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Cyro Xero
05-10-13 11:11 PM
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thenumberone
05-11-13 06:15 AM
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That Arny Life...
05-10-13 11:11 PM
Cyro Xero is Offline
| ID: 795151 | 812 Words
| ID: 795151 | 812 Words
Cyro Xero
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Lately I've been reading the McDisaster stories on funnyjunk (guy giving anecdotes of bad days while working at McDonalds in the past). They are pretty good. Recently I started thinking that I have some good stories to tell during my time in the Army. I decided to write one up today. It's set in a very similar format as the McDisaster stories. So here it is. One of the many stories I have during my time in the service. Bear in mind that this story is 100% real, as are any others I may post. It's a bit of long read
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1. Morning Surprise -Camp Carroll, Korea -Summer 2009 -In barracks on post - Had just woken up. - Went out to local Korean bars with friends right outside post the night before -Still groggy - Went to take my daily morning piss, empty myself of last night's fun -Open my door to commons area -two rooms shared commons area. one person per room, so both "roommates" share 1 sink, fridge/microwave, bathroom/shower and cupboards. bathroom is on immediate right of sink -not a bad deal -walk up to sink to rinse my mouth of alcohol after-taste -spit the water out -spot something in corner of my eye in the bathroom -only overhead sink light is on and bathroom is dark -vision is still unclear and required 10 more minutes to fully adjust -turn my head to get a better look -see dark spots on floor -looks like bigger than average-sized chunks of used tobacco chew -you been in the Army long enough you know that half the people smoke, and a good quarter of soldiers who smoke also chew tobacco -stood there for 30 seconds -still trying to make out what it is -brain has only risen to 90% functionality -suddenly get an idea of what dark chunks might be -squint my eyes -no way -no, it coudln't be..... -take one step in bathroom, pushing door further open -move hand in around door frame and turn on the light -ohmygodyougottabekiddingme.jpg -s*** is all over the floor -everywhere -my mouth drops beyond limits of jaw's range of motion -7+ soft piles of feces have been on the cold floor for god knows how long -I look down -a chunk had been smeared on the floor underneath the door in the direction I pushed it open -also notice a pile is 2-3 inches from my foot where I blindly stepped in -I got lucky. I'm barefoot - quickly move foot away from the steaming bathroom mine -poo is by the shower, by the wall and by the door -none of it in the toilet, where it should be -none -porcelain god was not happy with the failed midnight offerings -I'm confused and in disbelief -suprised I wasn't giving a failed morning offering right there upon seeing this -fingers are plugging my nose as if VX nerve agent is in the air -turn to look at roommate's door -go over to it and start knocking. can't do it hard -still in zombie state, but improving. -disbelief and zombie state give my mind unexplainable state of consciousness -knocks get harder and harder -I continue this for 10 minutes -10 minutes -despite this still no answer. -Don't know if roommate is gone or if dude is out cold -fmw -I give up -go back to room, change and leave to go my battle-buddy's room and for breakfast in another building. -didn't even bother to brush my teeth befoe leaving after what I just experienced -tell battle-buddy what happened - starts laughing , then"Oh hell no!! I would be -pounding- on his door!" -we go to breakfast in the dining faciltiy below his room. meet up with a female friend of ours. -Also tell her the story -her mouth drops beyond the limits of her jaw's range of motion -finish eating breakfast and go back to room few hours later around noon -see roommate on hands and knees, scrubbing the floor like he's excavating golden diamonds from the tiles for the last 45 minutes -wish I was there to see the look on his face when he realized what he'd done -ask what happend -dude (in his early 20's) has never been drunk before -friends took him out last night and got him wasted -came back to his room and used the bathroom -"tried" to use the bathroom, and missed -several times - don't know if he was too drunk to turn on the lights or too drunk to know how -probably just didn't know how to handle being hammered -still no excuse for such a lethal misfire, leaving behind a bunch of anus goblns -in the end it was all cleaned up and safe to set foot in -the Army sucks sometimes, but at least I have this gem of story remember --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1. Morning Surprise -Camp Carroll, Korea -Summer 2009 -In barracks on post - Had just woken up. - Went out to local Korean bars with friends right outside post the night before -Still groggy - Went to take my daily morning piss, empty myself of last night's fun -Open my door to commons area -two rooms shared commons area. one person per room, so both "roommates" share 1 sink, fridge/microwave, bathroom/shower and cupboards. bathroom is on immediate right of sink -not a bad deal -walk up to sink to rinse my mouth of alcohol after-taste -spit the water out -spot something in corner of my eye in the bathroom -only overhead sink light is on and bathroom is dark -vision is still unclear and required 10 more minutes to fully adjust -turn my head to get a better look -see dark spots on floor -looks like bigger than average-sized chunks of used tobacco chew -you been in the Army long enough you know that half the people smoke, and a good quarter of soldiers who smoke also chew tobacco -stood there for 30 seconds -still trying to make out what it is -brain has only risen to 90% functionality -suddenly get an idea of what dark chunks might be -squint my eyes -no way -no, it coudln't be..... -take one step in bathroom, pushing door further open -move hand in around door frame and turn on the light -ohmygodyougottabekiddingme.jpg -s*** is all over the floor -everywhere -my mouth drops beyond limits of jaw's range of motion -7+ soft piles of feces have been on the cold floor for god knows how long -I look down -a chunk had been smeared on the floor underneath the door in the direction I pushed it open -also notice a pile is 2-3 inches from my foot where I blindly stepped in -I got lucky. I'm barefoot - quickly move foot away from the steaming bathroom mine -poo is by the shower, by the wall and by the door -none of it in the toilet, where it should be -none -porcelain god was not happy with the failed midnight offerings -I'm confused and in disbelief -suprised I wasn't giving a failed morning offering right there upon seeing this -fingers are plugging my nose as if VX nerve agent is in the air -turn to look at roommate's door -go over to it and start knocking. can't do it hard -still in zombie state, but improving. -disbelief and zombie state give my mind unexplainable state of consciousness -knocks get harder and harder -I continue this for 10 minutes -10 minutes -despite this still no answer. -Don't know if roommate is gone or if dude is out cold -fmw -I give up -go back to room, change and leave to go my battle-buddy's room and for breakfast in another building. -didn't even bother to brush my teeth befoe leaving after what I just experienced -tell battle-buddy what happened - starts laughing , then"Oh hell no!! I would be -pounding- on his door!" -we go to breakfast in the dining faciltiy below his room. meet up with a female friend of ours. -Also tell her the story -her mouth drops beyond the limits of her jaw's range of motion -finish eating breakfast and go back to room few hours later around noon -see roommate on hands and knees, scrubbing the floor like he's excavating golden diamonds from the tiles for the last 45 minutes -wish I was there to see the look on his face when he realized what he'd done -ask what happend -dude (in his early 20's) has never been drunk before -friends took him out last night and got him wasted -came back to his room and used the bathroom -"tried" to use the bathroom, and missed -several times - don't know if he was too drunk to turn on the lights or too drunk to know how -probably just didn't know how to handle being hammered -still no excuse for such a lethal misfire, leaving behind a bunch of anus goblns -in the end it was all cleaned up and safe to set foot in -the Army sucks sometimes, but at least I have this gem of story remember |
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(edited by Cyro Xero on 05-11-13 12:59 AM)
05-11-13 06:15 AM
thenumberone is Offline
| ID: 795211 | 16 Words
| ID: 795211 | 16 Words
thenumberone
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I cant believe he was in his 20's and hadnt been drunk before.
lethal army misfire lethal army misfire |
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