So...
As a lot of you know, I am transgender, yes, well at least I think so. It is possible that it'll change, but going through how much I hate to be a boy...
Ahem. Why am I even here, on Vizzed? Didn't I leave?
Yeah, that was my plan, but I realized Vizzed wasn't even my reason why I couldn't change... It was my father.
Before I left... I did not want to spam a thread about that, so yeah, now you lnow the reason.

But, with what do I need help?
The title says ‘Gay...’, but I am bisexual. However, I know I will lose interests in females one day. As Xenthou states, I would be staright as I am a trans girl, so if I like girls and am a transgirl, I am a girl who is Lesbian.
I don't feel like I am straight. I know I am bisexual, but I feel like I am gay. I will not say I am straight, until my parents know that I hate to be a boy and want to be identified as female.
Every year, we put up a video from a bunch if pictures and videos over the past few years at christmas. Sometimes, they include text.
Referring to me, identified as male everywhere...

Now, my problem is, I want to tell my parents that I prefer boys and want to be identified as female, and that I hate to be a boy, but I am too shy...
I want to try to tell them before 2015... I know they'll know before 2016. But I really want it as soon as possible...
But as I am too shy, I can't tell them. Please... I really need some help... I am too shy to tell them...

I ask you this: can I PLEASE get help? If you need information, ask questions and I will answer honestly. I hope to get help soon...
Thank you for helping if you are...

~Jade (I don't want to use the name James anymore, too, and I also want to tell them I don't to be referred as James/he/him/his...)

How do you think your parents will react?

It's important that you imagine how they'll react beforehand. You know them.

I remember some statistic about 40% of homeless teens being LGBT. You might want to wait until you're self-sufficient before telling them anything. It might be hard to wait that long, but safety and/or security takes priority.

If you think they'll be understanding, then I've seen it done multiple ways. You said you were shy. You might decide to do it by phone, or by a letter. I don't know whether there's a delicate way of outing yourself, but the important thing to remember is to patiently explain and to not get riled up no matter what is said.

Jade, things are really hard.

I am a transgirl who is bisexual. Things are hard. Do my parents know, no. I am almost 17 and they still don't know.

Telling your parents are hard, but once you start talking to them about it it'll be really easy.

Thing is, just walk up to one of them one day and say at you're transgender and that you want to be called jade.

Just tell them what you want and they'll probably listen.

Good luck,

^-^

EideticMemory :
Well, I'll start of with my sisters. How I think they react? They find gay people... They think that a boy kissing a boy is... Weird and dirty. I don't want to be seen as a boy, but they would see me as a boy...

My mother? She could be mad or sad... She once asked if I am happy to be a boy, 2-3 years ago. I replied her yes, then she says that she asked it because there are boys who wants to be a girl. I never thought of it until I started liking boys. Because of that, I think she is against it...

My father? I was on my iPod. Then my sister talks to my father. I was not listening, but my ears heard ‘If something is wrong, you can tell me.’, and since I heard that, I listened.
My father would be calm, who wouldn't be mad...

My brother is trying to annoy me by using all the girls pronounce against me, and the moment I let him, he stopped. He stopped on 13 november, and he does not know about that I want him to call me a girl.
Only 2-3 days ago he restarted.


Now, for the shyness part, I don't really text to them, and I will never use paper again. I prefer to tell them in person.
I have once did the paper thing, but when they saw it I was too shy. I forced myself to tell them the truth but I could barely talk.
I got shyer another day, though. There, I was way too shy, because it was about chat. They asked for the latest subject... I couldn't say the truth. The subject was transgender, btw. I was trying to search for a response that is true, but not true... I ended up not responding. That though, was all of a sudden. The letter wasn't. But I won't do it by letter again... Here it feels wrong.

Barathemos :
Eidetic *wont summon*
Bara, look at my previous post for some answers ;P

But, that is just the thing. With my previous problem about school, I tried starting to talk like 20 times... And I am getting shy~ Jade, you hugged your sisters in front of your family without shyness... And your step sister was hugging you for a minute and you screamed like a girl. Okay, I got less shy I think, but it still hard...

Edit;
Oh, and my biggest problem is, we speak french at home and I suck at french...

TheJmsGamer :

So what's the worst case scenario in your opinion? Plan around that.

If it's just a few jokes or "ewwww", then you might choose to go ahead with it. If it's getting disowned or something drastic, then you might want to wait.

So it seems like you want to talk to them in person. In that case you might want to write down beforehand what exactly you're going to say and the possible questions they could ask you. You'll want to represent yourself to the best of your abilities, so you should be well-prepared.

