Hello everyone. Many of you probably don't know who I am, considering I'm not active on here anymore and haven't been in a long time, but I have a confession to make - I am jmc1097. I was one of the most active people on this site for quite some time until I ended up flipping out due to feeling unliked and unappreciated and getting myself perma-banned. First things first, I wanted to apologize for my actions back then. I know most people probably won't remember it or know what I'm talking about considering this was in like 2011-2012, but I was a stupid kid that was just obsessed with "trolling" and the like because I was active here around the time I first discovered that sort of thing. I'm 19 now and I guess you could say I've grown up a lot. But unfortunately, this leads me to the main point of this thread - to say goodbye to everyone here.

However, I don't mean your typical Vizzed goodbye, as I know those types of threads have always been frowned upon around here. I mean that soon, I will be killing myself. I don't know exactly when, but I know it will be sometime in the very near future. My life has been very bad ever since around the time I started acting like an ass on the internet, both online and off - every relationship I've had has ended in turmoil. I've been cheated on, left for other guys, countless times. I have no real friends. I honestly haven't had a friend from school or something like that over to my place since around the 4th grade - all I've really had is my family and even me and them have drifted apart substantially. I usually didn't care about this, since I've always been kind of the loner type that is more satisfied with doing solitary activities such as watching movies and you guessed it, playing video games than hanging out with friends or that kind of thing. This especially wasn't a problem because I've always had friends online to talk to, and I still do admittedly, but it doesn't seem to make a difference anymore. I feel genuinely hopeless and like I'll never be able to escape. I just wish that for once in my life, something would work out in my favor. I want more than anything to have a girl that I can love and be with for the rest of my life, but I know that will never happen, considering the girl I was planning on marrying someday left me for another guy a few days ago. I do well at my college classes, but I don't even know if I'll be able to continue them anymore considering my family is very poor and I can't afford to pay for them on my own. Plus, I don't enjoy it. I only do it because I don't want to be a failure, I want to rise above just working at McDonald's or something for the rest of my life. But honestly, neither of those options sound appealing to me. I just want to fix everything, but I can't, and it's the most horrible feeling I've ever experienced. I honestly would not wish it on my worst enemy.

I would like to say goodbye to all of my old, close friends that used to frequent this board with me back in the day. I'm not sure if they're still active or not, but I'll summon them anyway (forgive me if it fails or if I forget anyone, I've lost my knack for this kind of thing):

legacyme3 :
alexanyways :
Robert7 :
Maggie178 :
Kaiser19 :
septembern :
DarkHyren :
SilverMaestro13:
crazycatpup :

Also, to...

Singelli : I met you not that long ago compared to the others I mentioned, but despite us not seeing eye to eye on all things you did your best to help me whenever I needed it and I am genuinely thankful for that.
and..

geeogree : I was really quite obnoxious to you in the past, and I can't even remember why. But even though you probably don't remember much of me or care anymore, I wanted to make peace with you as well.

To all of you, thank you for being my friends on here back in the day. I genuinely enjoyed the time I spent with you, whether it was through role-playing stories or just talking in the chat room on here and I haven't forgotten you. I'm sorry that it has come to this, but I can't take my life anymore. I hope all of you understand, and that I am absolved. Also to David, the David that created this site, thank you as well. I won't summon him here because I know he's busy a lot but I admired him as a person as well. And to all of you newer members of the site that I don't know considering I'm more of a veteran here - enjoy your time here like I did, and don't make dumb mistakes like I did. Think before you act, and don't just let your anger get the best of you. That's a rule you should try to apply to both online behavior and real-life behavior. Don't make the same mistakes I made. And don't make the same mistake I want to make right now, either - I know a lot of you are quite young, and you all have full lives to live. Make every moment count. I know that's kind of hypocritical advice coming from me, but I never claimed to be a saint. I just want to improve stuff as much as I can, and maybe that will make me reconsider my decision. But I doubt it at this point.

Goodbye, I will miss you all.

I don't even know what to say to this. There was a time when I would have told you to go off yourself as an alternative to all the crap you did here. However, I would never actually intend for someone who was "annoying" on the internet to actually do that.

