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The Tales of Alumina: Akira (An Original Story)
06-14-13 12:42 PM
AlexNightwalker is Offline
| ID: 817057 | 697 Words





POSTS: 12/77
POST EXP: 21192
LVL EXP: 44860
CP: 83.0
VIZ: 5172

Okay, before you go and read this, I have some things to say. This is an original story, currently about eight and a half chapters long. It is also the first book in what I hope will become a very large series. Anyone who feels the need to steal any part of this material, I feel sorry for you because you obviously do not have the imagination to create a story of your own. So, some quick advice to story-stealers: Everyone has the imagination to write a story, you just have to take the time to write down some ideas. I have been working on this for over a year, but there is no developed plotline. Seriously, I am making this up as I go along. I've only really developed the characters. There are some errors in spelling and tense that I am going to be fixing as I post, but please let me know if, while you are reading, you come across any errors. Constructive criticism is much appreciated, but I can take it if you wish to be harsh. This current draft is actually my second one. I did not like the original and thought it to be too plain. For now, I am posting just the prologue while I decide on whether I should just make a new topic per chapter, or just post it all in this one topic. Well, let's not keep you waiting any longer. Enjoy, and please let me know what you think! Prologue The fire burned through the dense forest outside, the cavern filling with acrid smoke. Alumina coughed, her eyes closed and burning. Whimpering. Bright orange eyes snapped open at the sound, emitting a soft glow through the haze. They only had a few moments before the flames swept into their place of hiding and either burned them out, or burned them alive. Strength surged through her failing limbs and senses as the name of her Demon Twin flashed into her mind. No, they couldn't sit and keep waiting. She would be waiting for them, and would kill the pup on sight. “Lucius, come here.” Alumina coaxed, waiting for the young wolf to stumble forward. The life was flickering in and out of his eyes, and the she-wolf’s resolve hardened. Wordlessly, she bent and secured his scruff into her jaws. She could see tendrils of shadowy flame flit into the cave, floating idly before vanishing against the cavern roof. Ducking low, she forced her muscles to move, careful not to breathe in too much smoke, or let Lucius dangle too close to the ground. She cleared the cavern in one leap, just as the fire surged inside – a small bit catching one hind paw and burning it. Alumina winced, but leapt onwards. She soared over fallen logs, some burning, and charged through thick bushes. Her goal was the lake. Sparkling blue water soon shone through the trees. As the black she-wolf barreled for the shore, she heard, not one, but two howls of fury somewhere near the cavern. The keening brought a whimper from Lucius, and almost caused Alumina to drop him. But she held him firm, bounding the last few meters to the safety of the water. Sharp teeth suddenly dug deep into the femma’s tail. She yelped, losing her grip on the pup as her attacker jerked her backwards. Alumina reared to counter, but she watched helplessly as Lucius flew high, then splashed into the center of the lake. “No!” She screamed, whirling around on her hinds so fast she ripped her tail from her enemy’s jaws. A flash of swirling black, a thud, and sharp pain as jagged rocks scoured her back. Alumina looked up at the glowing crimson eyes, shadows flowing and surging into the form of the larger she-wolf’s body. “So, we meet again, Alumina.” The Demon Twin laughed, the sound chilling her blood. From her peripheral vision, she watched as two more shapes – bodies nothing more than torn, mangled versions of their former selves – emerged, bristling, from the forest shadows. “Akira.” Alumina growled, eyes narrowing as her usual soft tone turned harsh. “I see you brought company this time.” Okay, before you go and read this, I have some things to say. This is an original story, currently about eight and a half chapters long. It is also the first book in what I hope will become a very large series. Anyone who feels the need to steal any part of this material, I feel sorry for you because you obviously do not have the imagination to create a story of your own. So, some quick advice to story-stealers: Everyone has the imagination to write a story, you just have to take the time to write down some ideas. I have been working on this for over a year, but there is no developed plotline. Seriously, I am making this up as I go along. I've only really developed the characters. There are some errors in spelling and tense that I am going to be fixing as I post, but please let me know if, while you are reading, you come across any errors. Constructive criticism is much appreciated, but I can take it if you wish to be harsh. This current draft is actually my second one. I did not like the original and thought it to be too plain. For now, I am posting just the prologue while I decide on whether I should just make a new topic per chapter, or just post it all in this one topic. Well, let's not keep you waiting any longer. Enjoy, and please let me know what you think! Prologue The fire burned through the dense forest outside, the cavern filling with acrid smoke. Alumina coughed, her eyes closed and burning. Whimpering. Bright orange eyes snapped open at the sound, emitting a soft glow through the haze. They only had a few moments before the flames swept into their place of hiding and either burned them out, or burned them alive. Strength surged through her failing limbs and senses as the name of her Demon Twin flashed into her mind. No, they couldn't sit and keep waiting. She would be waiting for them, and would kill the pup on sight. “Lucius, come here.” Alumina coaxed, waiting for the young wolf to stumble forward. The life was flickering in and out of his eyes, and the she-wolf’s resolve hardened. Wordlessly, she bent and secured his scruff into her jaws. She could see tendrils of shadowy flame flit into the cave, floating idly before vanishing against the cavern roof. Ducking low, she forced her muscles to move, careful not to breathe in too much smoke, or let Lucius dangle too close to the ground. She cleared the cavern in one leap, just as the fire surged inside – a small bit catching one hind paw and burning it. Alumina winced, but leapt onwards. She soared over fallen logs, some burning, and charged through thick bushes. Her goal was the lake. Sparkling blue water soon shone through the trees. As the black she-wolf barreled for the shore, she heard, not one, but two howls of fury somewhere near the cavern. The keening brought a whimper from Lucius, and almost caused Alumina to drop him. But she held him firm, bounding the last few meters to the safety of the water. Sharp teeth suddenly dug deep into the femma’s tail. She yelped, losing her grip on the pup as her attacker jerked her backwards. Alumina reared to counter, but she watched helplessly as Lucius flew high, then splashed into the center of the lake. “No!” She screamed, whirling around on her hinds so fast she ripped her tail from her enemy’s jaws. A flash of swirling black, a thud, and sharp pain as jagged rocks scoured her back. Alumina looked up at the glowing crimson eyes, shadows flowing and surging into the form of the larger she-wolf’s body. “So, we meet again, Alumina.” The Demon Twin laughed, the sound chilling her blood. From her peripheral vision, she watched as two more shapes – bodies nothing more than torn, mangled versions of their former selves – emerged, bristling, from the forest shadows. “Akira.” Alumina growled, eyes narrowing as her usual soft tone turned harsh. “I see you brought company this time.” |
Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'
Registered: 06-10-13
Location: United States
Last Post: 4189 days
Last Active: 3912 days
06-21-13 01:02 AM
SUX2BU is Offline
| ID: 821704 | 41 Words






