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03-28-24 07:19 AM

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Pressure hurts so badly
mixed with exams it's a recipe for disaster
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03-10-15 03:44 PM
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Pressure hurts so badly

 

03-10-15 03:44 PM
Pacman+Mariofan is Offline
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I'm feeling perfectly OK now, but I want to make sure that I will no longer feel that there's anyone else I need to pour my feelings out to, and I probably won't ever forget it until I've done it to everybody I feel like telling it to (including the Vizzed community). And I need to get over it until my upcoming brutal statewide exams are over (which haven't started yet, we're currently doing seminar to prepare for those exams).

I was talking to one of my friends last night, and one thing I asked started a huge wave of stress and anxiety that came at one of the worst possible times of the school year.

I'm in a program at my school that many public schools have in my country, and they have a drill team. I'm in the program, but not the drill team. I asked my friend how the drill team class was compared to the regular class and after she told me how it was, she asked if I wanted to join it. That's when it all began. Every time someone has asked me that question, I've become extremely uncomfortable and I've never said yes, because I've never wanted to. Then she gave me reasons to join (which was good, because I hadn't gotten to know much positive stuff about it before)

Well, that same day I was hanging out with one of my other friends later and I told her I knew how the drill team's class worked now, and she asked me the same question.

I thought I should tell my other friend in the drill team as well. He asked me the same stinking question. Now I feel kinda stupid XD I wasn't expecting this at all.

All 3 of them were pushing to get me in the drill team, and one of them keeps going, but because of my Autism (or whatever else causes it) pressure is difficult for me to handle, positive or negative, whether I know exactly what to do or not.

I've been handling it very well on the outside, but on the inside, I've been a mess. I had trouble getting to sleep last night, and today it's been hard to concentrate on anything else. The more I pour my feelings out about something, the easier it is to forget it.

So I prayed first, since I knew that would be the best idea and it made me feel the best, and now to ensure that it'll be easier to forget about it, I'm telling Vizzed since I have other important business to take care of as well, hence my slight inactivity, which will probably be more inactivity eventually.

One of my other drill team friends goes with me to school every day, and he's in a class of mine, so he pushed way harder, and way more. His friend did the same thing and I have to see him every day too, so now I feel like shouting "I'M TRAPPED!" XD

It'll definitely be alright though. The 2 friends that talked to me last night haven't said a word about it since, they were doing more of a "just saying" kind of thing. But my other friend, and his friend (which I just mentioned in the above paragraph) DRILLED it into my head today (haha, the pun) so it's near impossible to forget.

I'm the kind of person that feels like they can't afford to disappoint, so of course I've had a pit in my stomach almost constantly since last night. I really don't want to join the drill team, but I don't want to disappoint my friends either. My mom doesn't want me to join it, but she's letting me. She has to worry about my sister way too much though, so I really don't want to unnecessarily add to her pain.

After being badgered by some people for what felt like all day, I went into my dad's van to go home after school, and things started looking up. I GOT COOKIES! No seriously I felt more relieved soon after getting in the car. Even in the car, my friend wouldn't STAAAAHAHAAAAP.

My dad was talking to both of us about this situation, and he told us I shouldn't join now (YES!!!!!) because of all this pressure and how it's impacting me, plus it's a huge decision. He told me if I rush into things when I feel like this, and they don't work out for me well, it'll make things way worse. I agree.

I went into his house to see his dogs, and he was still going XD His mom told him it's my decision, thank goodness someone lets me know they understand. I'm sure my friends do too, but the ones that didn't keep quiet after last night showed no signs of that.

Now that I've let my pushier friend know how I feel and that I need to take my time for this decision, I can worry less about it. However, there's still more I have to deal with.

If you pressure me in your posts, I probably won't even read it XD I'm not even looking for a response, actually.

NintendoFanKimmy : This is a thread by me so here's your summon! I don't care if you reply or not. Maybe you're feeling somewhat similar to me because of your exams. You sure seemed that way in your thread, oh my XD
I'm feeling perfectly OK now, but I want to make sure that I will no longer feel that there's anyone else I need to pour my feelings out to, and I probably won't ever forget it until I've done it to everybody I feel like telling it to (including the Vizzed community). And I need to get over it until my upcoming brutal statewide exams are over (which haven't started yet, we're currently doing seminar to prepare for those exams).

