First of all, I would like to say that it is very hard for me to post what I am feeling.
I thought it is time for me to share what's happening to the real Seishiro Leonhart, the person behind it, the guy named Felipe Rossetto.
Just a quick note: I don't give a **** if you're going to mock me for being stupid or whatever the heck you see here, the way I am feeling now, I would be capable of being caught in a fire and don't complain about the pain I feel with it.
This may be something really particular, but I've decided to expose it all.

It's been happening for a while now, for way too long.
Everyday I lift from bed, it's just the same thing.
I spend the whole day on the computer, only doing basic stuff in my house, sort the breakfast table, clean dishes and sort my bed.
I dream a lot, imagining myself having a great life having all the good things I could wish for.
My mother once told me "You will someday travel all over the world, spreading the word of God", but how I could possibly travel around the world if I can hardly stay away from this screen?
I keep looking at how I live my life, how my life is, and what could be of it in the future.
I want to make something different, get a job do something interesting, but I can do it, probably because of laziness or because of the lack of determination.
When I were younger, I thought many times about committing suicide, there was a time I put a knife on my neck to make it, but something stopped me from making the cut that would end it all.
I wait for things to happen, like some would say I am hoping that "things fall from the sky to me", but not fighting for things that I want to achieve in life.
I tried many times to post a thread here for help, but when I tired to type the message it were too hard for me, either because things got out of my mind, or because it was simply just too hard for me.
Sometimes I think about asking God for help, but I think that I am not deserving to even direct my face toward him, because I probably left God aside too much, so it makes me think that I can't ask him for help because I am too unfair with him.
I don't know if I will win this battle, many negative things come to my mind telling me that I won't win, that I will remain like this for the rest of my life, that I will never achieve better things for me.
I can hardly talk with my parents because I fear they would get angry and scold me, but at least I can talk a little, the problems don't get solved, but at least it makes me feel better for a while.
When they talk to me, tell me what I should do, I keep that in mind for a while, thinking that I am going to do it, but then when I go to sleep, I end forgetting everything, and the same story starts happening again.
I am selfish, I listen (or read) things what others say, be it a bad or good thing, I give a response as if I really cared about that person, but I don't have that feeling that I care about the person.

I better stop here for now, I have no idea how I could type this time, I may not be able to solve all my problems at a time, but if I at least get to solve one problem at a time, that would be a great victory for me.

Singelli :
legacyme3 :
Jordanv78 :
mrfe :
Surgiac :
sonicmcmuffin :
MegaRevolution3: I also want your opinion in this.
play4fun : I know this is not something that involves you, but you have good knowledge about Christianism.
Local Mods : If you see fit to move this thread to somewhere else, feel free to do so, but at least let that people that are Trusted+ read this.

If you guys could spread this with people I would really be thankful.

Hmmm...I don't know if the other Christians on this forum agree with me or not, but I feel that I need to have two different responses to this, one relating to God, and one more of a life response...I especially don't want this thread to somehow turn into a God advice/no God advice mashup/clash. I would suggest to make life advises on this forum and then you make a new thread in the Christian Conservative forum and link this thread to that thread so that some of us can respond in a Christian context there as well. (Again, if anyone disagrees with me, I'm open to just go along with this)

The reason that I am also holding off on a response here is because I just want to understand your situation more clearly. If you are uncomfortable of saying more, that's fine. But what I am wondering is that why do you think that you won't be able to achieve in life? I mean, you are still young. Also, are you just afraid that your parents will scold you, or do you know based on experience that they will scold you? Because if they are understanding parents, they can help you with what you are feeling. We live in a life full of challenges and struggles, and there will be times that we need to persevere and fight through those challenges, but there are also people who do care and are willing to listen and help you through them. Know that you are not alone in this.

If you ever want to talk, about whatever, I'm here for ya man. If you are wanting someone to rely on, choose God. He loves us, even when we screw up. He'll still accept you.

It sounds like you may have some kind of addiction to the computer. If you feel the need to stay on the computer, try online Bible studies (we've got one going on already) or game with friends. Something that involves others, not just yourself. I'm speaking from personal experience, not just throwing out ideas.

I gotta keep this short, been sent to bed, but I wanted to tell you that you're not alone. God's holding out his hand, ready to forgive you. Consider that. I'm here too, and am happy to talk whenever.

My opinion? You should have learned by now that it's a 1, not a 3 in my name, Nya~. :V

Ahem, sorry, for bad joke.

