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The Blog of a Thing

 

11-17-14 03:16 PM
thing1 is Offline
| ID: 1105183 | 862 Words

thing1
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November 16th, 2014, 2:13 AM 

You know, I sit here and I think about a lot of things.
I thinks about sports and if my favorite team is going to be able to manage to make it to the playoffs, and how I won't be able to watch those playoffs because I will be at training for my new job.
I think about dogs, and what kind I would want if I could have one, or when I will be able to have one. I think about what I would name them.
I think about video games and how much I used to love them, and why I seem to be moving away from them, and how that scares me, for some reason.
I also spend a lot of time thinking about cars. I think about what kind I want, and what I want to do to it, with the paint job, and what it will look like, and what it should sound like, and what is should do. I think about my past. I think about all the bad things that I have done in my past, and how I wish I could change what I did, and have the chance to do that part of my life over again.
I think about my job that I am about to start here in a few weeks, and how excited I am for it. But, I'm scared that I am going to mess it up somehow. Somehow, I always seem to mess it up, no matter what it is.
I think about what I could have done differently in the past. Like that girl that I really liked in High School; what could I have done differently to keep her at my side? If I had done something different, would she still have left me?
But the thing that I probably think about the most is my future.
I think about what would have had happened if I hadn't of walked off the Varsity Football Team my Junior year of High School. My Freshman year I thought about playing, but I wanted to focus on my studies and get a good start. Then, my Sophomore year was a completely different school, so I decided to again focus on my studies. Then, right after my Sophomore year is over, I go back to my school that I went to my Freshman year for my Junior Year. I had 3 positions on that team: Punter, Kicker, and Field Goal Specialist. They were mine! And I threw them away because I felt like I didn't have the respect I deserve. I was being praised as one of the best punters the coaches had seen in the county in a long time. I was the only guy who could hit a 45 yard field goal. And I left what was coming for me over my pride, and not having the respect that I thought I deserved. If I have any regrets, this is definitely one of them.
Then there is my time in the Army. I think about that short eleven and a half months of my life a lot. Heaven only knows how much I do. I have a lot of dreams about it. Sometimes, at night, I have nightmares about me being in war, even though I never was. I think it might be becuase of how much I tried to mentally prepare myself for it. I knew that with the unit and the type of job that I chose that I was going to go one day, and that that day was going to come pretty quickly. Now, I'll never know what it was like because I got cheated out of that experience. I got hurt, and while I was trying to take care and fix myself, I got screwed, and given the boot. Got told that I wasn't anything, because I never saw war. Got called a murderer because of the career choice I made. Are they right?
I got some mail yesterday. It was an evelope from the Veterans Administration ( VA ). They finally gave me an answer, and it was yes. Honestly, it's more money and a higher disability rating than I was expecting, and the money will definitely come in handy, but it's unexpected. I mean, with all the back pay the VA owes me, I can pay off my credit card debt, loan debt, an accidental overdrawn fee for my checking card, the few hundred I owe my father, and the two thousand I owe my aunt for rent, and still have a bunch left over. It could not have come at a better time.
At least things are finally starting to come together for me after so long of hard times. The VA is finally paying me, I am about to turn 21, I am about to start my new job, and I get to see my father retire. It truly is amazing how things are finally coming together.
But, you know what? I still sit here and think about a lot of things. I wonder what will creep into this crazy mind of mine next.
November 16th, 2014, 2:13 AM 