I was talking to one of my friends last night, and one thing I asked started a huge wave of stress and anxiety that came at one of the worst possible times of the school year.

I'm in a program at my school that many public schools have in my country, and they have a drill team. I'm in the program, but not the drill team. I asked my friend how the drill team class was compared to the regular class and after she told me how it was, she asked if I wanted to join it. That's when it all began. Every time someone has asked me that question, I've become extremely uncomfortable and I've never said yes, because I've never wanted to. Then she gave me reasons to join (which was good, because I hadn't gotten to know much positive stuff about it before)

Well, that same day I was hanging out with one of my other friends later and I told her I knew how the drill team's class worked now, and she asked me the same question.

I thought I should tell my other friend in the drill team as well. He asked me the same stinking question. Now I feel kinda stupid XD I wasn't expecting this at all.

All 3 of them were pushing to get me in the drill team, and one of them keeps going, but because of my Autism (or whatever else causes it) pressure is difficult for me to handle, positive or negative, whether I know exactly what to do or not.

I've been handling it very well on the outside, but on the inside, I've been a mess. I had trouble getting to sleep last night, and today it's been hard to concentrate on anything else. The more I pour my feelings out about something, the easier it is to forget it.

So I prayed first, since I knew that would be the best idea and it made me feel the best, and now to ensure that it'll be easier to forget about it, I'm telling Vizzed since I have other important business to take care of as well, hence my slight inactivity, which will probably be more inactivity eventually.

One of my other drill team friends goes with me to school every day, and he's in a class of mine, so he pushed way harder, and way more. His friend did the same thing and I have to see him every day too, so now I feel like shouting "I'M TRAPPED!" XD

It'll definitely be alright though. The 2 friends that talked to me last night haven't said a word about it since, they were doing more of a "just saying" kind of thing. But my other friend, and his friend (which I just mentioned in the above paragraph) DRILLED it into my head today (haha, the pun) so it's near impossible to forget.

I'm the kind of person that feels like they can't afford to disappoint, so of course I've had a pit in my stomach almost constantly since last night. I really don't want to join the drill team, but I don't want to disappoint my friends either. My mom doesn't want me to join it, but she's letting me. She has to worry about my sister way too much though, so I really don't want to unnecessarily add to her pain.

After being badgered by some people for what felt like all day, I went into my dad's van to go home after school, and things started looking up. I GOT COOKIES! No seriously I felt more relieved soon after getting in the car. Even in the car, my friend wouldn't STAAAAHAHAAAAP.

My dad was talking to both of us about this situation, and he told us I shouldn't join now (YES!!!!!) because of all this pressure and how it's impacting me, plus it's a huge decision. He told me if I rush into things when I feel like this, and they don't work out for me well, it'll make things way worse. I agree.

I went into his house to see his dogs, and he was still going XD His mom told him it's my decision, thank goodness someone lets me know they understand. I'm sure my friends do too, but the ones that didn't keep quiet after last night showed no signs of that.

Now that I've let my pushier friend know how I feel and that I need to take my time for this decision, I can worry less about it. However, there's still more I have to deal with.

If you pressure me in your posts, I probably won't even read it XD I'm not even looking for a response, actually.

NintendoFanKimmy : This is a thread by me so here's your summon! I don't care if you reply or not. Maybe you're feeling somewhat similar to me because of your exams. You sure seemed that way in your thread, oh my XD
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(edited by PacmanandMariofan on 03-10-15 03:47 PM)     Post Rating: 1   Liked By: NintendoFanDrew,

03-10-15 06:15 PM
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Hey man, I have high-functioning Autism. All I have to say is you'll get better. Nobody is naturally good at pressure, it's developed and usually it's developed by hardships in life caused by Autism. You may think you don't do well under pressure but it's all about learning to do it right and I'm all up for helping you with that if you would like some help. As for your decision remember this; it's okay to try things and fail. It's okay to do things and not like it. Sure, people will maybe make fun of you for a few weeks, but what matters is long term you were either good or bad at something and you either loved or hated it. Sure there can be some in between feelings, but that's for you to sort out. Just see how things play out and hope for the best, bud. I'm here for you,
Hey man, I have high-functioning Autism. All I have to say is you'll get better. Nobody is naturally good at pressure, it's developed and usually it's developed by hardships in life caused by Autism. You may think you don't do well under pressure but it's all about learning to do it right and I'm all up for helping you with that if you would like some help. As for your decision remember this; it's okay to try things and fail. It's okay to do things and not like it. Sure, people will maybe make fun of you for a few weeks, but what matters is long term you were either good or bad at something and you either loved or hated it. Sure there can be some in between feelings, but that's for you to sort out. Just see how things play out and hope for the best, bud. I'm here for you,
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03-10-15 08:12 PM
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BluemageKyle : I hadn't thought about it that way. Thank you so much for that post.