POSTS: 132/842
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AlexNightwalker : The story's pretty good so far. I'd like to hear more of it. I've been working on a story myself, but I don't have a way with words like you do. Also, I'm dying to know what happened to Lucius. AlexNightwalker : The story's pretty good so far. I'd like to hear more of it. I've been working on a story myself, but I don't have a way with words like you do. Also, I'm dying to know what happened to Lucius. |
*Sigh* |
Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'
Registered: 11-04-11
Location: Fey Manor
Last Post: 2935 days
Last Active: 1076 days
06-21-13 02:05 PM
AlexNightwalker is Offline
| ID: 822054 | 6233 Words





POSTS: 17/77
POST EXP: 21192
LVL EXP: 44860
CP: 83.0
VIZ: 5172

SUX2BU: Thank you very much! Unfortunately, you're going to have to stick with the story until a couple chapters after chapter ten, as several events have to happen before I can return to the scene in the prologue. But, here is chapter 1! (By the way, it is actually over 6 thousand words.. ^ ^" )
Oh, and for all the readers, just a warning, there is a bit of gore coming up. Also, I apologize for the length of the post, I cannot figure out how to get the correct alignment.. Please, let me know if you find any tense switches or anything that does not make sense, or that you think should be changed/taken out. I love feedback.
Enter Alumina
Evergreen
A
In
It
“Khana!
Shyly,
His
As
Kiba
“Do
Kiba
**** It
After
“Why
Curious,
“Leore
“Among
As
Without
“What’s
The
Alumina
That
Finally,
“Well
**** That
“Minas.”
His
“Leore.”
Slowly,
“Ah,
“But that doesn’t explain how you can see me!” She cried, her ears flattening. “Think,
“Why am I here?” “My
“And
**** Leore followed Bone’s scent; her daughter’s unfamiliar to the she-wolf’s nose. Tzaar is wrong! Bone would never do anything to upset the delicate balance between the Clans.
The
As
Leore
She
Suddenly,
Leore
**** Alumina
Tzaar
“Shh,
Tzaar
Dismissed,
Alumina
Alumina
But
Leore
When
"You
Alumina
The black she-wolf ran until her limbs gave out, and then she slumped to the earth and fainted.
**** Alumina
“Shhh!”
“You can see me?” She asked, slowly sitting up. Her limbs felt as though they were rocks. “Yes, little one. Minas cannot, but my mate and I can.” The she-Elder replied. Alumina’s eyes widened. Tzaar had a mate?!
“My name is Sitka.” The Elder said after a pause. Alumina nodded, too shocked to speak. “I am still in the past, then?” “Yes, and I fear you cannot leave until your purpose here is fulfilled.” “Purpose?” Tzaar
“Alumina.”
Alumina
The
Alumina
**** Alumina
A
Smoke
Alumina
She
Alumina
Alumina
The other shook her head. “No, I am nothing like you.” Akira narrowed her eyes. “You have the same markings, just a different color. How can you not be like me?” “I am not a murderer.” Alumina snarled, moving further forward. Akira mirrored her. “You’ve never felt the impulse to kill? That wonderful voice that says one death is never enough?!” “If ever such a feeling found its way to me, I’d be happy to tell you about it.” Akira
Alumina
“I
“I must admit, you are strong, Akira.” “As
“How about Dead Demon?” Akira laughed, balancing on one hind paw and spinning away. “Twins!” “We
“Then
Alumina
“You’re
“You
Akira
Alumina
Shadows
Akira
Alumina
Shadows
Alumina
Alumina
SUX2BU: Thank you very much! Unfortunately, you're going to have to stick with the story until a couple chapters after chapter ten, as several events have to happen before I can return to the scene in the prologue. But, here is chapter 1! (By the way, it is actually over 6 thousand words.. ^ ^" )