EideticMemory :
Getting disowned? Is that like, getting kicked out of the house?

The worst thing that could happen to me, is thay they won't accept me and start being rude. But that, if they did then they are liars. That is very low chance~
But I never thought of writing it down... I'll do that! (And end up having my sister see the text and tell my parents! That's one way... )
That will hopefully help me... Thanks for the advice! ^.^
Now, writing up text... All the possible questions I could think of... The day I'll tell I'll take a cold shower... (Less shy when I do that for some reason.)

Edit:
Oh wait, if I got everything in my head and am still sick.... I'll wait

TheJmsGamer : I don't really know what to say. Eidetic covered pretty much everything. Ok, don't rush it. You will have to tell them, but don't tell them too early. It's better to tell them late then early in this case. If I was you, I'd send a message through Facebook or text because I'm shyer than you.

   When I had my first girlfriend, it took me over 2 weeks to tell my mom. Anyway, since you don't want to take the easy way (I understand why you just want to say it and get it over with), start easy and build yourself up. I know you already said you're telling your sisters first, so it's already pretty much been said.

   I'm going to tell you right now, most likely, they're going to love you for who you are. They might not like it, but they'll realize you're their child and it doesn't matter the gender you are. They still have responsibilities and disowning you is probably not going to happen. Be prepared for what happens. They'll probably be too shocked to reply in a generous answer, so be prepared for some crying or some anger. They won't mean it, it will all probably be from shock. They will probably think you're just going through a phase (they'll probably hope that for a better grasp), but they'll gradually sink into realization. I don't know how long that will take, it could be from 1 day to 1 month. I'll bet though, once you tell your parents, life will get a lot easier.

   I'm going through a semi-similar situation. It isn't exactly too similar, because it isn't related to gender. It's about my mom's boyfriend. I want to tell my mom to kick him out, but I'm too scared to do so. If you read my 3700+ word post about my life, you'd know why I want him out. I'm going to send a Facebook message to my mom at some point to tell her to kick him out, but I don't know when and I don't know how she'll react. When my brother told her a year ago, she got mad at him and didn't listen, so I'm kind of preparing myself for that.

   Anyway, I hope the best for you. I don't know what it's like to be going through what you're going through but it honestly must suck. Hope everything turns out all right. Peace .

Hey, Jade,

In a perfect world, our parents are people who love us unconditionally and without reservation and will do anything and everything to help their children (you) find every success and happiness.

Sometimes that doesn't always work.  Be it their belief system, their religion, their culture, whatever.  You have to look at this from both sides.  They may be shocked, offended, disgusted, or whatever because of what they know and what they're comfortable with.

You're you, though.  And the single most important thing you can ever do is accept yourself for who you are.  The next most important thing you ever do is love yourself for who you are.  If you get those two things out of the way and you unconditionally love and accept yourself, everything else falls into place.

Your age is a challenge, though, because you rely on your parents for everything and they're central to you're life.  When you hit 30, it gets easier because you can take care of yourself.

I would approach this with respect to what your parents may or may not do and say.  You can live your life and be yourself without offending them.  Find a way, however you can, and you'll be fine.

We can't tell you what to do.  We aren't having the experiences you are.  You know your parents and your family.  Find someone who will back you no matter what and talk to them.  They'll be the best folks to give you advice.

Good luck.  Stay true to yourself.

TheJmsGamer :

If you are a guy, you are a guy, not a girl. If you think that thinking will make you a girl, then you already misunderstand what it means to be a girl. Thinking you are a rock, will not make you a rock. Pretending you are a dog, will not make you a dog.

However, people who love you and are worried about you will pick up on this behavior and try to stop you, of fix your problem. This is wrong, on a basic level.

Science does not excuse ignorance- it destroys in.



EideticMemory :

The statistics would be 50%+ of all gay's and lesbians end up dead before they reach the age of 40, not that I can back that number up, but from information I've gathered in real life, that number appears correct. However, I would not take online studies as the final word, for anything. Statistics for gays and lesbians are pretty much bad regarding everything from health to social status, understandably. For one, I've talked to "shadier" folk. I asked this guy (who's into porn and stuff) if gays, and lesbians really do start these horrible sexual diseases. And he said "Yeah!" (He also said that the porn industry likes to spread it around as well, why it's legal I have no idea. It's arguably worse than drugs, only it destroys marriages, and leaves children with divided parents- or addicted to the said stuff.)

I think we have done enough damage to our culture lying about how great sexual dysfunction is, to the point of stupidity that the last generation got fooled into thinking abortion is so great. Now I find most people are against it in this day in age. Even young teens say it's wrong.

