Okay, so I posted my first draft for my Detective Miles Arme story a week or two ago. Now I have my final draft of the story. I'd really like some more feedback. If you read this, thanks for taking the time to do so!
Singelli :
A user of this :
greenluigi :
NintendoFanKimmy :
Pokefreak219 : thought you guys might be interested. Here goes!

   It’s been 10 years since it happened. 10 years since that horrible, horrible day. I’ve tried to move on. I’ve tried to forget about it, but nothing works. I remember the desolate feelings of despair the day it happened, and the mourning that still occurs in me today. My co workers in the force have given up searching, but I haven’t. My name is Detective Miles Arme, and I will find the one who murdered my beloved Julie.
   It’s a rainy, dreary afternoon in Los Angeles. I finally have a lead. Thomas Kriller, a fellow officer, has been my good friend for a long time. He found that the murder weapon- a knife- had a carving on it; “J.C.W.” This gave me more hope. Could this be the evidence to help me find Julie’s killer? After analyzing this with business’ names, I came upon the abandoned Jordan Cargo Warehouse. This must be where the weapon was created.
   “Great.” I mutter, walking in the rain to the warehouse entrance. “I doubt I’ll even get anything from here.” Finally, I get up to the main door, and reach for the knob. It jiggles when I attempt to open it; locked. I knock, just in case somebody might be here. “Detective Miles Arme, LAPD. Open up!”...No answer. I knock one more time. Nobody answers still. I hear some clatter inside, though. Is somebody ignoring me? I decide to just “let myself in.” I throw myself against the door. It gives way about an inch. I lunge at it with all my weight. Finally, the door breaks open.
   I’m about to walk in when suddenly, a shot is fired! It whizzes towards me, and I hear a clink. I’m not hurt, so it must not have hit me. Since I don’t have any time to worry about it, I take out my pistol and fire two warning shots at the ceiling. “Put your weapon on the ground and come out with your hands behind your head!” More shots. This obviously won’t work. I radio in, “I need backup at the Jordan Cargo Warehouse pronto, we have shots fired!” Then, I sprint into the warehouse and take cover behind a crate of scrap metal. I peek above the crate to get a look at my shooter, just to have more bullets ping off of the scrap metal.
   I quickly duck back down and exhale deeply. “This guy is a good shot…” I think to myself. “I wonder if he’s had training?” I see more bullets fly past the crate I’m crouching behind. I stick out my arm and fire a couple shots blindly.  After contemplating for a bit on what to do, I run out of my cover and see a figure heading for the back of the warehouse. “STOP!” I yell. I hear another shot.
   This time the bullet hits me in my right hand. I allow a cry of pain to escape me, but then I tough it out. Luckily, I’m left handed. I shoot at him with my remaining hand on the gun, not knowing if I’m hitting him or not. A piercing yell gives me my answer. I now know my suspect is a male.
   I run to the back of the warehouse where I shot. My suspect isn’t here anymore, but he did leave a bloodstain behind. Before I move on, I let a thought come to mind. Shouldn’t have backup arrived by now? I take out my radio. “Ah, crap…” I say, as I realize that the first bullet, which didn’t hit me, in fact hit the radio. I suppose I’m all by myself in this. I follow the drips of blood to an office-like room.
   In the room, I see very disturbing images. There are pictures of my wife everywhere. There are random scribblings on the wall, saying “JULIE” It’s so...unsettling. Before I can gather all my thoughts, I feel a sharp pain in the back of my head. Everything starts to fade away, as I fall to the ground. I get one last word out before I fade into blackness. “Julie…”
                                                                                                                                 ...
   I wake up panting. Where am I now? I try to move my hands, but I find that I’m tied up in a chair. Somehow, my captor isn’t very good at tying tight knots. I yank my hands as hard as I can, and soon the ropes are very loose. Suddenly, there’s a click at the door. I see the turning of the knob.
   I give a sharp gasp. My captor has entered the room. He is wearing a ski-mask. “Isn’t that stereotypical,” I think to myself. I stop struggling. He has a knife, and I don’t want him to know I’m nearly free. There’s a bloodstain on his right shin- that must have been where I shot him. He walks with a limp. He could kill me right now. It’s then that I realize that I could die here. I could die…….but no, I can’t. I have to live. I have to live for Julie.