Oh, and for all the readers, just a warning, there is a bit of gore coming up. Also, I apologize for the length of the post, I cannot figure out how to get the correct alignment.. Please, let me know if you find any tense switches or anything that does not make sense, or that you think should be changed/taken out. I love feedback.
Enter Alumina
Evergreen
A
In
It
“Khana!
Shyly,
His
As
Kiba
“Do
Kiba
**** It
After
“Why
Curious,
“Leore
“Among
As
Without
“What’s
The
Alumina
That
Finally,
“Well
**** That
“Minas.”
His
“Leore.”
Slowly,
“Ah,
“But that doesn’t explain how you can see me!” She cried, her ears flattening. “Think,
“Why am I here?” “My
“And
**** Leore followed Bone’s scent; her daughter’s unfamiliar to the she-wolf’s nose. Tzaar is wrong! Bone would never do anything to upset the delicate balance between the Clans.
The
As
Leore
She
Suddenly,
Leore
**** Alumina
Tzaar
“Shh,
Tzaar
Dismissed,
Alumina
Alumina
But
Leore
When
"You
Alumina
The black she-wolf ran until her limbs gave out, and then she slumped to the earth and fainted.
**** Alumina
“Shhh!”
“You can see me?” She asked, slowly sitting up. Her limbs felt as though they were rocks. “Yes, little one. Minas cannot, but my mate and I can.” The she-Elder replied. Alumina’s eyes widened. Tzaar had a mate?!
“My name is Sitka.” The Elder said after a pause. Alumina nodded, too shocked to speak. “I am still in the past, then?” “Yes, and I fear you cannot leave until your purpose here is fulfilled.” “Purpose?” Tzaar
“Alumina.”
Alumina
The
Alumina
**** Alumina
A
Smoke
Alumina
She
Alumina
Alumina
The other shook her head. “No, I am nothing like you.” Akira narrowed her eyes. “You have the same markings, just a different color. How can you not be like me?” “I am not a murderer.” Alumina snarled, moving further forward. Akira mirrored her. “You’ve never felt the impulse to kill? That wonderful voice that says one death is never enough?!” “If ever such a feeling found its way to me, I’d be happy to tell you about it.” Akira
Alumina
“I
“I must admit, you are strong, Akira.” “As
“How about Dead Demon?” Akira laughed, balancing on one hind paw and spinning away. “Twins!” “We
“Then
Alumina
“You’re
“You
Akira
Alumina
Shadows
Akira
Alumina
Shadows
Alumina
Alumina
|
Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'
Registered: 06-10-13
Location: United States
Last Post: 4189 days
Last Active: 3912 days
06-23-13 08:22 AM
Barathemos is Offline
| ID: 823370 | 27 Words






POSTS: 2394/15964
POST EXP: 687775
LVL EXP: 135622334
CP: 47968.3
VIZ: 1827621

Wow, that was a good story, Chapter, I am looking foward to seeing chapter 2! I guess I will have to wait for chapter 10 or so. I guess I will have to wait for chapter 10 or so. |
Minecraft Admin
Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'
Registered: 02-17-13
Location: Atlanta, Georgia
Last Post: 4 days
Last Active: 23 hours
06-23-13 01:53 PM
AlexNightwalker is Offline
| ID: 823551 | 38 Words





POSTS: 22/77
POST EXP: 21192
LVL EXP: 44860
CP: 83.0
VIZ: 5172

IMPORTANT EDIT*** Please read my next post in order to move on to Chapter 2. I messed up and forgot to take my Layout off before I posted, so I am editing this Chapter into my next post! |
Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'
Registered: 06-10-13
Location: United States
Last Post: 4189 days
Last Active: 3912 days
06-23-13 01:58 PM
Barathemos is Offline
| ID: 823556 | 74 Words