I've talked to people who have come from some really bad parts of town. It's terribly evil. I've talked to old women who got pregnant at the age of 16 out of wedlock. (And that was back in the day, when society was REALLY against it.)

Well meaning people have taken the wrong side of an issue trying to make a kid feel better for being different, but are unaware of the dangers behind those actions. . .

Or that homosexuality could be signs of something worse.

I've even seen pro homosexual's admit that the LGB community has a higher accidental pregnancy rate than straight people. So how did lesbians get on that list?

Cause they slept with a gay guy? . . . .

seriously man. . .

People try to act so innocent and they don't even see how they've been lied too.

Sword legion :

The difference between male and female is much more fine a line than man and rock. To know the difference we need to ask two questions: what makes someone male? What makes someone female?

If we only look at outward appearances or XX/XY, we run into quite a few problems. How do we categorize those afflicted with Guevadoces? They're born physically female and develop male sex organs at puberty. How would we categorize those born genetically male (XY) with androgen-insensitivity syndrome? They look and act like a mixture of female and male, despite having a Y chromosome. These are rhetorical questions, because they've been asked for decades about dozens of similar situations.

The conclusion is that the human development is messy and imperfect, and that the "sex" (genitals) of a person is unreliable in knowing their "gender".

Thus we give more substance to gender identity when it comes to determining gender.

-

As far as LGBT issues go, we can't trust hearsay to make broad generalizations. This is especially true with claims as significant as them starting horrible sexual diseases.

As far as higher pregnancy rates go, you are correct. I looked it up and a 2008 study does point to higher LGB pregnancy rates. The takeaway isn't necessarily that lesbians are getting with gay guys. In fact the study itself proposes quite a few possible reasonable reasons that are backed by previous research (page 3). Here's a screenshot of that section.

-

That all said, I feel like these support threads should be for support, not debate.

If we want to continue this discussion, it really should be in its own thread.

MCJungleKitty :
Actually, I don't know where I stated that I'd prefer my sister to know first, but no, I do not. She would tell my parents as she knows it would be better if they did. And then there would be a different reaction, rather than when I say it.

What do I know? They'll know before I am 15. And that, with questions, or they'll read the paper I'll write to prepare, or... I start liking a boy after I'm 15, and they notice that and ask who... Or... They finally notice there is something wrong with me. My father immediately noticed there was something wrong with my sister, but after a month it looks like they have no clue. If I'd do text or message or a letter, I'll be extremely ashamed like that first and last one time. I can't do it like that, espacially not in this situation...

Sword legion :
This is not a discussion thread, and neither was my leaving thread, where you started a discussion.
Did I say I think I am a girl? I never did. I want to be identified as female, that's what I said.
But, my sister keeps explaining the life of a girl; painful. To me? Yeah, if I already feel much pain like this as a boy? Okay, it'll hurt way more. Do I understand? Maybe I don't. I have never been a real girl, true, but for a boy, how much pain does a boy lead? Not even I know that. Why? I may lead more pain than a normal boy.
Like, right now, my voice became low and now it hurts when I speak, unless I speak in a light tone. So I'll be hurt every day from now on. My genitals? Yeah, they hurt a lot, too. Like right now. My... Chest? It feels weird. It feels sooooooo weird to me, and it hurts when I think about it. Now that I do, it hurts to me. My belly? The parts of a boy at my belly, inside of it? Yeah, it hurts a lot and because of that my belly always hurts. It's extremly uncomfortable to me.
Does a normal boy lead that pain? Or, how much does a normal boy lead pain? Less than a girl, yes, but also less than I do, right?
It is very much possible for a boy to have the brain that of a biogical female. I may not have that, but it does hurt a lot for a boy. Or maybe it's just puberty, but... My chest feels weird, my belly hurts every single day, my low voice is so painful that I refuse to talk (Unless I am tired, it does not hurt.) and my genitals? Ugh, it hurts too much. What hurts the kost? My belly.
My legs though, are shaped like that of a biogical girl.
Just, not because you are a guy biogically that you must be identified as male.

*notices kitty in a username*
Awwwww! :3

Ahem.
warmaker :
Now, if I would love myself for who I am, I'd suicide. I'm too disgusting... And that is why I need to change. Apart from that, I accept myself for who I am. I like myself for who I am, but not love.
Now to find a person who could help me? Pfft, my friends hate me and I am too shy to talk someone irl, and I hate to message someone for situations like this to people I know irl. So that's why I made this thread, for advice...
Then again, none of my friends are good at giving advice. If I'd visit a school, the owner would call me Mister James, yes, but only with him I feel comfortable with that name for some reason. Because of his voice, I think.