You know, I sit here and I think about a lot of things.
I thinks about sports and if my favorite team is going to be able to manage to make it to the playoffs, and how I won't be able to watch those playoffs because I will be at training for my new job.
I think about dogs, and what kind I would want if I could have one, or when I will be able to have one. I think about what I would name them.
I think about video games and how much I used to love them, and why I seem to be moving away from them, and how that scares me, for some reason.
I also spend a lot of time thinking about cars. I think about what kind I want, and what I want to do to it, with the paint job, and what it will look like, and what it should sound like, and what is should do. I think about my past. I think about all the bad things that I have done in my past, and how I wish I could change what I did, and have the chance to do that part of my life over again.
I think about my job that I am about to start here in a few weeks, and how excited I am for it. But, I'm scared that I am going to mess it up somehow. Somehow, I always seem to mess it up, no matter what it is.
I think about what I could have done differently in the past. Like that girl that I really liked in High School; what could I have done differently to keep her at my side? If I had done something different, would she still have left me?
But the thing that I probably think about the most is my future.
I think about what would have had happened if I hadn't of walked off the Varsity Football Team my Junior year of High School. My Freshman year I thought about playing, but I wanted to focus on my studies and get a good start. Then, my Sophomore year was a completely different school, so I decided to again focus on my studies. Then, right after my Sophomore year is over, I go back to my school that I went to my Freshman year for my Junior Year. I had 3 positions on that team: Punter, Kicker, and Field Goal Specialist. They were mine! And I threw them away because I felt like I didn't have the respect I deserve. I was being praised as one of the best punters the coaches had seen in the county in a long time. I was the only guy who could hit a 45 yard field goal. And I left what was coming for me over my pride, and not having the respect that I thought I deserved. If I have any regrets, this is definitely one of them.
Then there is my time in the Army. I think about that short eleven and a half months of my life a lot. Heaven only knows how much I do. I have a lot of dreams about it. Sometimes, at night, I have nightmares about me being in war, even though I never was. I think it might be becuase of how much I tried to mentally prepare myself for it. I knew that with the unit and the type of job that I chose that I was going to go one day, and that that day was going to come pretty quickly. Now, I'll never know what it was like because I got cheated out of that experience. I got hurt, and while I was trying to take care and fix myself, I got screwed, and given the boot. Got told that I wasn't anything, because I never saw war. Got called a murderer because of the career choice I made. Are they right?
I got some mail yesterday. It was an evelope from the Veterans Administration ( VA ). They finally gave me an answer, and it was yes. Honestly, it's more money and a higher disability rating than I was expecting, and the money will definitely come in handy, but it's unexpected. I mean, with all the back pay the VA owes me, I can pay off my credit card debt, loan debt, an accidental overdrawn fee for my checking card, the few hundred I owe my father, and the two thousand I owe my aunt for rent, and still have a bunch left over. It could not have come at a better time.
At least things are finally starting to come together for me after so long of hard times. The VA is finally paying me, I am about to turn 21, I am about to start my new job, and I get to see my father retire. It truly is amazing how things are finally coming together.
But, you know what? I still sit here and think about a lot of things. I wonder what will creep into this crazy mind of mine next.
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11-27-14 12:48 PM
thing1 is Offline
| ID: 1108626 | 549 Words

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November 27th, 2014, 10:16 AM

So, I was out yesterday evening doing some research for my Black Friday shopping, and I got cut off a total of 3 time throughout the day. Once when I was trying to merge onto the interstate after just spending $70 getting my car detailed, which I will talk about here in a moment. Then again, when trying to turn down the street to get to my parent's neighborhood. Then, I was merging into traffic, leaving Target after checking out some sales. Well, I needed to get over 2 lanes. I got on the road, and I checked over my shoulder, and I was able to get over into the first lane. Well, I check to see if I can get into the 2nd lane right away, and I am clear, so I start to get over. The speed limit is about 35, I am going maybe 30 trying to merge into these lanes. Well, this car comes blazing by me at at least 50, and I swear they were inches away from taking off my driver side mirror! The impatience of some people, I swear. And it wasn't even Black Friday yet. That just means that when I do my shopping tonight, it is going to be a lot worse. 

So, about the car and getting it detailed. So, when I went there, I was originally just going to get the inside cleaned up, but it proved to be a better deal for just a little bit more to get a wash, inside and outside detailing, and the scratches buffed out of my car, so I said, "Alright, do it." 
So they did it. Well, after they did their allotted time getting the scratches out, they told me that since they weren't able to do a very good job it, they would work as long as it took to get the scratches out for half the price that I just paid, so I was like " Go ahead and do that, for just another $10 bucks or so." Well, it took them another good 45 minutes, and when the mad came inside to let me know when they were done, he said " Alright, I've finished getting the scratches out; that's the good news. Well, I've got some bad news, too. " Well, **** . So, he takes me outside to show me what he's talking about. Well, apparently the scratch that was right below this nice little dent... he buffed it out to well and took off the Clear Coat layer. " Now, this is about a $300 repair, so what we can do is reimburse you the $30 or $40 that we charged you to buff out the scratches, or we can have our game come in as soon as possible and repair this at no charge to you. " 
Well, what do you think I took? I took the repairs at no charge. Only thing about it is that I have to wait until next Saturday to get the car repaired, since the guy is on vacation or something like that. 

Oh well, At least I'll be getting some really good deals out of Black Friday, and having my first stream tonight, which you can find out about here
November 27th, 2014, 10:16 AM

So, I was out yesterday evening doing some research for my Black Friday shopping, and I got cut off a total of 3 time throughout the day. Once when I was trying to merge onto the interstate after just spending $70 getting my car detailed, which I will talk about here in a moment. Then again, when trying to turn down the street to get to my parent's neighborhood. Then, I was merging into traffic, leaving Target after checking out some sales. Well, I needed to get over 2 lanes. I got on the road, and I checked over my shoulder, and I was able to get over into the first lane. Well, I check to see if I can get into the 2nd lane right away, and I am clear, so I start to get over. The speed limit is about 35, I am going maybe 30 trying to merge into these lanes. Well, this car comes blazing by me at at least 50, and I swear they were inches away from taking off my driver side mirror! The impatience of some people, I swear. And it wasn't even Black Friday yet. That just means that when I do my shopping tonight, it is going to be a lot worse. 