I've went over it a ton with my parents and with my friends that pushed me. My mom said make a list of pros and cons of joining, and there are more cons than pros, by a lot.

If I do join, it will definitely not be long. Probably a week at the most and then I'll drop out. No matter what people tell me, no matter what I see (I've seen the drill team in action), I really don't want to do it. I'm only thinking this so I don't disappoint my friends. Plus, there are competitive drill meets which are required. I dislike competition a lot and I already described how I am with pressure and anxiety so that wouldn't go well for me at all. Now a huge weight is lifted off my shoulders, since I'm definitely not staying for a while.

I'm waiting until after exams if I do join because like I said, if I do join, it won't be long, and that'll cause disappointment to many people, not just my friends. Plus there might be a lot of people who make fun of me, like you said there would be. That would most likely include my instructor for the regular class (who also leads the drill team). Disappointing him would really ruin things for me, and I already feel like crying just typing this. If that happens, it'll be worse. I'd like to keep my great reputation in high school and not make people scared or worried about me.

As much as I love my friends, and how much I don't want to disappoint them, it isn't worth it. Even as a new Christian (not much of a follower yet, but getting there). My mom doesn't want me to join (but she'll let me) and it would cause a lot of inconveniences like losing even more sleep. (It starts an hour and a half before school starts)

As much as I've tried looking at the bright side or thought about other things having to do with this, I really don't want to do it, and I really think it'd be better to just say no and move on from this. Some people will keep driving me batty after this, but that won't matter anymore since my decision will have already been made, and I can get on with my life and be the happy, helpful person I usually am. I think I've already made it almost obvious at school, and with my family, that something's really wrong with me.

I've talked to my family about this a lot, and they don't think it's worth it either. They also think it'd be best to just move on. I really look up to them, and I'm taking their advice. Maybe it'll take a while, but I'll do it.

Edit: I just told one of my badgering-happy friends the news that I won't stay in drill and he cheered me up by saying it's OK and telling some jokes I might have the weirdest and best friends I could have
BluemageKyle : I hadn't thought about it that way. Thank you so much for that post.

I've went over it a ton with my parents and with my friends that pushed me. My mom said make a list of pros and cons of joining, and there are more cons than pros, by a lot.

If I do join, it will definitely not be long. Probably a week at the most and then I'll drop out. No matter what people tell me, no matter what I see (I've seen the drill team in action), I really don't want to do it. I'm only thinking this so I don't disappoint my friends. Plus, there are competitive drill meets which are required. I dislike competition a lot and I already described how I am with pressure and anxiety so that wouldn't go well for me at all. Now a huge weight is lifted off my shoulders, since I'm definitely not staying for a while.

I'm waiting until after exams if I do join because like I said, if I do join, it won't be long, and that'll cause disappointment to many people, not just my friends. Plus there might be a lot of people who make fun of me, like you said there would be. That would most likely include my instructor for the regular class (who also leads the drill team). Disappointing him would really ruin things for me, and I already feel like crying just typing this. If that happens, it'll be worse. I'd like to keep my great reputation in high school and not make people scared or worried about me.

As much as I love my friends, and how much I don't want to disappoint them, it isn't worth it. Even as a new Christian (not much of a follower yet, but getting there). My mom doesn't want me to join (but she'll let me) and it would cause a lot of inconveniences like losing even more sleep. (It starts an hour and a half before school starts)

As much as I've tried looking at the bright side or thought about other things having to do with this, I really don't want to do it, and I really think it'd be better to just say no and move on from this. Some people will keep driving me batty after this, but that won't matter anymore since my decision will have already been made, and I can get on with my life and be the happy, helpful person I usually am. I think I've already made it almost obvious at school, and with my family, that something's really wrong with me.

I've talked to my family about this a lot, and they don't think it's worth it either. They also think it'd be best to just move on. I really look up to them, and I'm taking their advice. Maybe it'll take a while, but I'll do it.