And that brings to an end of this post.
~Jade

Bisexuality is pretty common where I live (last year i went out with a bi girl, not the reason we broke up.) Just wanted to put that out there if anything offends you or something like that (ignorance is bliss!)
here's what I suggest... sit them down, make sure they're in a positive mood (if that's worked for you before)and be straight up, if they accept it, congratulations you have parents, if they don't but accept your choice, congratulations you have real parents, if they overreact, give them time before trying to talk to them again, I'm sure unless you live in a strictly religious or "pure" household, you'll be fine =)

best wishes =D

TheJmsGamer :


Before I can offer advice, I have to ask a few questions.


1 Why do you want to be a girl?

Aren't you happy being a guy? Changing the template of /who/ you are is a very... dangerous thing to do, it changes not only you, but who you are as a person. It's a complicated and tricky thing.

And when you may think all is well right now, will you be able to say the same at the end of it all?


2. Are you thinking logically, or emotionally?

This is the big one, Are you moping around the house, wishing that other people would understand you are, just wanting the world to change for you?

It's just not going to happen.

If you are doing this purely on an emotion or a "I want to feel good" thing then you are dead in the water, that's not how the world works. If we were to all act upon our emotions, then we are only looking out for ourselves. And when everyone only looks out for themselves, terrible things will follow. I would have to give one a terrible beating, if they were just looking out for themselves and not making an attempt to act in favor of everyone. (Such as making a though provoking post not for his own sake, but to stir the thoughts and open some doors for the other.)

If, however, you are doing this from a logical perspective then I can't rightly say it's the wrong thing to do. I can't tell you "It's wrong" because what is the standard of right and wrong except our own conscious; if you are an atheist that is.




Also, I'm not sure completely, but you don't seem to quite have a full grip on yourself, Why is it that you can't control yourself if somebody mentions pink glittery lettering?

TheJmsGamer : Sorry, I read your first reply to EideticMemory wrong :/. Hmm... Maybe you could hide what you're writing down in a spot where no one can get to? Maybe lock it up, but hide it in a drawer? I don't really know, maybe rushing into it wouldn't be such a bad thing. It could be a much less worrisome situation. You might get it over with faster, and they might actually be fine with it after a couple days. Then again, there could be downsides to this, so use that as a last resort :/. Well, I've got nothing else to tell you, I just really hope this ends well. Peace !

bombchu link :

Why do I want to be a girl?
Well, I, as a boy, am too shy to be who I am. I'm too shy to be who I am and then I force myself to not look like I walk like a girl. But, my shyness? I think my shyness was just a lie to me. If I was still so shy, I wouldn't have hugged my sister tightly at Christmas.
So, if I am right, if I'm able to do that in front of my family and let them take pictures without shyness, I should be able to tell my parents who I am when I'm ready.
So my shyness can go away; I don't always feel shy when walking like a girl outside in the public, – then again, no one notices it. At least, no one did so far.

I hate to have the body parts of a male, it feels weird... And sometimes it hurts... Genitals? It always hurts a lot. The male part just below your belly? I keep feeling... So weird there and then it starts to hurt, and then my genitals hurt, and these two parts combined is just hell to me.
My chest? It feels weird, but it does not hurt. But it bothers me.
My low voice? Talking with a low voice for an extended period of time hurts my throat. And that is why I force myself to talk in a light voice, it feels way better.
Now let's get to the clothes and all.
Clothes that are designed for boys? Okay, first off, I hate skate. And I got like 10 t-shirt of skates. Nearly all my clothes are designed for males only, and I feel uncomfortable in them, like right now.
When I wear clothes that are designed for girls only, I feel way better, I am very comfortable and I'm in a good mood. Dresses? I heart dresses. But I can't wear any and I don't get any, understandably.
If they knew what I wanted, or if they just knew who I want to be, my sisters will probably stop thinking I want to be manly. They once said that strings are very manly and that girls would run after me if I'd wear it, they then said I was probably gonna wear one next day. At that time, I already realized I feel way more comfortable when I act like a girl, and yeah...

Dear sisters,
I do not want to be manly and I prefer boys, plus strings are not for boys.

Ahem, now that this answer is out of the way, what do you mean by thinking logically? I mean, I don't do this to feel good. I know I would maybe feel bad, but I want my family to know; I said as soon as possible but that seems dangerous.
I can't be happy, everything is the opposite of me. My body, the house, money, family, almost everything is the opposite. School? Made me the most unhappy because I have no friends and I feel very lonely now that I'm homeschooled.
After a few days, or maybe a few weeks (after saying all to my parents), then I'll feel better.
Yeah, I want to feel good, but is that the reason I'm doing it? I might not even feel better but worse, if I do this too soon...

