So, naturally, the joke I will go with - it's kinda messed up, but it worked - is my very first joke. I used it at a pub near where I live, during a quick show I put on whilst waiting for a band to get there:

Hello, everyone, how are we? *Wait for response*
Okay, good. You know, I like working in small areas, small crowds, especially for comedy. Less people recording, less chance of me getting in trouble for making "bad jokes." In here, if I tell jokes, I'm fine. I won't lose my job, I won't lose a contract, I won't be jailed. I am safe... Until the police check my laptop and I have to introduce myself to all the neighbours, when I move...


It is a dark joke, if you understand it. But, surprisingly, it worked for my first joke, I really like it, it's a personal favourite of mine, because it made me be allowed to perform, when waiting for the entertainment to get to the pub.

Alright, I've got another kind of dark joke for you. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a swimming pool?

If jack is stuck on a horse, would you help jack off a horse?

A teacher decides that, after no one is participating in class, to encourage them to speak up.

"The next student to answer my question gets to go home," she announced.

A boy threw his backpack out one of the classroom's open windows.

"Who threw that?" The teacher demanded to know.

"I did," said the boy, "And I'm going home."

Here's another for school.

A mother and father are trying to help their son get better at math and it seems like he can't do anything right. Teachers at his school couldn't help him, tutors couldn't help him. They didn't know what to do so they sent him to a Catholic school to help educate him.

He gets his 2 week progress report and his math scores are nearly perfect. The parents are so excited that when he gets home, they praise him.

"Great job at math, son," his mother said.

"Yes, son, I'm so proud of you. How did you turn it around?" his father asked.

The boy looked at the ground and said, "Well, when I walked into school and saw all the guys nailed to plus signs, I knew they took math seriously."


Ha!

CPT Axis : my first job was in the army...
                   until i got my marching orders.
                   then i tried my hand at being a postman...but soon got the sack.
                   after that i worked in a lingerie store for a while...before i was given a pink slip.
                   so i,ve just started a new job as a human cannonball
                   although i,ve got an awful feeling i,m going to get fired tomorrow.

Ah yes, some semi-adult jokes in here. I enjoy reading them from time to time, but some people don't fully understand some of the punchlines. That's because dark humor is like food: not everybody gets it.

Ok, I've got another joke for you sick people.

DeAndre and Sophia had been in relationship now for 3 months and Sophia feels like she's ready to meet DeAndre's parents, here's their conversation...
Sophia : D babe, can i meet your dad? Like introduces me or something
DeAndre : Babe, i wanna meet my dad too

Like if you get it (this is also a joke)

I like i like, here's a joke.

Why do blondes sneak past pharmacies?

So they don't wake up the sleeping pills!