Anyways, all I can say is just try to get away. Do what you can to escape your normal routine, no matter what it is, unless it leaves harmful consequences.

Try getting out and doing things you previously enjoyed doing, and even new things. I remember a long time ago, back when there was a period in your name instead of a space, that you told me of your experience at some area full of anime and game stores. We both have changed since then, whether they be for the better or worse, that's debatable.

Just get away from the screen all day. I know it sounds hypocritical, but trust me, it'll be worth it. Try scheduling trips to new places so you can broaden your horizon a bit. Do whatever you can to gain motivation and self-value.

You say that you're selfish because you reply to people in certain ways. Well, here's a heads-up, so does 85% of the rest of the internet, and that includes people here. It doesn't make you selfish at all. What WOULD be selfish is ignoring them and laughing at them later. Responding in a manner that looks like you care, albeit fake, is just sympathy.

Do what you can to reach your dreams, and don't stop even after they've been met.

"Life isn't as amazing as people make it to be..."

I disagree with this statement only in that life is what you make it. People who have almost nothing in this world make the choice to be happy. And people who have more than they could ever dream to use/spend are miserable and spend all their time trying to accumulate more.

Enjoy life no matter how things go. Life sucks sometimes but a lot of the time life is great. It's more about attitude than circumstance.

I don't really know why you summoned me. I'm usually not too helpful when it comes to helping others. Less so when one of your options (searching yourself through god) goes against my religious beliefs (atheist).

Ill try to help, but my solution focuses on the personal side, and not a spiritual side.

Where you are at life seems similar to my own at your age. I had thoughts of suicide when I was a child and had many people tell me I was going to be great. At something or other.

As I grew older, I grew sonewhat jaded and disillusioned. I know I'll always be nothing and I'll never amount to anything. But that doesn't matter. Because I have something more important than ambition or success. People love me. My parents, my brother, my grandmother, my girlfriend, and numerous other people who have touched my life. Success and that stuff can always come later. It doesn't just happen either. You usually have to work torwards it.

You have to fight to get what you want.

A song comes to mind when it comes to dreams and aspirations. The name and the song itself arent important. Rather this one lyric strikes me.

"Surrender, surrender, but don't give yourself away."

Embrace dreams and aspirations, but don't expect them to just fall out of the sky. Also, while you should surrender yourself to these passions, that doesn't mean you should focus entirely on them and make them your one source of happiness.

Take baby steps to better yourself and improve your outlook on life. Because while a lot of things suck, not everything does. Take happiness where it is readily available. If you keep ignoring these accessible sources, you are only making it harder on yourself.

Get out more, and find new interests. Explore. Not just your area, but you as a person.

Also, don't listen to sonicmcmuffin. I mean, my life isn't altogether either... but telling you life isn't all that great is totally the wrong way to go. Live life as if it is the only one you have. Because, as I believe... it is the only one we have. Doesn't the fact we only get one seem amazing to you? Because it's amazing to me

Hope I was able to provide some help. Hope things get better soon too.

Sorry to hear you're feeling down, but on the bright side, your written English was not bad at all. It's my experience as well that only interacting with screens and being on the computer all day can lead to a sense of no accomplishment and some depression. Based on what you've said, I'd say one of the best things you can do is to be more active. Working out, playing sports, or even board games with friends can make a day seem so much brighter. Talk to your friends; make new friends. There's always someone to talk to that cares. A friend of mine recently made a video to reach out to people who need someone or are feeling a bit depressed.

Check it out at https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=iQY5_ckaTcU

I also agree with what others have said, especially Leggy. I always feel better around people. Life IS worth living, and PEOPLE make it that way. Hope everything works out for you.

Superbowl is a game where people spend a year trying to achieve success and happiness by winning the big one, most fail and only one team succeeds. But guess what? Once its all said and done and their happiness is achieved they are now back at ground zero, the same spot as all the other teams once again spending another year trying to achieve what they once had while others are chasing what they never had.

Whether you won the lotto, get married or decided to drink the night away one thing remains the same. Happiness is temporary and it certainly does not last forever. People spend their entire life looking for it and never find it because they don't press the pause button and appreciate themselves nor what they have at this very moment.

You have a family, a roof over your head, food, internet and friends here on vizzed who care for you. You are set and don't even know it. Being in front of a computer all day is not a disadvantage, its an advantage.

"My mother once told me you will someday travel all over the world, spreading the word of God but how I could possibly travel around the world if I can hardly stay away from this screen?"

You just answered your own question. You can spread the word of god through your own computer. The bible has many quotes and its often misinterpreted, that is where you are at in life right now. You are misinterpreting things in life.