Edit: I just told one of my badgering-happy friends the news that I won't stay in drill and he cheered me up by saying it's OK and telling some jokes I might have the weirdest and best friends I could have
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(edited by PacmanandMariofan on 03-10-15 08:33 PM)    

03-11-15 04:01 AM
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It'd be a no-brainer for me.

Of course not!

Call me selfish, but when I'm sure something will make me feel uncomfortable, I either immediately decide against it or clearly tell the people suggesting it that the chances of me accepting are low, regardless of whether they will get "disappointed" in the end.

I hate to disappoint, as well, Pac, but it has to be remembered that there is a huge difference between being "selfish" and being "careful" . It's wonderful to think of the consequences your decisions will have on others, but that doesn't mean you have to forget about the impact it will have on yourself, as well. 

You should tell your pushy friend to stop xD. If he really annoys you by pressuring you that much, then you should voice your request clearly but politely .

Well, I guess I should rephrase that to "should have". It appears, according to your latest post, that you've already decided against it (I'm on the ceiling with joy) xD, and the friend tried to cheer you up. Yeah, you might have the weirdest and best friends you could have, ha, ha!

Anyway, he sounds like a nice guy, but even so, next time, no matter who's pressuring you, if it annoys you to the point where it's painful, let them know, and they'll probably stop. 

I don't mean to scare you, as I remember you saying this was a problem you had a looong time ago, but don't let it come back. Still don't know what I'm talking about?

Don't let your kindness or willingness to please others cause inconvenience for
yourself, alright? I know this is a little different from before, when it allowed others to take advantage of you, but this is still not good. Concern for others is an amazing, admirable thing to have, but concern for oneself is what should either come first briefly or at least equally... or at least a bit after.

Scratch that; I'm not going to discuss morals in detail here since everyone has different views, but don't let others influence you to make decisions that are harmful to yourself, alright? That's all I wanted to say .
It'd be a no-brainer for me.

Of course not!

Call me selfish, but when I'm sure something will make me feel uncomfortable, I either immediately decide against it or clearly tell the people suggesting it that the chances of me accepting are low, regardless of whether they will get "disappointed" in the end.

I hate to disappoint, as well, Pac, but it has to be remembered that there is a huge difference between being "selfish" and being "careful" . It's wonderful to think of the consequences your decisions will have on others, but that doesn't mean you have to forget about the impact it will have on yourself, as well. 

You should tell your pushy friend to stop xD. If he really annoys you by pressuring you that much, then you should voice your request clearly but politely .

Well, I guess I should rephrase that to "should have". It appears, according to your latest post, that you've already decided against it (I'm on the ceiling with joy) xD, and the friend tried to cheer you up. Yeah, you might have the weirdest and best friends you could have, ha, ha!

Anyway, he sounds like a nice guy, but even so, next time, no matter who's pressuring you, if it annoys you to the point where it's painful, let them know, and they'll probably stop. 

I don't mean to scare you, as I remember you saying this was a problem you had a looong time ago, but don't let it come back. Still don't know what I'm talking about?

Don't let your kindness or willingness to please others cause inconvenience for
yourself, alright? I know this is a little different from before, when it allowed others to take advantage of you, but this is still not good. Concern for others is an amazing, admirable thing to have, but concern for oneself is what should either come first briefly or at least equally... or at least a bit after.

Scratch that; I'm not going to discuss morals in detail here since everyone has different views, but don't let others influence you to make decisions that are harmful to yourself, alright? That's all I wanted to say .
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03-11-15 03:05 PM
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I have Autism myself and can understand and I put a lot of pressure on myself cause I want to be beyond expectations. As a Christian that is good that you have been praying about it as that is an important step. The thing you have to remember is if you do not want to join the Drill team or need more time to think about it. Politely tell them that you need time. Be your own advocate and do not join something you are not ready too just because of pressure. If you are not ready and not sure giving in to pressure will make things worse. Trust me I have been there I gave in and made a choice I was not ready for it and it ended up being a disaster.  My advice would be take things slow and pray about, which you said you did. I would also try to find more about the Drill team from other people as well. 