While I can't actually change anything in your life or make anything better I can honestly say that I do not want you to kill yourself. Not for any personal reason because I'll likely never know if you actually did it and therefore likely won't care in the end. The main reason I say to not do this is because no matter how bad your life is right now killing yourself is not the solution. It might seem like the only option you have left but it's not. I've been there before... many times. I've felt that way in the last year and from the outside people look at my life and think I've "got it all".

As for the past - you're right, I don't care anymore. What's done is done. However, there is still the future. There is potential for more in life than whatever you've had. Don't give up just because things haven't been great.

Also, I don't care if this is a real suicide attempt forthcoming or just a cry for help... either way I hope things improve for you. And if you need someone to talk to don't hesitate to talk to me. I'm more than willing to take out the time to talk you out of this.

NordicWarrior : *shifts into angel form and wraps my wings around you*  please don't do it!... *starts to cryz*


like Geo said your not alone in that feeling plenty of us have been there even myself and I'm a girl my life has been nothing but hellz from being verbally abused by my own parents 50% of the time to having my heart ripped out and shattered from being dumped and cheated on more times then I care to count or remember though I also knowz what it is like to be all alone with no friends ... I never really had any in real life all the friends I've ever gotz a close connection to have been online ones

online people to me are more selfless with their love you can genuinely feelz how much they care aboutz you even though your not seeing them face to face ... I knowz it sounds corny though when I'm having a bad day and one of my online friends respond to me saying 'cryz' with 'who is it that I have to bury this time?' or 'I'll get the shovel' it makes me laugh and forget how aweful the day I had reallyz was ... it is funnyz how a simple phases that shows they care can make everything feelz better

I knowz this is the first time I've ever reallyz talked to you though if you do come back for some reason and see what I typed to you and it made you change your mind to wanting to live ... then it will have made me happyz and if you want to add me as a friend and vent your frustrations to me then I'll be more then happyz to hear you out

though please I beg of you don't killz yourself vT~Tv

I'll just state this bluntly... Suicide is probably the most selfish thing one can do, Yes granted it ends your pain... but it only brings pain to everyone around you as well. It doesn't fix things, it only breaks them instead.

Also I don't see what is wrong with working anywhere, whether it fast food chain or not... Whilst it's admirable that you don't want a "basic" job as some might put it. People end up in these jobs for all types of reasons... and honestly they don't pay half badly, and can be rewarding like any other job as well. 

As for love, you just need to find someone out there who is right for you, Your 19... You have plenty of time.. Believe it or not but most romances aren't like those in films... or anime.. or any sort of media... and they require effort like all things in life... 

To put it simply.. Don't give up on life simply because you failed at the first hurdle... you've got plenty more to aim for..... I've been in the same situation as you but for different reasons... Mine being more akin to medical reasons destroying my hopes and dreams and way of life... and that was when i was 17... I'm almost 25 now... If a miserable idiot like me can see to the future and be aware that the world is more than oneself.. I'm sure you can do it too. 

Also for clarification I'm Sonicmcmuffin....  I know who you are lol...

Don't do it man. This is just another trial in life, and things always get better. Life is full of ups and downs, and the lows can be extremely long and difficult. In those times it's extremely hard to see things from a clear perspective, and a quick escape feels like the best option when it's not. As cheesy as it is, the "permanent solution to a temporary problem" quote is spot on here.

I know how broken you must feel to lose your girl. I've been broken myself. I had to live for nearly 6 years with no hope of ever finding something real before someone came along that changed everything. There's someone out there for you, but you can't stop looking, or at least be open to it for it to happen. And you also can't expect someone else to make you happy, it's something you have to find in yourself. Sometimes faking it til you make it can work here if you just stay strong and keep trudging through.

It's not unusual to feel the way you do. I'm not saying you do, but a lot of people think they're weak for even considering suicide, when it seems like most everyone has at least thought about it at some point. Hell, to this day I still think about killing myself every so often. 

It's never too late to come back from this. I was a junkie for 8 years. I stole from family, mugged, swindled, been homeless, broke into homes, used people up before tossing them aside, and a lot worse I probably deserve to die for, but there's still hope for happiness. Even if you hit rock bottom in life, the only way to go from there is up.

Well, can't say I don't know the feeling, lad. If you want to talk and have the chance, do it. If not, I don't feel like there's much else for me to say to you right now.

