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Cyro Xero
05-10-13 11:11 PM
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05-11-13 06:15 AM
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That Arny Life...

 

05-10-13 11:11 PM
Cyro Xero is Offline
| ID: 795151 | 812 Words

Cyro Xero
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Lately I've been reading the McDisaster stories on funnyjunk (guy giving anecdotes of bad days while working at McDonalds in the past). They are pretty good. Recently I started thinking that I have some good stories to tell during my time in the Army. I decided to write one up today. It's set in a very similar format as the McDisaster stories. So here it is. One of the many stories I have during my time in the service. Bear in mind that this story is 100% real, as are any others I may post. It's a bit of long read
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------


That Army Life...
1. Morning Surprise


-Camp Carroll, Korea
-Summer 2009
-In barracks on post
- Had just woken up.
- Went out to local Korean bars with friends right outside post the night before
-Still groggy
- Went to take my daily morning piss, empty myself of last night's fun
-Open my door to commons area
-two rooms shared commons area. one person per room, so both "roommates" share 1 sink, fridge/microwave, bathroom/shower and cupboards. bathroom is on immediate right of sink
-not a bad deal
-walk up to sink to rinse my mouth of alcohol after-taste
-spit the water out
-spot something in corner of my eye in the bathroom
-only overhead sink light is on and bathroom is dark
-vision is still unclear and required 10 more minutes to fully adjust
-turn my head to get a better look
-see dark spots on floor
-looks like bigger than average-sized chunks of used tobacco chew
-you been in the Army long enough you know that half the people smoke, and a good quarter of soldiers who smoke also chew tobacco
-stood there for 30 seconds
-still trying to make out what it is
-brain has only risen to 90% functionality
-suddenly get an idea of what dark chunks might be
-squint my eyes
-no way
-no, it coudln't be.....
-take one step in bathroom, pushing door further open
-move hand in around door frame and turn on the light
-ohmygodyougottabekiddingme.jpg
-s*** is all over the floor
-everywhere
-my mouth drops beyond limits of jaw's range of motion
-7+ soft piles of feces have been on the cold floor for god knows how long
-I look down
-a chunk had been smeared on the floor underneath the door in the direction I pushed it open
-also notice a pile is 2-3 inches from my foot where I blindly stepped in
-I got lucky. I'm barefoot
- quickly move foot away from the steaming bathroom mine
-poo is by the shower, by the wall and by the door
-none of it in the toilet, where it should be
-none
-porcelain god was not happy with the failed midnight offerings
-I'm confused and in disbelief
-suprised I wasn't giving a failed morning offering right there upon seeing this
-fingers are plugging my nose as if VX nerve agent is in the air
-turn to look at roommate's door
-go over to it and start knocking. can't do it hard
-still in zombie state, but improving.
-disbelief and zombie state give my mind unexplainable state of consciousness
-knocks get harder and harder
-I continue this for 10 minutes
-10 minutes
-despite this still no answer.
-Don't know if roommate is gone or if dude is out cold
-fmw
-I give up
-go back to room, change and leave to go my battle-buddy's room and for breakfast in another building.
-didn't even bother to brush my teeth befoe leaving after what I just experienced
-tell battle-buddy what happened
- starts laughing , then"Oh hell no!! I would be -pounding- on his door!"
-we go to breakfast in the dining faciltiy below his room. meet up with a female friend of ours.
-Also tell her the story
-her mouth drops beyond the limits of her jaw's range of motion
-finish eating breakfast and go back to room few hours later around noon
-see roommate on hands and knees, scrubbing the floor like he's excavating golden diamonds from the tiles for the last 45 minutes
-wish I was there to see the look on his face when he realized what he'd done
-ask what happend
-dude (in his early 20's) has never been drunk before
-friends took him out last night and got him wasted
-came back to his room and used the bathroom
-"tried" to use the bathroom, and missed
-several times
- don't know if he was too drunk to turn on the lights or too drunk to know how
-probably just didn't know how to handle being hammered
-still no excuse for such a lethal misfire, leaving behind a bunch of anus goblns
-in the end it was all cleaned up and safe to set foot in
-the Army sucks sometimes, but at least I have this gem of story remember