So, about the car and getting it detailed. So, when I went there, I was originally just going to get the inside cleaned up, but it proved to be a better deal for just a little bit more to get a wash, inside and outside detailing, and the scratches buffed out of my car, so I said, "Alright, do it." 
So they did it. Well, after they did their allotted time getting the scratches out, they told me that since they weren't able to do a very good job it, they would work as long as it took to get the scratches out for half the price that I just paid, so I was like " Go ahead and do that, for just another $10 bucks or so." Well, it took them another good 45 minutes, and when the mad came inside to let me know when they were done, he said " Alright, I've finished getting the scratches out; that's the good news. Well, I've got some bad news, too. " Well, **** . So, he takes me outside to show me what he's talking about. Well, apparently the scratch that was right below this nice little dent... he buffed it out to well and took off the Clear Coat layer. " Now, this is about a $300 repair, so what we can do is reimburse you the $30 or $40 that we charged you to buff out the scratches, or we can have our game come in as soon as possible and repair this at no charge to you. " 
Well, what do you think I took? I took the repairs at no charge. Only thing about it is that I have to wait until next Saturday to get the car repaired, since the guy is on vacation or something like that. 

Oh well, At least I'll be getting some really good deals out of Black Friday, and having my first stream tonight, which you can find out about here
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Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 02-03-11
Location: Washington DC Area
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11-29-14 02:25 PM
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November 29th, 10:53 AM 

I just had a nightmare. I dreamt that I was in the Army or some kind of training. It was a small group of us, plus the trainer. We went away from the training place in normal clothes to play a game of flag football to celebrate the end of training. Well, near the end, there are 3 of us plus the trainer. A guy in car, maybe in his 40s pulls up, kidnaps one of our guys, and hops in his car. I run toward the car to get our guy out, and the trainer and our 3rd guy run to our car to chase the man. But, the guy pulls a gun, and tells me to put my phone down, and lay face down on the pavement; I complied, worried about my friend. He fires 3 shots, at a time, and then asks why I'm not scared. I replied with that I wasn't a piece of s*** like him. He then fires 4 more rounds, and then takes off. I immediately get up and call out the license plate number, only to have the man fire 5 more shots at me, and one if them nicks my face, just barely.
The next thing I remember is that the man shows up in the training facility without my classmate. I drag him into the room I'm sitting outside of, and yell that this is the guy that shot me. I then start to wail on him, and he doesn't stop me. I overhear somebody asking if they should stop me, but the big man in charge said not until I broke my hand or wrist.
The last thing I remember is this 40 year old man with a blood soaked face and upper chest say that he had some memory loss disorder and couldn't remember what happened, and me thinking that if he couldn't remember what happened, how did he find us if my classmate wasn't with him? I called him a liar, and then shortly after I stopped. He had a smirk on his face, and then I woke up. I was breathing so hard and fast. I was terrified.

I haven't been able to talk to since I woke up. 
November 29th, 10:53 AM 

I just had a nightmare. I dreamt that I was in the Army or some kind of training. It was a small group of us, plus the trainer. We went away from the training place in normal clothes to play a game of flag football to celebrate the end of training. Well, near the end, there are 3 of us plus the trainer. A guy in car, maybe in his 40s pulls up, kidnaps one of our guys, and hops in his car. I run toward the car to get our guy out, and the trainer and our 3rd guy run to our car to chase the man. But, the guy pulls a gun, and tells me to put my phone down, and lay face down on the pavement; I complied, worried about my friend. He fires 3 shots, at a time, and then asks why I'm not scared. I replied with that I wasn't a piece of s*** like him. He then fires 4 more rounds, and then takes off. I immediately get up and call out the license plate number, only to have the man fire 5 more shots at me, and one if them nicks my face, just barely.
The next thing I remember is that the man shows up in the training facility without my classmate. I drag him into the room I'm sitting outside of, and yell that this is the guy that shot me. I then start to wail on him, and he doesn't stop me. I overhear somebody asking if they should stop me, but the big man in charge said not until I broke my hand or wrist.
The last thing I remember is this 40 year old man with a blood soaked face and upper chest say that he had some memory loss disorder and couldn't remember what happened, and me thinking that if he couldn't remember what happened, how did he find us if my classmate wasn't with him? I called him a liar, and then shortly after I stopped. He had a smirk on his face, and then I woke up. I was breathing so hard and fast. I was terrified.