As a Christian and fellow person with Autism I will pray for you 
I have Autism myself and can understand and I put a lot of pressure on myself cause I want to be beyond expectations. As a Christian that is good that you have been praying about it as that is an important step. The thing you have to remember is if you do not want to join the Drill team or need more time to think about it. Politely tell them that you need time. Be your own advocate and do not join something you are not ready too just because of pressure. If you are not ready and not sure giving in to pressure will make things worse. Trust me I have been there I gave in and made a choice I was not ready for it and it ended up being a disaster.  My advice would be take things slow and pray about, which you said you did. I would also try to find more about the Drill team from other people as well. 

As a Christian and fellow person with Autism I will pray for you 
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03-11-15 03:33 PM
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NintendoFanKimmy: Another way I hadn't thought about it I told my pushy friend to stop, but not as much as I should have. I think the main part of that intense stress and panic was that he was spewing too much at me at once. He didn't give me enough time to think about one thing to consider before moving onto the next. I think I was so scared that I forgot I even had the ability to ask him to stop! XD

I never realized it until my dad talked to him and I about it yesterday. After that he got a little better at not being so pushy. I mean, I started really thinking about it for the first time 2 days ago, and the day after so much was happening already and there was quite the pressure with 2 people that kept going with it. It was too crazy.

That's right: I've officially decided to continue to keep things how they were before and not join drill. Despite this only taking around 24 hours to do, for most of that time (when I wasn't sleeping) I was uncontrollably thinking about it. Plus, I talked to multiple people about the pros and cons, including the most important ones: my parents.

Like I said before, I told my pushy friend that I'm not joining, and he said it was OK and cheered me up. Today he still brought it up a couple times because of something I said in that text to him about it. I still have yet to tell him everything he's wondering about, but at least he isn't pushy anymore since the decision's already been made.

Oh yeah, I had this problem a long time ago and I made a thread about it, but this was literally at least 3 times worse. This time it felt like my life was close to falling apart.

It made things worse that everyone I talked to recommended I joined now because of a bunch of reasons. Except my parents, who realized it'd be horrible if I joined instantly with all this anxiety and other things going on. Now
that I spoke up about, but they were still going.

I knew they didn't understand how I felt, but I struggled to put it into words until after I reached the decision.

This situation isn't exactly over yet. Because I had a 2-hour delay today and lunch periods had different people in them, there was one pushy person I haven't gotten to face yet. My plan is to move on at least for a little while, and not mention anything about it unless people ask. I'll eventually tell my non-pushy friends what my decision was and reasons. I think they understood how big of a decision this is and that I needed time to think about it, so I really want to thank them for that.

The pushy people, however, showed no signs of understanding, and I've only gotten to tell one of them what they needed to understand.

It's been pretty tough not to say things in a frustrated or angry tone to people when they're still going on about it, but I'm trying really hard. Last night I came close to crying, so instead of saying everything I needed to say, I texted my friend the important part and told him to please wait until today to discuss the reasons. I apologized as well.

Tonight, I'll call him, and tell him everything he needs to know, and that this is truly my final decision. I'm also going to try remembering to tell him to think about how far I've come in the last year already, and that I'm going to push it.  He's come about as far as I have in the past year.

This won't be truly over until everyone I talked to knows about my decision, and/or stops talking about it. Then I can go back to normal in time for exams next week.
NintendoFanKimmy: Another way I hadn't thought about it I told my pushy friend to stop, but not as much as I should have. I think the main part of that intense stress and panic was that he was spewing too much at me at once. He didn't give me enough time to think about one thing to consider before moving onto the next. I think I was so scared that I forgot I even had the ability to ask him to stop! XD

I never realized it until my dad talked to him and I about it yesterday. After that he got a little better at not being so pushy. I mean, I started really thinking about it for the first time 2 days ago, and the day after so much was happening already and there was quite the pressure with 2 people that kept going with it. It was too crazy.

That's right: I've officially decided to continue to keep things how they were before and not join drill. Despite this only taking around 24 hours to do, for most of that time (when I wasn't sleeping) I was uncontrollably thinking about it. Plus, I talked to multiple people about the pros and cons, including the most important ones: my parents.

Like I said before, I told my pushy friend that I'm not joining, and he said it was OK and cheered me up. Today he still brought it up a couple times because of something I said in that text to him about it. I still have yet to tell him everything he's wondering about, but at least he isn't pushy anymore since the decision's already been made.

Oh yeah, I had this problem a long time ago and I made a thread about it, but this was literally at least 3 times worse. This time it felt like my life was close to falling apart.