Was not going to post in this tread since I'm kind a new here, but for once time sake I have been in your situation. Thinking that suicide is the only way since no one likes me. Was pretty down low a few years back and was thinking of taking my own life like all the time. I have had some family member do it when I was 5 years old and still remember seeing him on my birthday and after the birthday he goes out in the wood and takes his own life. It help just in the moment, but think of your family or your friends that will miss you and have to live without you.You mean so much to someone, you just don't know it maybe.

All I'm trying to say please don't do it. I think I speak for all of you family, friends and vizzed. We will miss you. I don't know you. And if you do it I will never know you. And just reading your post you sound like a awesome guy who just need someone to guide you on the right path again. Life is hard I know, but life will also get better. So again please don't do it. And lets figure out this together all of us.

Is it weird that, even having not known you, I still feel obligated to post here despite not being able to come up with anything to say...?

I guess, uh.... Well, it's lame, but I could start with I really don't care much for the idea of you taking your own life. I'm 20, and I've gone through my fair share of trials and hardship, too. Having to abandon my friends after being evicted because we couldn't roll enough pennies to keep ourselves fed and pay rent was pretty rough... Winding up almost homeless and having to move into my grandma's shack in a small town in the middle of nowhere was also pretty rough.... Car breaking down and not having the money to fix it, resulting in having to walk a few miles to the store in blistering heat and numbing ice storms was rough.... I guess what I'm trying to say is that giving up at 19 is being pretty impatient. Even if it doesn't get much better for me, I still have the rest of my life ahead of me and as long as I'm breathing, I have a chance at success. You're only getting started. I'm not telling you that you can't get it over with, but I will say that you shouldn't. Instead of thinking about how little progress you've made, think about what could have been catastrophic, but wasn't.

On the note of the girl, I know how people say that there is someone for everyone, but I don't believe that's always the case. That said, there may yet be someone else and you just don't know it until you find them. As far as school goes, you don't need it. I was home schooled and technically never went to high school. And you know what? I don't have to work at a sweatshop or fast food place. I may never even get my GED, but I am going to be a gunsmith eventually. Think about that for a second. When you take on a trade, it's more than a job with a good paycheck. You're an artisan. It's more than building, it's craft. It's a far greater thing than being a pencil pushing desk jockey for some money grubbing tax evader. It's a job that actually means something, and you don't have to have a college degree.

I understand that I can't know you from reading a post, but what little I read, I can relate to. We do have at least that in common. You still have a life, if you're willing to pursue it.

"don't make dumb mistakes like I did. Think before you act, and don't just let your anger get the best of you." I think it's best said in your own words.

Don't give up, dude. This won't be forever, I promise. I considered that several times myself. But a mixture of my online friends, and knowing how deeply I would hurt my family always kept me here. Years later, sometimes I tear up knowing that there was a serious chance I would have missed things.

You'll rise above the job you have now. Send out applications! You never know how much help stores and other places need. In terms of your love situation...I'm really sorry about that, man. But don't give up! You'll find someone worth your love when the time is right. You can't give up on things because of one shallow jerk. You need to give yourself time to let things get better. And suicide is literally the opposite. You aren't alone in your problems, and this isn't the end. Don't let it end this way. People care about you, never forget that.

NordicWarrior : Even if it's not going to change your mind, could you please at least call one of the numbers on this list (select your country)? If you won't do it for yourself, please at least do it for all of the people you summoned.

http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html

If you are in the U.S., please call 1-800-784-2433 or 1-800-273-8255.

If you are somewhere else, for instance, Switzerland, please call +41 (0) 27 321 21 21.

Also, please go and find the person/people you're closest to right now (whoever you love and it doesn't have to be in a romantic way), and give them a hug. They're the ones that truly need to hear your words.

For god's sake Nordic, please don't do this! Look, I don't know you and you don't know me, but why does it have to come to this decision that you are making to kill yourself? What do you think this choice you have made will do? Absolutely nothing. I hate hearing about people dying or committing suicide for god knows what reason, but I absolutely NEVER EVER want to hear about a Vizzed user talking about committing suicide, because it will bring pain to me, all the other Vizzed users, and certainly Davideo7. NordicWarrior, you seriously need help. I don't even know what you have done, or even give a crap to make a terrible decision like this. I am literally shaking while writing this reply. Nordic, I don't know what I can do to change your mind, but I beg of you, don't do this. It is certainly not worth it. My only hope right now is that you could have a change of heart. Suicide doesn't fix everything.