I haven't been able to talk to since I woke up. 
Vizzed Elite
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Registered: 02-03-11
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12-09-14 09:56 PM
thing1 is Offline
| ID: 1112844 | 61 Words

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December 9th, 7:55 PM 

So, I turned 21, my old man got older, and I have started the training part of my new job. So far, that is going well. Nothing really new to report. 
However, I do wonder if people would be interested in me posting about the places I go on my trips while I am driving my truck. 
December 9th, 7:55 PM 

So, I turned 21, my old man got older, and I have started the training part of my new job. So far, that is going well. Nothing really new to report. 
However, I do wonder if people would be interested in me posting about the places I go on my trips while I am driving my truck. 
Vizzed Elite
What is life?


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 02-03-11
Location: Washington DC Area
Last Post: 22 days
Last Active: 1 day

01-17-15 04:26 AM
thing1 is Offline
| ID: 1126043 | 1214 Words

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December 17th, 1:54 AM 

So, I've got a lot on mind, and nobody to talk to. So, why not post it in a blog that nobody seems to care about? Sounds perfect. 

The truck driving gig did not work out. I was lied to about multiple things. I was lied to about the pay. I was lied to about the training materials. I was told that there would be automatic trucks for me to train on, and there wasn't. But the worse thing? The rumors about how they fire people left and right for bullcrap reasons. Which, that one is on me, because I was stupid enough to not put 2 and 2 together and figure out that they had a high turnover rate from always having job postings up. 

But I guess something good did come out of that. 
I had an interview on Wednesday. I walked in into the room, and I could tell that the man meant serious business as soon as he started drilling me about why I was wearing tennis shoes instead of my shoes from my Class A Army Uniform, and not dress slacks instead of khakis for 5 minutes. I thought I was going to be fine wearing that. It was at this point that I picked up my kahuna's, and asked the man, " Sir, are you a Veteran? " He says he's Reserves, and has been for years. 5 minutes later after asking me why I wanted a job as a security guy, I told him that I just wanted a full time job where I could feel like I mattered and could protect people. He immediately offered my choice of 3 jobs. 
An expected 3 to 4 month job search took 2 weeks. But I'm still not happy. 

You know how I said I wanted to protect people? Well, if I could do it, I would get rid of my VA Benefits, and join the Army again, I WOULD! I feel like I am a piece of crap because I signed a contract for 3 years and 9 weeks with the intention of doing 20 years or more and being what they call a "career'er" , and I only did 11 and a half months. I don't care if I hurt my back, and my getting out wasn't my fault, I feel so bad. It meant the world to me. 
Growing up, it was hard to get attention from my father. He was always dealing with working for the Army. He was gone for what seemed like all day. And when he would get home, he's be tired, and not want to do anything, and I resented him for that. So growing up, I was determined to not join the military, because I did not want to be like my father. Well, Junior year of High School rolled around, and I wasn't getting any scholarship offers like my friends were, so I had to really consider life. I decided I was going to graduate a semester early, and join the Army. I made a compromise with myself: I decided I would 1-UP my father. Whatever rank he retired as I wouldn't stop until I passed him. If he did 25 years, I wouldn't stop until I hit 26! I made all of these promises to myself, but look at my now! I am a 21 year old young man with a jacked up back, and knees going bad, and all I want to do is protect people! All I want to do is serve people. All I want to do is show people that I matter. 
I feel like people don't think I matter. If you look at all of my relationships the past few years, the girl always breaks up with me after 3 or 4 weeks. Either it is because I am too nice, too mean, too much of a gentlemen, not enough of a bad boy. I feel like people expect something of me, and I give it to them, they get upset. And it hurts. It really hurts. 

I'm dying inside right now. 

All I want to do is protect people, and all I can manage is a job that pays pretty decently. However, it's not people; it's money. It's good and all, but I want to protect people. Now, I don't think highly of myself. I'm not better than that guy over there, but I have respect for myself, and I have standards that I have set for myself, and when I can't meet those standards, I feel like I am not respecting myself, and that means that I am letting myself down. Anybody that knows me knows that I hate letting people down. It is one of the things that hurts me the most. 

I am sitting here, about to cry my eyes out, listening to military tribute videos on YouTube, thinking of what I wanted to be, and how I feel like I was robbed of my dreams. I know I do it to myself, but just that one moment, where I feel like I matter? That is what I am looking for. 

I have a VA appointment on Friday. I know I am in a terrible spot right now. PTSD episodes and depression attacks every day are not good for me! I may be told that I have this stuff, and I may believe it, but I want to beat it. I have to beat it. Because if I can't believe it, then I've already lost. And I don't want to lose. If I lose, then that means Game Over. And there are no respawns in the life. 
So, I have decided to seek council. That's right, you heard me. I have decided to seek out help. When I go to the VA on Friday, I am going to ask to talk to a therapist about my problems. And I am going to find some way to serve. I don't have to get paid. I don't have to be recognized. I just want to be around people that I know respect me and care about me, and be in a position to help those people in any way I can, whether it be swapping stories, or just talking, or hanging out, going for a walk, it doesn't matter. I want to help the people that wore the same uniform as me. Anything. Something. Please? 