It made things worse that everyone I talked to recommended I joined now because of a bunch of reasons. Except my parents, who realized it'd be horrible if I joined instantly with all this anxiety and other things going on. Now
that I spoke up about, but they were still going.

I knew they didn't understand how I felt, but I struggled to put it into words until after I reached the decision.

This situation isn't exactly over yet. Because I had a 2-hour delay today and lunch periods had different people in them, there was one pushy person I haven't gotten to face yet. My plan is to move on at least for a little while, and not mention anything about it unless people ask. I'll eventually tell my non-pushy friends what my decision was and reasons. I think they understood how big of a decision this is and that I needed time to think about it, so I really want to thank them for that.

The pushy people, however, showed no signs of understanding, and I've only gotten to tell one of them what they needed to understand.

It's been pretty tough not to say things in a frustrated or angry tone to people when they're still going on about it, but I'm trying really hard. Last night I came close to crying, so instead of saying everything I needed to say, I texted my friend the important part and told him to please wait until today to discuss the reasons. I apologized as well.

Tonight, I'll call him, and tell him everything he needs to know, and that this is truly my final decision. I'm also going to try remembering to tell him to think about how far I've come in the last year already, and that I'm going to push it.  He's come about as far as I have in the past year.

This won't be truly over until everyone I talked to knows about my decision, and/or stops talking about it. Then I can go back to normal in time for exams next week.
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03-11-15 03:39 PM
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tornadocam : You posted while I was typing my last post in this thread, so please read that post to find out almost everything. I've prayed about it multiple times, and it's what mainly got me to handle this without yelling at people to leave me alone.

I found out almost everything I possibly could about the drill team from those pushers, and that's why it only took a day to make the decision. Now I know everything I'd be in for if I joined the drill team. I really appreciate you praying for me

NintendoFanKimmy : Summon fail to my last post.

Thank you both so much for replying!
tornadocam : You posted while I was typing my last post in this thread, so please read that post to find out almost everything. I've prayed about it multiple times, and it's what mainly got me to handle this without yelling at people to leave me alone.

I found out almost everything I possibly could about the drill team from those pushers, and that's why it only took a day to make the decision. Now I know everything I'd be in for if I joined the drill team. I really appreciate you praying for me

NintendoFanKimmy : Summon fail to my last post.

Thank you both so much for replying!
Vizzed Elite
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Registered: 10-22-12
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03-12-15 11:01 AM
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glad it is working out for you you mentioned you are a new Christian if you have any questions feel free to message me and I will try my best to help you in your walk with the Lord 
glad it is working out for you you mentioned you are a new Christian if you have any questions feel free to message me and I will try my best to help you in your walk with the Lord 
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03-12-15 04:56 PM
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tornadocam : Thank you so much! I should've added you on my friends list a long while ago but never got to it.

Well all that stress turned out to have lasting effects. I'm going through a burnout, I don't feel like doing anything and a lot of the time I'm not as happy as usual and want to be left alone. I really should be able to tell everyone I talked about my decision (except one or two people) before my exams start... because of seminar schedule my lunch period has been different so I haven't been able to do that. I also should be praying more...
tornadocam : Thank you so much! I should've added you on my friends list a long while ago but never got to it.

Well all that stress turned out to have lasting effects. I'm going through a burnout, I don't feel like doing anything and a lot of the time I'm not as happy as usual and want to be left alone. I really should be able to tell everyone I talked about my decision (except one or two people) before my exams start... because of seminar schedule my lunch period has been different so I haven't been able to do that. I also should be praying more...
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03-20-15 08:44 PM
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It's almost over. I haven't had to deal with anything having to do with my decision ever since I told most of the people I talked to about it that I'm not joining drill.

My friends that kept quiet about it after the first time I talked about it were the next ones I told, and I had an amazing feeling because of how nice they were to me about it. Both of them no longer want me to do it simply because I really don't want to.

It meant so much to me (and still does) and it made me more grateful for them. I mean, everyone (except my new friend who was pushy about it) was nice about it, but like I said before my other pushy friend (who is a close friend of mine so that
really hurt) was way too overwhelming and quick about the whole thing.