POSTS: 2401/15964
POST EXP: 687775
LVL EXP: 135622334
CP: 47968.3
VIZ: 1827621

Why did you cover it in white? I had to hit reply to read it. But it was really good. I liked how the story isn't just flat, it is exciting. It was a really good story. I am looking forward to chapter 3! And any chapter after that. Could you summon me when you write chapters 3, 4, 5 ext? It is shorter and does have less gore, but it is still great! |
Minecraft Admin
Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'
Registered: 02-17-13
Location: Atlanta, Georgia
Last Post: 4 days
Last Active: 23 hours
06-23-13 02:03 PM
AlexNightwalker is Offline
| ID: 823558 | 3419 Words





POSTS: 23/77
POST EXP: 21192
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CP: 83.0
VIZ: 5172

Barathemos : Thank you! I'll have chapter three out soon, and I'll be sure to summon you! And uhm, yeah, about that... I forgot my layout was still on when I hit "Submit Post" .. Is there any way I can get it turned off in that post, or am I screwed there? ![]() EDIT*** Here is Chapter 2, for those who have not yet read it. When a new person posts, I will submit Chapter 3. Demons Tzaar
The
Five
Are my abilities failing me at last?
Is Alumina safe?
Tzaar
The
For
Something
It
Emerald
Alumina
The
**** Alumina
“Mother…
“Daughter.”
“Where is Tzaar?” She growled. Alumina looked away, defeated. “He was eaten alive by some strange… Thing.”
“Silence!”
“This
Khana
A
Kiba looked confused, then pained. “Alumina…. How could you?” She
“After her!”
Agony
Fifteen
Slowly,
As
She
Yelping,
This is the end…
The
But
That
“Lilium.”
Lilium
Alumina
Alumina
“Your
At
Alumina’s
Too
![]() EDIT*** Here is Chapter 2, for those who have not yet read it. When a new person posts, I will submit Chapter 3. Demons Tzaar
The
Five
Are my abilities failing me at last?
Is Alumina safe?
Tzaar
The
For
Something
It
Emerald
Alumina
The
**** Alumina
“Mother…
“Daughter.”
“Where is Tzaar?” She growled. Alumina looked away, defeated. “He was eaten alive by some strange… Thing.”
“Silence!”
“This
Khana
A
Kiba looked confused, then pained. “Alumina…. How could you?” She
“After her!”
Agony
Fifteen
Slowly,
As
She
Yelping,
This is the end…
The
But
That
“Lilium.”
Lilium
Alumina
Alumina
“Your
At
Alumina’s
Too
|
Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'
Registered: 06-10-13
Location: United States
Last Post: 4189 days
Last Active: 3912 days
06-23-13 11:26 PM
SUX2BU is Offline
| ID: 823885 | 39 Words






POSTS: 140/842
POST EXP: 82954
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CP: 9257.7
VIZ: 23832

AlexNightwalker : This chapter was great too. I didn't get to read it all, but I read most of it. Sorry, I won't be on again for a while perhaps, but summon me when the next chapter comes out, kay? AlexNightwalker : This chapter was great too. I didn't get to read it all, but I read most of it. Sorry, I won't be on again for a while perhaps, but summon me when the next chapter comes out, kay? |
*Sigh* |
Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'
Registered: 11-04-11
Location: Fey Manor
Last Post: 2935 days
Last Active: 1076 days
06-23-13 11:47 PM
AlexNightwalker is Offline
| ID: 823904 | 1422 Words





POSTS: 29/77
POST EXP: 21192
LVL EXP: 44860
CP: 83.0
VIZ: 5172

SUX2BU : Alright, well I hope I'm doing the summons right then! And I hope you get to read more of it!
Barathemos : Uhm.. If I am summoning right, then you will be able to come read chapter 3 too... I think this is the shortest chapter. BTW, there is a facebook page for the story now, but I will have to post it in the thread tomorrow sometime. The Runaway Prince “We
The
Alumina
Only
Alumina still didn’t relax. “What will you do, father?” “I
“Until
“Now,
“Well,
“It’s Lucius.” Alumina nodded solemnly, then turned and started walking, bumping his rump with her tail. Follow me,
She
“I
He
A
“My
For
“A
Lucius
Barathemos : Uhm.. If I am summoning right, then you will be able to come read chapter 3 too... I think this is the shortest chapter. BTW, there is a facebook page for the story now, but I will have to post it in the thread tomorrow sometime. The Runaway Prince “We
The
Alumina
Only
Alumina still didn’t relax. “What will you do, father?” “I
“Until
“Now,
“Well,
“It’s Lucius.” Alumina nodded solemnly, then turned and started walking, bumping his rump with her tail. Follow me,
She
“I
He
A
“My
For
“A
Lucius
|
Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'
Registered: 06-10-13
Location: United States
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