Happiness is holy grail to life but I warn you. Don't go looking for happiness in other things unless you find it in yourself first. If you ignore that, then one day you will find happiness and won't even realize it till its too late, kinda like right here and now. It's hard to see, but its there you just have to train your mind to the point where you can see it.

Honestly the most important thing right now is for you to change your "routine"

Sure life is difficult, and it RARELY works out as you had planned. I know that mine hasn't, and I'm sure most people would say the same thing.

I've been there before, life can be a bummer. It's easy to get down on yourself thinking that you have bad luck and only bad things happen to you...which might be true, but things can't change unless you force them to change. Start getting out there and doing different things. Go out and enjoy the world. Life is too short to sit there and be miserable if things are making you that way, then eliminate those things from your life.

What other people think doesn't really matter...what matters is what YOU THINK about your life.

Seishiro, I agree very much with what mrfe said and I was thinking it before I read his post:  You may very well have an addiction.  (And I was going to invite you to our studies.  Even if you don't want to read the bible and talk about it.... that communication and interacting  little more personally with others may be key for you.)  Addictions are very powerful things, and I've been addicted to things before.  I could hardly live without my addictions, and I didn't want to do anything different than what I was doing.  At the same time, I was absolutely miserable, and I couldn't figure out why.

Well, at some point, God kind of slapped some sense into me, and I decided (as much as I loathed the idea) that I would get out and do something.  Guess what happened?  I'd feel miserable at the idea of going.... I'd dislike the idea with every fiber of my being.  But I MADE myself go anyways, and discovered something amazing:  I enjoyed every little traipse out into the real world. I really, thoroughly enjoyed myself.  Did this make the next trip easier?  To be honest,it only made each successive trip slightly easier.  More than a year later, I STILL feel a bit down about breaking away from certain things.  But there also has not bee a time in which I did not enjoy it.

That's part of the issue: fixing what you are going through is time-consuming. If you choose to take my advice, and the advice above, you're going to need to find some strength and patience.  It's been over a year for me, and I still struggle with it.  However, I keep in my mind that desire to improve my being and my situation.  It helps me press forward.  I want to be the best person I can be, and that starts with me and God.

I too feel like I'm a very selfish person.  It's the thing I probably hate most about myself.  It's like an affliction I want to rip away... like those people who can't stand any bit of hair and pluck it from their bodies no matter where it grows.  It's a feeling I struggle with even though everyone in the world tells me I'm the least selfish person I know.  I've never had the talent of comforting others.  When others tell me about their problems, I don't know what to say and I don't know what advice to offer.  I don't always feel particularly sympathetic to their woes, and I've come to accept that it's not selfishness; it's simply an inability to comfort.  I can listen, but I don't usually know what to say.

And then, of course, God is always, ALWAYS by your side.  I grew up struggling with this idea.  I felt myself to be such a bad person that I would lie awake at nights, crying and thinking that there was no possible way Christ could ever forgive me. There was no -possible- way I could deserve His mercy and love and kindness. Well, Seishiro, we don't deserve it.  We will never, ever be able to deserve it.  But you know what?  God is great enough.... God is SO great, that He loves us and forgives us despite the fact that we could never deserve it.  That fact alone makes me cry in happiness and appreciation sometimes.... that God loves us THAT much.  Despite what we may go through... Despite what me might have done... He's always waiting with a hand extended to us.

Reading my bible often brings me comfort.  As strange as it sounds, when I pick up His Word and see examples of His mercy, or examples of Christ's miracles and love.... it comforts me.  Man should never be able to take away our joy, and it's something we tend to forget because we are flesh and easily affected by the world of flesh around us.  We succumb easily to the pain and turmoil that surrounds us, and we forget that God is above all of that.  Angels sing His praises, and there will be a day that all bow before Him.... and yet we forget that He is ultimately the one who can change our lives.

I'm not going to preach to you because I don't know what is going on in your life.  I know I've been where you're at, and I know it was God that pulled me through.  Perhaps you should consider rededicating your life to Him.  Draw closer to Him, and He will comfort you.  Like play4fun, I don't want people to turn this into a thread of debate because they disagree.  That would be utterly disrespectful of the intentions you posted with.  However, if you ever want to discuss things further, you should know I'm here, and more than willing.

We'll pray hard for you in our bible studies, and I hope that you will see me as a friend and feel comfortable pm'ing me if you need it.