   “Hello, Miles…” How does he know my name? He starts to get closer. “I’ve been wanting to have you in my control for a long time. I can finally get my revenge.” He sounds so cold, and evil. “I’m going to kill you, Miles, just like I killed your stupid wife.” “Don’t talk about my wife like that!” I shout at him. He, in response, punches me in the face.
   “Don’t talk to ME like that!” He yells. “You know what? I’m going to test your will to survive.” He pulls out a seemingly modified grenade. “You have 1 minute to escape from this room. If you succeed, you get to keep your life!...Maybe. Good luck!” He calmly walks out of the room, and before shutting the door, he pulls the safety ring off the grenade and tosses it into the room.
   I know I have to act fast. It is lucky that I had already loosened the ropes. I remove them with ease, then get working on my feet. I’m counting down the seconds, and there are about 20 seconds left by the time I get my feet undone. I sprint to the door, and jiggle the knob. That little jerk, it was locked. “Dangit, that scum! What do I do now? Think, Miles, think...” Using all the force and gathering all the adrenaline I have, I kick the door as hard as I could. It springs open.
   I run out ten seconds before the explosion goes off. The noise nearly blows my eardrums out. The force of the explosion knocks me down. The back of my hair is singed, I’m cut and bruised, but I’m alive. Panting, I gather myself and stand up. “That was close,” I say. I turn around to look for this masked man, when I find him rushing toward me! Using my quick reflexes I try to defend myself. As he tries to stab me, I block him and elbow him in the side. It wasn’t enough.  He kicks me in the stomach, hard. “Oof!” I cry as I crash to the ground, the wind knocked out of me. “Finally...I can kill you, Miles Arme!” I’m frozen in fear when suddenly I get a burst of motivation. I don’t know where it comes from, but I’m glad I get it. I’m not ready to die.
   I kick him in the shin, right where I shot him, and he goes sprawling onto the ground, dropping the knife in the process. It makes a scraping noise as it slides across the ground, toward me. I take a quick peek at the knife. It has a carving on it….JCW. This is the knife this man murdered Julie with! I then spring up and pin him on the ground. “NOOO!!!!” He screams, as I take off his mask. To this day, I can’t  believe who it was.
   “Tom!?!?!?” I questioningly yell. “I-It was you this whole time!? But...how?” An evil laugh escapes his throat. “I’ve always been jealous of you and Julie. How you guys had the perfect life. My life was AWFUL!!” He maniacally screams. “I had nobody that loved me. Nobody...” He is laughing in despair. “I was in love in your wife. But she chose YOU over ME! I was so angry…”
   I can’t believe that Tom, my great friend, murdered my wife. There’s no way it’s true. But, alas, it is. Suddenly, my anger overtakes me. I take out my gun from my holster. I can’t control myself. I aim at Tom’s head. “...Do it,” he says.
   “Miles! What are you doing?” I hear somebody say. I turn my head and aim my gun in the direction of the voice. I see two other police officers, and then I realize what I was about to do. “I was going to kill a surrendering man. Have I really sunk that low?”
I put my gun back into my holster. “Arrest this man, officers,” I say.“Why?” One of them responds. As I walk out, I say, “I’ll explain at the precinct.” I look back one more time, and see Tom scowling at me as they lead him into the car. I finally walk out of the warehouse and get into my car.
   When I get to the precinct, I tell the other two officers everything that happened. They listen the whole time, eyes wide. “I can’t believe that Tom is a murderer,” one says. I shake my head. “Neither can I.”  
   I visit Tom in the Detention Center the next day. He’s going on trial for second degree murder and attempting to kill a police officer. “Why did you give me the clue on the knife?” I ask him. “To be honest,” he says, not looking me in the eye. “I kind of wanted you to find me. It’s not like I’m glad I killed your wife, Miles.” Now he looks me in the eye. “It’s one my biggest regrets. I was still your friend.” I stare at him, not taking my eyes off of his. “...Goodbye, Tom.” I say. Then I leave the room.
   In the end, I’m rewarded greatly by the chief for finding the murderer of Julie, and sniffing out a criminal within the force. They promote me to head detective, and I’m granted $5000 as a bonus. Tom pleaded not guilty, yet was found guilty of his crimes. He’s on death row right now. I can finally get over the murder of my wife, and move on. As I walk into work on this beautiful, sunny morning, I feel something that I haven’t felt in a long time. Happiness.

Wow, nice writing, Popeye! It's got a lot of action for a short story, great going!

What inspired this story, if you don't mind me asking?

A user of this : I don't know. I kinda just thought it up. It was supposed to be a suspenseful story based off something that happened in our lives, but this one doesn't have anything to do with my life