However, I was so panicked that I couldn't even stand up for myself or ask him kindly to stop! He's the kind of person that's curious and asks why, so I felt like I had to come up with every reason possible, especially good ones, and I knew that if I disappointed him, I'd almost definitely feel like a loser and a chicken. I'm glad about that part, because he did ask why and then I gave him 5+ reasons to make sure he would stop pushing me and so he would understand. I read them all of a piece of paper because I was so desperate to say them all XD

There's still 2 people I haven't talked to about it yet (my new friend and one of the drill instructors), but I think I'm going to keep quiet about it unless they bring it up. It's been 2 weeks since I've seen my new friend so he might've forgot, and I hope so. I want to move on like I should, but once in a while I still think about it and feel guilt, even though it was for the best, not just for selfish reasons. I really hope this guilt isn't going to stick around, since I should feel proud of myself instead.

Ever since that day, I've developed a soft spot for anyone going through peer pressure, positive (like mine) or negative. I support positive peer pressure, yet when I see someone getting positive peer pressure I get a huge pit in my stomach because I don't want them to go through anything like what I did.

For example, the other day my close friend (the one who was the most pushy) announced he was pushing another one of my friends to join drill. I immediately thought, "NO!!!!!" Right after that I asked that friend of mine if he's joining drill. He said no, and I told him that's perfectly fine and he shouldn't join if he doesn't want to. I hope that made him feel a lot better, and I don't think it's a stretch to say that when 2 of my friends said that to me, it saved me.

I didn't even know what God would find best for me, and I thought He'd really want me to join it. Plus, one of those friends that said it is my best friend, and a Christian who pretty much dedicates her whole life to other people (maybe God too, but I don't know if she's a follower or just a believer). It's obvious too!

Now I have to decide if I want to go on a 15-day trip to Australia next year, and it seems like I have to make that decision kind of quick. Unlike drill, I want to do this, but I'm scared since I get homesick and it's REALLY far away from where I live.

It's almost over. I haven't had to deal with anything having to do with my decision ever since I told most of the people I talked to about it that I'm not joining drill.

My friends that kept quiet about it after the first time I talked about it were the next ones I told, and I had an amazing feeling because of how nice they were to me about it. Both of them no longer want me to do it simply because I really don't want to.

It meant so much to me (and still does) and it made me more grateful for them. I mean, everyone (except my new friend who was pushy about it) was nice about it, but like I said before my other pushy friend (who is a close friend of mine so that
really hurt) was way too overwhelming and quick about the whole thing.

However, I was so panicked that I couldn't even stand up for myself or ask him kindly to stop! He's the kind of person that's curious and asks why, so I felt like I had to come up with every reason possible, especially good ones, and I knew that if I disappointed him, I'd almost definitely feel like a loser and a chicken. I'm glad about that part, because he did ask why and then I gave him 5+ reasons to make sure he would stop pushing me and so he would understand. I read them all of a piece of paper because I was so desperate to say them all XD

There's still 2 people I haven't talked to about it yet (my new friend and one of the drill instructors), but I think I'm going to keep quiet about it unless they bring it up. It's been 2 weeks since I've seen my new friend so he might've forgot, and I hope so. I want to move on like I should, but once in a while I still think about it and feel guilt, even though it was for the best, not just for selfish reasons. I really hope this guilt isn't going to stick around, since I should feel proud of myself instead.

Ever since that day, I've developed a soft spot for anyone going through peer pressure, positive (like mine) or negative. I support positive peer pressure, yet when I see someone getting positive peer pressure I get a huge pit in my stomach because I don't want them to go through anything like what I did.

For example, the other day my close friend (the one who was the most pushy) announced he was pushing another one of my friends to join drill. I immediately thought, "NO!!!!!" Right after that I asked that friend of mine if he's joining drill. He said no, and I told him that's perfectly fine and he shouldn't join if he doesn't want to. I hope that made him feel a lot better, and I don't think it's a stretch to say that when 2 of my friends said that to me, it saved me.

I didn't even know what God would find best for me, and I thought He'd really want me to join it. Plus, one of those friends that said it is my best friend, and a Christian who pretty much dedicates her whole life to other people (maybe God too, but I don't know if she's a follower or just a believer). It's obvious too!

Now I have to decide if I want to go on a 15-day trip to Australia next year, and it seems like I have to make that decision kind of quick. Unlike drill, I want to do this, but I'm scared since I get homesick and it's REALLY far away from where I live.

Vizzed Elite
2-Time VCS Winner
Philippians 4:6-7


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 10-22-12
Location: The Milky Way (not the candy)
Last Post: 927 days
Last Active: 927 days

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