It means the world to me that the man who did my interview was so quick to give me a job. I don't think it was because I may have sounded a little desperate. I don't think it was because of how many times I said " sir. " I don't think it was because of how I dressed. I don't know what to think. I am just grateful that somebody recognized me, and is willing to give me a chance. It means the world to me. 

It truly means the world to me. I just wish everybody would see me for me, not for who they think I am. Not for my past. Not for my future. Not for what I have or what I don't have. I just want people to accept me for me, and that's it. That's all. 
December 17th, 1:54 AM 

So, I've got a lot on mind, and nobody to talk to. So, why not post it in a blog that nobody seems to care about? Sounds perfect. 

The truck driving gig did not work out. I was lied to about multiple things. I was lied to about the pay. I was lied to about the training materials. I was told that there would be automatic trucks for me to train on, and there wasn't. But the worse thing? The rumors about how they fire people left and right for bullcrap reasons. Which, that one is on me, because I was stupid enough to not put 2 and 2 together and figure out that they had a high turnover rate from always having job postings up. 

But I guess something good did come out of that. 
I had an interview on Wednesday. I walked in into the room, and I could tell that the man meant serious business as soon as he started drilling me about why I was wearing tennis shoes instead of my shoes from my Class A Army Uniform, and not dress slacks instead of khakis for 5 minutes. I thought I was going to be fine wearing that. It was at this point that I picked up my kahuna's, and asked the man, " Sir, are you a Veteran? " He says he's Reserves, and has been for years. 5 minutes later after asking me why I wanted a job as a security guy, I told him that I just wanted a full time job where I could feel like I mattered and could protect people. He immediately offered my choice of 3 jobs. 
An expected 3 to 4 month job search took 2 weeks. But I'm still not happy. 

You know how I said I wanted to protect people? Well, if I could do it, I would get rid of my VA Benefits, and join the Army again, I WOULD! I feel like I am a piece of crap because I signed a contract for 3 years and 9 weeks with the intention of doing 20 years or more and being what they call a "career'er" , and I only did 11 and a half months. I don't care if I hurt my back, and my getting out wasn't my fault, I feel so bad. It meant the world to me. 
Growing up, it was hard to get attention from my father. He was always dealing with working for the Army. He was gone for what seemed like all day. And when he would get home, he's be tired, and not want to do anything, and I resented him for that. So growing up, I was determined to not join the military, because I did not want to be like my father. Well, Junior year of High School rolled around, and I wasn't getting any scholarship offers like my friends were, so I had to really consider life. I decided I was going to graduate a semester early, and join the Army. I made a compromise with myself: I decided I would 1-UP my father. Whatever rank he retired as I wouldn't stop until I passed him. If he did 25 years, I wouldn't stop until I hit 26! I made all of these promises to myself, but look at my now! I am a 21 year old young man with a jacked up back, and knees going bad, and all I want to do is protect people! All I want to do is serve people. All I want to do is show people that I matter. 
I feel like people don't think I matter. If you look at all of my relationships the past few years, the girl always breaks up with me after 3 or 4 weeks. Either it is because I am too nice, too mean, too much of a gentlemen, not enough of a bad boy. I feel like people expect something of me, and I give it to them, they get upset. And it hurts. It really hurts. 

I'm dying inside right now. 

All I want to do is protect people, and all I can manage is a job that pays pretty decently. However, it's not people; it's money. It's good and all, but I want to protect people. Now, I don't think highly of myself. I'm not better than that guy over there, but I have respect for myself, and I have standards that I have set for myself, and when I can't meet those standards, I feel like I am not respecting myself, and that means that I am letting myself down. Anybody that knows me knows that I hate letting people down. It is one of the things that hurts me the most. 

I am sitting here, about to cry my eyes out, listening to military tribute videos on YouTube, thinking of what I wanted to be, and how I feel like I was robbed of my dreams. I know I do it to myself, but just that one moment, where I feel like I matter? That is what I am looking for. 

I have a VA appointment on Friday. I know I am in a terrible spot right now. PTSD episodes and depression attacks every day are not good for me! I may be told that I have this stuff, and I may believe it, but I want to beat it. I have to beat it. Because if I can't believe it, then I've already lost. And I don't want to lose. If I lose, then that means Game Over. And there are no respawns in the life. 
So, I have decided to seek council. That's right, you heard me. I have decided to seek out help. When I go to the VA on Friday, I am going to ask to talk to a therapist about my problems. And I am going to find some way to serve. I don't have to get paid. I don't have to be recognized. I just want to be around people that I know respect me and care about me, and be in a position to help those people in any way I can, whether it be swapping stories, or just talking, or hanging out, going for a walk, it doesn't matter. I want to help the people that wore the same uniform as me. Anything. Something. Please? 