Lately I've been reading the McDisaster stories on funnyjunk (guy giving anecdotes of bad days while working at McDonalds in the past). They are pretty good. Recently I started thinking that I have some good stories to tell during my time in the Army. I decided to write one up today. It's set in a very similar format as the McDisaster stories. So here it is. One of the many stories I have during my time in the service. Bear in mind that this story is 100% real, as are any others I may post. It's a bit of long read
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------


That Army Life...
1. Morning Surprise


-Camp Carroll, Korea
-Summer 2009
-In barracks on post
- Had just woken up.
- Went out to local Korean bars with friends right outside post the night before
-Still groggy
- Went to take my daily morning piss, empty myself of last night's fun
-Open my door to commons area
-two rooms shared commons area. one person per room, so both "roommates" share 1 sink, fridge/microwave, bathroom/shower and cupboards. bathroom is on immediate right of sink
-not a bad deal
-walk up to sink to rinse my mouth of alcohol after-taste
-spit the water out
-spot something in corner of my eye in the bathroom
-only overhead sink light is on and bathroom is dark
-vision is still unclear and required 10 more minutes to fully adjust
-turn my head to get a better look
-see dark spots on floor
-looks like bigger than average-sized chunks of used tobacco chew
-you been in the Army long enough you know that half the people smoke, and a good quarter of soldiers who smoke also chew tobacco
-stood there for 30 seconds
-still trying to make out what it is
-brain has only risen to 90% functionality
-suddenly get an idea of what dark chunks might be
-squint my eyes
-no way
-no, it coudln't be.....
-take one step in bathroom, pushing door further open
-move hand in around door frame and turn on the light
-ohmygodyougottabekiddingme.jpg
-s*** is all over the floor
-everywhere
-my mouth drops beyond limits of jaw's range of motion
-7+ soft piles of feces have been on the cold floor for god knows how long
-I look down
-a chunk had been smeared on the floor underneath the door in the direction I pushed it open
-also notice a pile is 2-3 inches from my foot where I blindly stepped in
-I got lucky. I'm barefoot
- quickly move foot away from the steaming bathroom mine
-poo is by the shower, by the wall and by the door
-none of it in the toilet, where it should be
-none
-porcelain god was not happy with the failed midnight offerings
-I'm confused and in disbelief
-suprised I wasn't giving a failed morning offering right there upon seeing this
-fingers are plugging my nose as if VX nerve agent is in the air
-turn to look at roommate's door
-go over to it and start knocking. can't do it hard
-still in zombie state, but improving.
-disbelief and zombie state give my mind unexplainable state of consciousness
-knocks get harder and harder
-I continue this for 10 minutes
-10 minutes
-despite this still no answer.
-Don't know if roommate is gone or if dude is out cold
-fmw
-I give up
-go back to room, change and leave to go my battle-buddy's room and for breakfast in another building.
-didn't even bother to brush my teeth befoe leaving after what I just experienced
-tell battle-buddy what happened
- starts laughing , then"Oh hell no!! I would be -pounding- on his door!"
-we go to breakfast in the dining faciltiy below his room. meet up with a female friend of ours.
-Also tell her the story
-her mouth drops beyond the limits of her jaw's range of motion
-finish eating breakfast and go back to room few hours later around noon
-see roommate on hands and knees, scrubbing the floor like he's excavating golden diamonds from the tiles for the last 45 minutes
-wish I was there to see the look on his face when he realized what he'd done
-ask what happend
-dude (in his early 20's) has never been drunk before
-friends took him out last night and got him wasted
-came back to his room and used the bathroom
-"tried" to use the bathroom, and missed
-several times
- don't know if he was too drunk to turn on the lights or too drunk to know how
-probably just didn't know how to handle being hammered
-still no excuse for such a lethal misfire, leaving behind a bunch of anus goblns
-in the end it was all cleaned up and safe to set foot in
-the Army sucks sometimes, but at least I have this gem of story remember


Vizzed Elite
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Record holder: Posted from 3 different continents in 24 hours- Sep. 27, 2010


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(edited by Cyro Xero on 05-11-13 12:59 AM)    

05-11-13 06:15 AM
thenumberone is Offline
| ID: 795211 | 16 Words

thenumberone
Level: 143


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I cant believe he was in his 20's and hadnt been drunk before.
lethal army misfire
I cant believe he was in his 20's and hadnt been drunk before.
lethal army misfire
Vizzed Elite
Bleeding Heart Liberal


Affected by 'Laziness Syndrome'

Registered: 03-22-11
Last Post: 3381 days
Last Active: 3381 days

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