting with her, me, and the person supervising me. I hadn't heard from her yet, but I was supposed to work yesterday so I went anyway and basically got warm greetings from everyone except said person, who gave me a 'oh I didn't know you were coming today'. She then alluded to the fact that I might not be the best match and that maybe a different place would allow me to grow more. Really lovely to hear. In my mind when you take someone on an internship you communicate with them so they can adapt, take in feedback, and grow. If you let this build up without mentioning it once and then practically suggest pulling the plug all of a sudden it just makes you a bad supervisor.

So now I'm uncertain about the future of this particular internship, even though I find it really interesting.

I also was sick all throughout the Christmas week, lovely stuff. Had about the most depressing Christmas of my life. At least I saw some family before New Year's.

To be honest I've been fighting depression some the past few weeks I keep looking for jobs and almost every day it's the same jobs that I don't feel are worth the time to work at and when there is something worth applying for a lot of times I get a dreaded "We've decided to go forward with other candidates" message and I'm just like why does nobody want to interview me I was at my previous job for over 2 years and worked my tailbone off and was one of the best employees they had so why is it so hard for someone else to hire me I didn't quit all of a sudden I gave a 2 week notice I can't figure out what the big issue with myself is for jobs. Family has been pushing me to find something as well and that annoys me cause like I've not stopped paying rent or buying my own food I've not asked anyone for money I'm still doing fine but it does stress me out to bring it up like I'm not trying. I feel like I'm failing at life right now I guess but at the same time there's not much else I could be doing at this point.

I've been physically and mentally exhausted due to work. I've been advancing work at home in Wednesday and Thursday, as well as taking myself a heavy load home in Thursday and Friday. My body said enough yesterday and even today I'm feeling a bit unwell, so I postponed advancing further until tomorrow. We're entering the last week so this is probably going to continue, meaning I'll have to see how can I deal with it before my body says it's enough.

On the other hand, I'm also extremely done with my girlfriend's family, specifically her older sister and her mother. Both are so stubborn it seems you're talking to a wall: her sister doesn't want things to change even if it means hell for her and her surroundings, and her mother doesn't even listen to her and expects her to live life according to her own, twisted and outdated rules (funny thing is, she didn't care when my girlfriend was young, and even funnier is that she wants to know every single detail of her life now that she's living with me). I wanted to talk to them too because I'm tired of seeing my girlfriend bad or down because of them, but when I saw it was impossible to make them see the truth they don't want to accept I gave up, and so did my girlfriend.

It's been quite an intense weekend so far, and it can get worse tomorrow. I just hope it doesn't, just in case I'll take home loads of work so I can work remotely if my body stops me. Not a good solution but it's what we have at our job, hopefully the icoming legal changes can actually change this but we'll see.