It means the world to me that the man who did my interview was so quick to give me a job. I don't think it was because I may have sounded a little desperate. I don't think it was because of how many times I said " sir. " I don't think it was because of how I dressed. I don't know what to think. I am just grateful that somebody recognized me, and is willing to give me a chance. It means the world to me. 

It truly means the world to me. I just wish everybody would see me for me, not for who they think I am. Not for my past. Not for my future. Not for what I have or what I don't have. I just want people to accept me for me, and that's it. That's all. 
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01-17-15 07:16 AM
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Wow, this is just simply amazing! I didn't know that you were a veteran! Thank you so much for protecting our country! May God bless you!
Wow, this is just simply amazing! I didn't know that you were a veteran! Thank you so much for protecting our country! May God bless you!
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01-19-15 02:38 PM
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I think at least a few people care about this blog, including me. It's just that no one has anything to say or no one wants to post here, I guess.

So far, this has been quite an interesting and deep blog that I've enjoyed reading. But I never had anything to say until your last post.

A job where you feel like you matter and where you can protect people is an excellent type of job to want. So far, I've wanted a job where I can take care of/protect/help others and having any other type of job seems like it'll never be as satisfying or interesting. Whenever I take care of pets or I help people, it reminds me that I matter. My self esteem isn't that good because of all that I struggle with, so I need reminders like that a lot.

Sure, I'm not on your side when you're spamming or doing anything else wrong that you can definitely control or you know is wrong, but I still accept you for who you are. If I didn't, I probably wouldn't have made this post.

I might make my own Vizzed blog (or something similar) soon, since this blog has been making me think more about some things and want to put them out there. But some of them I don't know how to put into words well yet. If I do, I'm pretty sure I'm going to credit you for making your blog and giving me the idea to do the same.

You can talk to me about what you're going through. Since I've been through a crazy amount of crud (as well as a crazy amount of positives) in the past few years, I've become a very understanding person. Ever since last year, there's barely any things about life that people have told me about that I haven't understood.
I think at least a few people care about this blog, including me. It's just that no one has anything to say or no one wants to post here, I guess.

So far, this has been quite an interesting and deep blog that I've enjoyed reading. But I never had anything to say until your last post.

A job where you feel like you matter and where you can protect people is an excellent type of job to want. So far, I've wanted a job where I can take care of/protect/help others and having any other type of job seems like it'll never be as satisfying or interesting. Whenever I take care of pets or I help people, it reminds me that I matter. My self esteem isn't that good because of all that I struggle with, so I need reminders like that a lot.

Sure, I'm not on your side when you're spamming or doing anything else wrong that you can definitely control or you know is wrong, but I still accept you for who you are. If I didn't, I probably wouldn't have made this post.

I might make my own Vizzed blog (or something similar) soon, since this blog has been making me think more about some things and want to put them out there. But some of them I don't know how to put into words well yet. If I do, I'm pretty sure I'm going to credit you for making your blog and giving me the idea to do the same.

You can talk to me about what you're going through. Since I've been through a crazy amount of crud (as well as a crazy amount of positives) in the past few years, I've become a very understanding person. Ever since last year, there's barely any things about life that people have told me about that I haven't understood.
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(edited by PacmanandMariofan on 01-19-15 02:39 PM)    

01-20-15 11:36 PM
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mario102 : A lot of people know that I was in the Army. I used to know shut up about it. XD 

PacmanandMariofan : Thanks man. I didn't know people actually read it. It means a lot that you actually care about me. Thanks.
Be sure to summon me if you ever make your own blog, alright? 
mario102 : A lot of people know that I was in the Army. I used to know shut up about it. XD 

PacmanandMariofan : Thanks man. I didn't know people actually read it. It means a lot that you actually care about me. Thanks.
Be sure to summon me if you ever make your own blog, alright? 
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02-13-15 01:04 PM
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February 13th, 11:03 AM 

RANT TIME: 
My new site wants me to be the graveyard shift guy. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! No.
I'll do it next week, but I'll tell my site supervisor that I'm not working no graveyard crap. I'm not being nocturnal, and going back to crap. It's not happening. I already don't want to do the site because I'm being forced to pay for a union that can't do anything because this site isn't allowed to strike, and the pay is the worse pay in the area, but seriously? Yeah, I got to have a serious talk with my Supervisor tonight.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I ain't working no graveyard shift. I'll work the 1600-0000 and the 1200-0000, but I'm not doing the 0000-0800 and the 0000-1200 shifts.
This had better be for training purposes only. Because my site supervisor told me directly that I would be working the 1600-0000 shift, Monday through Friday. 