If you need help, please... call this number: (1-800-273-8255) You have really saddened me. I hope things can come around you can be happy again.

This thread looks familiar... It brings me memories of my old self. Those days when school was a pain, I could talk to no one and all I could do was entertain myself with anime and videogames. Those days when the idea of suicide freely roamed through my brain.

I've been through a similar situation, and I can totally tell you that suicide is not a solution. Doesn't matter if school turns its back to you, doesn't matter if you're distant with your family, all that matters is that you don't give up. There are still many environments you have to try and where you can begin anew. Even if you end up working in a place you don't want, you can find good co-workers that might become your best friends. This happened to me when I had to repeat a course in school, so it could happen to you as well if you try.

It's been like seven years since I snapped out of the suicidal mindset, and you know what? I don't regret snapping out. Life has been improving for me, and everything because I tried. I tried to be staff in this site, and here I am. I tried to study in any place I could, and here I am tackling finals for the fourth semester. Life is finally smiling back at me after many years in the dark when all I wanted was to die, and this only motivates me to keep trying hard to achieve my dreams, no matter how far they may be.

It's kind of hard to get out of that mindset, I admit it, but you have to at least try. You're very young yet, you have plenty of time to turn the tide. Don't go down without a fight.

Don't do it, man. I've felt the same several times in my own past, but that didn't stop me from improving myself. If you need advice, I have some here. Don't look at what has passed. Look ahead. You might be depressed, but moping won't help. If you can improve, this can all end. This facade of your self-hatred. Life is quite lovely. Love life. I'll look out for you, so don't worry. You have all these beautiful and compassionate people who care for you. Isn't that what you truly want? I'll love you, too. That's why I care enough to save your beautiful life. The gift of birth is a thing of true beauty. Don't waste it, for me, or for them.

NordicWarrior : Do it only if you have to, but think of this first...why are you doing this? Is it because you want your pain to end? Because the best way to end anguish is to ease it in others. If you literally can never do that and if your death will not cause anyone grief is suicide justified. I don't believe that's true of anyone. I used to believe a similar way as you...but I've come to see happiness after coming back from the brink. I cannot even count the number of times I've thought of killing myself throughout my life. I'm glad I didn't. Find things to take joy in and expand those joys. you may have to start small. It may seem that hope is far away, but it's worth it. Please, please don't kill yourself. Life is full of pain, but that pain allows us to appreciate the good. Focus on the good! Let your pain be a strength! Don't see this phase as something that can never be forgiven or changed. Bad can be changed into good! Because you've gone through this, when you become less selfish, you will appreciate the good more than those who have not. Focus on that! And be an example of someone who can change. Change now!

Apologies for the double post, but does someone know how to summon globals? I hope this works:

Globals:
Global Mods :
Staff:

Please send this guy an email asking him to see the replies he's received. He's gotten a lot of support, and I think seeing that will help him out.

supernerd117 : He was last on today at 1pm.
There really wouldn't be a way to know if he read this thread and his email is blocked.

supernerd117 : I think you just have to copy and paste a name from the users page to summon a global, staff, etc, then it should work.

Vanelan : I hope he comes back for some reason and finds our posts. He needs that. Thanks for letting me know.

This isn't my first time seeing someone confess that they are a new account of a perma-banned member, but it's my first time seeing it and feeling so sad.

Ending your life is never the solution to any problem, no matter how large it may seem to be. Just hang in there and keep a positive attitude and things will eventually change for the better. Also, try your best to talk to new people and make strong friendships and maybe even a relationship with others. I'll be praying that you change your mind but ultimately it's your choice and we can only help you. Good luck with improving the way your life is going. 

Vanelan : there is a way to know if he has seen this thread since he posted in it and I can confirm that he has viewed this page today since people have started posting. There is no way of knowing what his reaction was but all we can really do is wait.

At least he has visited since this thread and hopefully read some of the comments we've made and it might have an impact. The only way we'll know is if he continues to post. If he stops coming to the site we'll never know for sure what happened. I for one hope he doesn't just disappear. I'll hate not knowing what happened and not knowing if more could have been done.