God bless.

play4fun : I will do what you asked, I will create a new thread at the Christian forum and link this thread to that thread.
About scolding, I were just afraid of being scolded as of yesterday, my parents are very understanding I go and talk with them and they try to talk with me, when my father talk with me when calm and controlled, he talks to me in a very friendly and fun way, just when he is "mad" that he sometimes is not really helpful, but most of the time my parents are really nice to talk to.
About the things I want to achieve, I would like that everything that I start doing, I don't stop on the middle of the path, be a project, the kind of school you pay to learn be it about informatics or anything else I plan on doing that requires effort, and also, be able to get a good job to get many things that I find interesting, either around where I live, or things I find on the Internet.

mrfe : I remember that I watched a movie called Fireproof (Á prova de Fogo in Portuguese BR) and it was mentioned that even if you leave God aside, spit on his face, he will always be there waiting for you to go and accept him, why would it be different with me? I thought like that because I like things to be fair, and I thought it was too unfair to go at him.
Thanks for your support, I really appreciate it, I will certainly join the bible studies, despite me not understanding the English bible very well =P
But I will try to be active and actually be useful at it, joining it will be great.

MegaRevolution1 : MegaRevolution1 Don't worry about the joke, it made me laugh so it's not bad
You still remember when I had a period in my username instead of a space... you have no idea of how happy you made me feel with this comment.
Anyways, like you said, anything that can change my routine but not something that is harmful to either myself or others correct? I can try to start by visiting places that I didn't visit before, can I do that?
It's great to know that I were not selfish.

geeogree : You're right, I should be happy with what I got with me, I can try to get more things to me, but not become obsessed (don't know how to type that), I am happy with what I got right now, but I've been wanting to get more, thank you for telling me this.
I've read many times that people have to live life the fullest, as if this were the last day of their lives.

legacyme3 : I didn't think that you were an atheist when I summoned you here, but I summoned you here because I knew you would be able to help me, and you had similar problems as mine "Then I realised that I were just a teen with teen problems".
I were not hoping for a spiritual help, but actually on the personal side.
I remember you telling me once at your Ask Anything thread that you once thought about committing suicide, but then you realised that you were just a teen with teen problems (probably my English sucked now, but whatever, as long you can understand what I mean).
I should be happy with what I got right now? My parents and friends? That totally makes sense.
Thank you for talking with me now, you wondered if you where of some help, and you really were.

danielbelitch : Thank you for your compliment, you see, the English I got now, I completely learned on my own, I didn't needed to pay to learn English, during all those years that I stayed at home only playing video games, I were slowly learning English, when I think about it, I have no idea how I actually learned the English, I first remember that I were learning word by word, my sentences in English that I typed when younger were terrible, I still make some grammar mistakes, but my English now it MUCH better than before, and I will keep improving; You are right about having the feeling of no completion and a bit of depression, recently, I had a sudden power out on my house, I stayed for over 3 hours without power, me and my father (almost always my father) were complaining that we didn't have power, but then I thought of something, since we don't have power at home and we don't have much to do that don't involve electricity, why don't we play a game that takes a long time to finish? We won't do anything anyway, and then I took an old monopoly board game I had a long time ago and we played for quite a good while, even after we finished playing (with me going bankrupt T.T) the power were still out, but with that, I had a great feeling of completion since it were a REALLY long time since we last played this game, with the same ol' excuse that the game takes too long to finish; There really are people who cares, I just must not be afraid to approach someone to try to befriend that person, right? And I will certainly check out that video after I finish typing this long text.

JigSaw : When I first looked at your SuperBowl comment, I first thought, what could he mean about that? But as I kept reading I could understand what you meant.
And as I can get from your comment, I shouldn't feel bad that I don't get things that I want to get, but I should enjoy what I have with me right now.
I remember in some MMO games around the web, I saw many people that had depression problems (one BIG example of site is Gaia Online), and I tried to help them out of the problems.

Jordanv78 : I understand what you mean Jordan, once again thanks for your support.

Singelli : I probably really do have an addiction, and like I said to mrfe I will join the bible studies.
But I also understood everything you told me.

Everyone - I will admit than before I were thinking that I were just a random user around the board, but it's great to know that I have a really big groups of friends here, it means a lot to me, I could never be so thankful for all of you staying by my side... My father told me many times people wouldn't ALWAYS be close to me, since people have their personal problems and won't always be smiling, but it is great to know that you have people by your side when you need... I could never thank everybody here for the big support you all are giving.