And to make matters worse, I can't find a date for Valentines yet. I mean, I may have one, but she's undecided. We'll have to see what happens there. 
February 13th, 11:03 AM 

RANT TIME: 
My new site wants me to be the graveyard shift guy. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! No.
I'll do it next week, but I'll tell my site supervisor that I'm not working no graveyard crap. I'm not being nocturnal, and going back to crap. It's not happening. I already don't want to do the site because I'm being forced to pay for a union that can't do anything because this site isn't allowed to strike, and the pay is the worse pay in the area, but seriously? Yeah, I got to have a serious talk with my Supervisor tonight.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I ain't working no graveyard shift. I'll work the 1600-0000 and the 1200-0000, but I'm not doing the 0000-0800 and the 0000-1200 shifts.
This had better be for training purposes only. Because my site supervisor told me directly that I would be working the 1600-0000 shift, Monday through Friday. 

And to make matters worse, I can't find a date for Valentines yet. I mean, I may have one, but she's undecided. We'll have to see what happens there. 
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03-15-15 10:54 AM
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I know what I want. I know what I would like. I just have to figure out how to get around all these obstacles that are in my way so I can achieve my goals. 

I just want to be happy. 
I know what I want. I know what I would like. I just have to figure out how to get around all these obstacles that are in my way so I can achieve my goals. 

I just want to be happy. 
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04-17-15 04:24 AM
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April 17th, 2:09 AM PST: 

So, I don't know why I did it, but I did. I decided to watch the tribute to Paul Walker by Wiz Khalifa. And it got me thinking about my friends and family. 

People who know me, or at least know a lot about me know that you do not mess with me or my family. I have always been extremely over protective of the ones I cherish, if that is even possible. 

I sit here, and I think about a time back around the time I was finishing up 5th grade. Relatively small compared to what I would go through to defend my loved ones, but still. This kid had been bullying one of my sisters for awhile now. She kept telling me not to do anything about it, so I respected her wishes. However, one day, he decided to take it a little farther than hurtful words; he decided to put his hands on her. She was riding her bike around the apartment complex, and he found her, and pushed her off her bike. Well, Mom was out doing something ( I thinking either shopping for food or at work ) , so it was just me and my 2 sisters at the apartment. When Beth got back to the apartment without her bike, and I noticed that her arms were scraped out, I started to get worried. So I asked her what happened. Before she could answer the kid came rolling up on his bike, and started laughing at her. Well, all Beth could do is point at him because she was crying so hard. So, I did what any good big brother would do... I grabbed my other sister's bike, and chased this kid down through the complex furiously for about a good 5 minutes or so before I finally caught him. When I got up next to the kid, I jumped off my sister's still moving bike onto the kid, and I started to wail on him, cussing him out, and told him how I was going to beat his [ butt ] and that he would be be sorry he ever put his hands on my sister. By the time I got finished wailing on this kid who had a good bit of size on me, I left him in a bloody pulp. I went back to my sisters with both of their bikes in tow, and they were mad at me for wailing on the kid.
Come to find out, I gave him two black eyes, one of them so swollen, it took a month before he could see out of one of his eyes. I also broke one of his arms, and fractured one of his legs.

The point I am trying to make is that I take my loved ones, my cherished ones, my friends and my family most of all, very seriously. If you even threaten them, you will instantly regret it.

I don't know why I thought of this. Maybe because in the video, it talks about how close they were as a family. They weren't related at all, but they were still a family. And that's how I feel about a lot of my friends; they are my family.

I've been hurt a lot in the past, so I don't just let anybody in. I have to really trust you. And even then I probably won't tell you too much.  

Just don't threaten my friends or family, and we won't have a problem.  




I sit here and I think about who I love. And I don't know why, but I keep thinking about my father. We've never been uber close, but he's my father, and I am his son. And I know he's got 25 to 30 years on me. I know it's going to happen eventually, what with his 28 and a half years in the Army, and the side effects that come with that. His smoking that used to be so bad. Something is going to happen, and I can't help but think that something is going to happen soon, as the worst time possible. 

I have't cried in years, but when this happens... I know I am going to break down. I don't know how I will be able to handle it. I just can't let that happen. I know that a parent is not supposed to bury their child, but I can't help but wish that I die before my parents, because I can't stand losing any more loved ones. 
April 17th, 2:09 AM PST: 

So, I don't know why I did it, but I did. I decided to watch the tribute to Paul Walker by Wiz Khalifa. And it got me thinking about my friends and family. 

People who know me, or at least know a lot about me know that you do not mess with me or my family. I have always been extremely over protective of the ones I cherish, if that is even possible. 