‘If I do this too soon...’, and yet, this thread is here. If it wasn't, I wouldn't have some advice so at least I know what to do, in which I have to thank you; @Eidetic :3
But, I said I wanted to say it as soon as possible, I should probably keep in mind that doing this too soon could be a bad decision, but March. I have a feeling they'll find out before April,
MCJungleKitty :
as I can't hide things very well.

Hiding? I won't hide it. I will just put it on my desk, soewhere they won't see it. That's how simple hiding paper is in my house. Hide it under your books on your desk.
I will not tell them too soon, and I'll have to wait for a good moment, which is actually the hardest part. I need to wait when they wake up in a neutral, yet happy position, and not mad and annoyed because of the dogs. Then later that day I could tell them; that seems like one way.

*Looks away, goes to the kitchen and eats*
~Jade

Jade, honestly, i think that you should tell them sooner rather then later. it would be much better if you told them yourself instead of them finding out.

I have a transgender brother and two gay brothers and my parents found out on their own for all of them. it basically ruined my family.
not them being gay, it was my mother (who is very "catholic" and partly crazy, but that is a story for a different day.). but my situation maybe a bit diffrent then yours was. since i myself am not gay, i cant really tell you what the best option would be in terms of telling them.


This is really all i can say on the subject.

~best of luck!~

james44028 :
Sooner rather than later; but too soon can also be dangerous
I want them to know around January-February... Not sooner, not later.
I don't want them to find out on their own; and that's a challenge to me. To tell them who I am. Not the boy James, but the girl Jade. Not three boys and three girls at home, but two boys and four girls. Or three boys... My sister said she was a boy but I am pretty sure that's a joke, as she said it in a way that sounds like a joke...
My brother keeps saying that I am a girl because I keep using pink on games, but hey, I LOVE pink.
And my brother stopped calling me in the girl pronounce... At the moment I wanted him to use the female pronounce said, he stopped! I never even told him!

I find it difficult to hide who I am from my family...

TheJmsGamer :

Well, I ... am too shy to be who I am.


It sounds like you were very sheltered in your childhood.



Point the first:

You don't have to change for ANYBODY, you are made specially just the way you are. And if someone (including yourself) Is saying that you are not good enough, then stop listening to that low life and get your own.


I hate to have the body parts of a male, it feels weird... And sometimes it hurts... Genitals? It always hurts a lot. The male part just below your belly? I keep feeling... So weird there and then it starts to hurt, and then my genitals hurt, and these two parts combined is just hell to me.

Here's a little Story from a Vietnam Veteran

He was guarding an outpost on the south side of a jungle on a hot day, and then the outpost was attacked, he had his buddy was on the northern wall and they guy had a machine gun aimed at the Vietnams and opened fire. His buddy was both feeding him ammo and sniping out some foes to the north east.

The buddy asked his friend to hand him the cantina (water). He could have done so, but instead continue firing upon the foes. He could have reached down with his right hand, hand him the water, and manned the machine gun with one hand, But didn't. Next thing he knew, a bullet was in his friend's head.

After they successfully defended the outpost, The guy was deeply saddened that his friend died and that he didn't fulfill his last request to hand him some water.After this, The guys right arm began to just stop working, it got weaker, wouldn't act right, and would be in pain.He went to the Doctor, but they couldn't find anything wrong with him at all.

What ended up happened is he went to a therapist and told him the war story about his buddy. The therapist told him to forgive himself for not handing his friend the water.He did, and his arm started working right again in less than a month.



I think that your genitals are hurting because you subconsciously /wanting/ them to hurt, because you feel guilty about not being happy with who you are.


Point the Second:

You shouldn't want to change for anybody.

You need to take who you are, and embrace that, it is what it is, and you can't get anywhere if you don't believe in yourself. You can't make a cake if you don't know what's in the kitchen.

You are you, That is what you need the most, to find out "Who I am...".

That's really what I've gathered from all this, you don't want to face who you are, so you're been trying to "change" who you are or really hide under the gender umbrella and make yourself more acceptable in your own eyes by trying to be somebody else.

No that's not how it works. you first need to find out what you are, and then become who you are. Not run from the issues, especially if it endangers your current and future relationships with others.


I mean, I don't do this to feel good.

At that time, I already realized I feel way more comfortable when I act like a girl, and yeah...



The only benefit you are getting out of this apparently is to "feeling good" even though you don't do it to feel good???