Side Note - I took quite a few hours to type all of this, sometimes I thought about posting with the people I already had replied but I thought, "No I won't stop, I will reply to all of them", and then I decided to take a small break then I returned to continue typing, if I can't type everything at once, I'll take a little break, play baseball on my TV then I return here to continue.
Many grammar mistakes. T.T

Joke Note - Damn "taht"! (Every time I typed "that")

Seishiro Leonhart : I really enjoyed Fireproof, it's a great story about the ups and downs of marriage and overcoming problems. Honestly, in my opinion, if God was being fair we'd all be in hell already. We've only betrayed His love, we don't deserve to know Him personally. That's the miracle of Salvation, God sent Jesus to die for our sins, no matter what they may be. I'm so excited that you'll be joining the Bible study, more info on it in this thread. XD

I'm so glad the advice of your vizzed friends has seemed to speak to you.  You don't have to worry so much about your English.... you speak very well and we're easy going people.  We don't use big crazy words or concepts, and we're always willing to stop and slow down if we go to fast.  (Haven't had that complaint yet though!)  I am also personally thrilled that you will be joining us.  More importantly, I hope it will help.  Whether it's the bible study or simply knowing that your online friends care about you, I hope that you are able to move forward in this.

God bless, and if you need me, still feel free to pm me!

play4fun :
mrfe :
MegaRevolution1 :
geeogree :
legacyme3 :
danielbelitch :
JigSaw :
Jordanv78 :
Singelli :
Light Knight :
bombchu link :

I would like to thank all of you for your Huge support.
Today I went out to go to my school to try to find out which class I ended up and with who I will be, but they didn't let me get inside to look at the papers, and they complained that I didn't go to school since the 1st of this month, AS IF someone would go to school at Friday on that school, there no way I will go to school so soon because they want me to be there soon.
ANYWAY, let's go to the good news, the trip I made was great, I were a nice person to everyone around me (even if I never met the person), made a few jokes, and listened to something that I mentioned on this thread.
I were on the bus, going to the station to take the bus to go to my house, I met there a student, in a good manner I asked "What time is it please?" He told the time it were, I told him who I were, my first name to be exact, then we reached the station, doing another good action, I let a old man "cut the line" to drop from the bus, then I noticed through the window, that the student I asked the time, were stationary a few meters from where I were on the bus, as I dropped the bus the guy approached me and asked me "What was your name again?" I told him my name again then he said this "Jesus loves you", and what is better, is the fact that he could have just walked away to where he was going, but he waited for me to come to tell me that.

This my great friends are just a part of what happened today when I were out talking a walk it was totally worth it, if yesterday I were on the deepest darkness, today I make people eyes hurt with the light radiating me (not literally).

Seishiro Leonhart : that made my day thanks Leonhart.

Seishiro Leonhart :  That literally just made me shed a few tears.  If that isn't God reaching out to you, I don't know what is.  We did pray for you this morning, and prayed that God would make evident His hand which He holds out for you.

That's an awesome little story, and thank you for sharing it.  ^.^
I hope  you continue to feel uplifted.  We all have bad points in our lives, and interacting with others is key.  Never shut yourself off from those who care about you!

God bless, Seishiro.

God sent the student to you to help remind you that He loves you. He loves us & will never leave us no matter what we do. I'm glad He'll never give up on me & I know He'll never give up on you either. We're all here to talk to if you need anyone else.

You rock man.

Now remember, after a great high like this, it's not uncommon to get bummed out again in a few days, keep it up man, I know you can gradually make it into a permanent great life!

Today was the a great first day of your NEW life.

play4fun :
mrfe :
MegaRevolution1 :
geeogree :
legacyme3 :
danielbelitch :
JigSaw :
Jordanv78 :
Singelli :
Light Knight :
bombchu link :

First, I would like to once again thank you for those who prayed for me, it shed some tears when I read that you all prayed for me and asked God to send me a signal.
This makes me realise, there is no language difference that can separate people who have faith in Christ.
As a new beginning, I realised that I don't have to do everything on my own, start projects and do it all on my own, until to day, I NEVER seen someone who had sucess in life without support form friends.
With this I would like to share with all of you my plans on projects.

First, I would like to do something REALLY special to Vizzed, and I already got the idea of what to do, but I can't tell yet because I would like that to be a HUGE surprise! I will CERTAINLY need a lot of people to help me out with this, I PROMISE this will be something worth our time and when we finish this secret project, it will something that we will remember for the rest of our lives! REALLY! I WANT TO DO IT, but I can't do it on my own, can I count with the help from you guys one more time?