I sit here, and I think about a time back around the time I was finishing up 5th grade. Relatively small compared to what I would go through to defend my loved ones, but still. This kid had been bullying one of my sisters for awhile now. She kept telling me not to do anything about it, so I respected her wishes. However, one day, he decided to take it a little farther than hurtful words; he decided to put his hands on her. She was riding her bike around the apartment complex, and he found her, and pushed her off her bike. Well, Mom was out doing something ( I thinking either shopping for food or at work ) , so it was just me and my 2 sisters at the apartment. When Beth got back to the apartment without her bike, and I noticed that her arms were scraped out, I started to get worried. So I asked her what happened. Before she could answer the kid came rolling up on his bike, and started laughing at her. Well, all Beth could do is point at him because she was crying so hard. So, I did what any good big brother would do... I grabbed my other sister's bike, and chased this kid down through the complex furiously for about a good 5 minutes or so before I finally caught him. When I got up next to the kid, I jumped off my sister's still moving bike onto the kid, and I started to wail on him, cussing him out, and told him how I was going to beat his [ butt ] and that he would be be sorry he ever put his hands on my sister. By the time I got finished wailing on this kid who had a good bit of size on me, I left him in a bloody pulp. I went back to my sisters with both of their bikes in tow, and they were mad at me for wailing on the kid.
Come to find out, I gave him two black eyes, one of them so swollen, it took a month before he could see out of one of his eyes. I also broke one of his arms, and fractured one of his legs.

The point I am trying to make is that I take my loved ones, my cherished ones, my friends and my family most of all, very seriously. If you even threaten them, you will instantly regret it.

I don't know why I thought of this. Maybe because in the video, it talks about how close they were as a family. They weren't related at all, but they were still a family. And that's how I feel about a lot of my friends; they are my family.

I've been hurt a lot in the past, so I don't just let anybody in. I have to really trust you. And even then I probably won't tell you too much.  

Just don't threaten my friends or family, and we won't have a problem.  




I sit here and I think about who I love. And I don't know why, but I keep thinking about my father. We've never been uber close, but he's my father, and I am his son. And I know he's got 25 to 30 years on me. I know it's going to happen eventually, what with his 28 and a half years in the Army, and the side effects that come with that. His smoking that used to be so bad. Something is going to happen, and I can't help but think that something is going to happen soon, as the worst time possible. 

I have't cried in years, but when this happens... I know I am going to break down. I don't know how I will be able to handle it. I just can't let that happen. I know that a parent is not supposed to bury their child, but I can't help but wish that I die before my parents, because I can't stand losing any more loved ones. 
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04-17-15 03:48 PM
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It stinks that so few people post here. It's such a deep and interesting blog.

It's great to hear that you take your loved ones so seriously. That's always an excellent characteristic of a person.

I'm praying that your dad will stay alive during his time serving our country and that he'll stay alive for many more years after that as well.
It stinks that so few people post here. It's such a deep and interesting blog.

It's great to hear that you take your loved ones so seriously. That's always an excellent characteristic of a person.

I'm praying that your dad will stay alive during his time serving our country and that he'll stay alive for many more years after that as well.
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04-17-15 07:20 PM
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PacmanandMariofan : He is retired. My dad is officially retired from the military as of April 1st. 

Basically, I was trying to say that I could not imagine life without any of my loved ones. 
PacmanandMariofan : He is retired. My dad is officially retired from the military as of April 1st. 

Basically, I was trying to say that I could not imagine life without any of my loved ones. 
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04-17-15 08:03 PM
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Oh, OK. I couldn't imagine life without any of my loved ones, either. Most people can't. The people that you grow up with are the people you usually need the most and try to stick with.

It's very impressive that he stayed in the Army so long, and I'm glad he's alive and retired!

I'm still going to pray that he'll stay alive for many more years, and that his time in the Army won't have too much of a negative impact on him.
Oh, OK. I couldn't imagine life without any of my loved ones, either. Most people can't. The people that you grow up with are the people you usually need the most and try to stick with.

It's very impressive that he stayed in the Army so long, and I'm glad he's alive and retired!

I'm still going to pray that he'll stay alive for many more years, and that his time in the Army won't have too much of a negative impact on him.
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05-16-15 09:44 AM
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May 16th, 7:42 AM PST: 

Well, the VA called me yesterday morning. Orthopedics. I'm not sure if it's about my knee that I was supposed to schedule a surgery for 2 months ago, or what. I'm kind of worried. I know I have no reason to be, but I can't help but wonder why they called me out of the blue to schedule an appointment less than half a week out. 
May 16th, 7:42 AM PST: 

Well, the VA called me yesterday morning. Orthopedics. I'm not sure if it's about my knee that I was supposed to schedule a surgery for 2 months ago, or what. I'm kind of worried. I know I have no reason to be, but I can't help but wonder why they called me out of the blue to schedule an appointment less than half a week out. 
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