I totally understand your situation and I'm happy that you have reconciled with your friend.  I think in your situation, I would have acted the same. When it comes to situations where something is stolen, it really angers me because material things are just not worth it. Its really sad since you never expected that sort of behavior from someone who is that close to you.

I've always been scolded by my mother to not give so much kindness or trust to everyone but it's very difficult for me to not do so haha. I've learned now, to not completely trust everyone and to only give my full trust and love to certain friends. Overall, I still am very friendly and giving to a lot of people that probably don't consider me so closely, but I just can't help it. Giving my friendship to many is what makes me happy.

My situation with my friend starts like this, we were just the famous duet in high school, pretty much like sisters and had this special friendship were we connected so well in everything. Problems started arising when she was hanging out with this guy and it was becoming a habit to bail on us in order to meet up with him. The final straw was at our graduation night at a theme park. We had promised each other since the beginning of high school that we would all enjoy that special moment together. She bailed out on our close group of friends, to hang out with other classmates that night.

The next day, I let her know how angry I was with the whole situation and told her that I wasn't going to speak about the situation anymore, it was basically over. I thought about reconciling a bit after but I was still hurt by the whole situation and It got worse once I found out that other people were telling her things about me that weren't true. Some of these things being that I was talking negatively about her. That sincerely hurt me because she, out of all people, should know that I am not that kind of person. It really angers me when someone sees me as something that I am not. I try my best to completely show who I am. Graduation happened and I remember awkwardly bumping into her and she seemed like she wanted to say something, but nothing was said.

I remember feeling like half of my happy high school memories and moments were lost because they were all shared closely with her. Several months after graduation, I got an email from her where she apologized for what had happened, for all the things that were said and mostly for not realizing how mistaken she was for doubting our friendship. She told me how she really hoped we could reconcile because she felt that a part of her was missing as well and that she really couldn't see her life without me being part of the picture. I decide to reconcile with her but at the same time, I felt that I wanted to be a bit more distant than before.

There have been a few bumpy moments after this. She has bailed on me a couple of times in other situations, like concerts or events that mean a lot to the group. This has happened mostly because she hangs out with people that aren't a very good influence on her. In the end, she realizes her mistakes, cuts off ties with them and tries to be a better friend with us. Despite all that, she is someone I really appreciate as family, she has always been helpful and supportive in my lowest moments and situations and I do feel that she cares a lot. We meet up almost once a month but even though we spend some time away, we are always able to come back to were we left off.

There have been other cases where I've lost complete trust of people because it seems that they will do whatever works in their benefit, even if it means hurting me. Those type of people, I usually completely break ties with. I never forget their friendships from the past and the great times we had together but I just don't wish to have those type of toxic people in my life.

slayerizedcarol : Well when I really reflect on the situation I think that I had a really normal reaction to what went on. Although there were those both in my family and those who were friends that both he and I had known for many years (all of us went to school together) telling me that I was being cold by acting the way I did; I really think I had a reaction that anyone with a level head would have had.

What didn’t help too much in regard to the anger that I was feeling at the time was I was sick at the time. I had been sick for a couple of months at the time with what amounted to high blood pressure. He knew that I wasn’t feeling well at the time and I had asked him to do me a favor because I ran into a problem that I needed to take care of in a short period of time so I could make deadline for an article that I was writing for a magazine (I’m a writer.)

Although he did what I had asked him to do we had gotten into an argument earlier that day over my reluctance to trust him with the task of getting the piece of equipment I needed and such. During this argument he looked me in the eye and said that I should know to trust him after all these years that he and I had been close and such. We hugged and that was the end of the argument.

The fact that he had said that to me only to do with he did only made me angrier about things and contributed to my refusal to talk to him for a long time. I am not saying that the way I handled the situation was necessarily the right way of handling it but I do believe that my reaction was normal. Especially after I was made aware that he had stolen the money from me while he was getting me what I needed shortly after the argument.
I don’t really know what was going through his mind at the time. I do hope that he’s wiser now of days than he was back then. I know that I have learned from the mistakes that I have made in life and I hope that it has made me a better person. Hopefully he has become a better person after going through the things he has in the years that we weren’t speaking. For his sake I hope he has.

In regard to your situation I do know what it feels like to be part of a close group of friends and to make promises to each other and then things changed, promises are broken and ending up breaking friendships and such. I never graduated high school but I had a lot of people that I was close to during that period of time in my life. Although I will be the first one to admit my mistakes and things that looking back many years later that I would do differently, I felt like I was pushed aside by a couple of friends when we entered high school and once I dropped out I would hear things too of people talking behind my back and or, saying things that were utter nonsense and such. It also made me feel like people forgot that I existed after I left school.

It has basically made me a reclusive person. Although I am not bitter about what I went through and am civil with whomever I come across from back then, I don’t really reach out to too many people and try as best as I can to keep to myself. One reason why I don’t really reach out is simply because I don’t know who I’m on good terms with due to whatever was said but also, a lot of things have happened over the years and it kind of feels like I have gotten through all of this on my own without these people in my life, what good would it do to rehash things from so long ago, what would be the benefit not only to me but to anyone else? Etc.

In regard to my friend as I said I realized that I wouldn’t want someone to hold anything against me or have any bad feelings toward me and that made it easier to get passed my anger in the situation.

In your situation it sounds like your friend may have been going through what I think a lot of my friends went through which could explain why I was treated the way I was. Peer pressure is something that I feel is a cancer because people try to “Fit in” or “Be cool” with the “In” crowd and that doesn’t promote rational thinking. It doesn’t excuse what goes on but as you get older you gradually understand things a little better about why people acted a certain way.

I think as most people get older they realize that being “Cool” becomes less and less important and that the things that really matter in life become the primary focus for most people. It is important to be open to reconciling with people but at the same time it should not mean that you should allow yourself to be taken advantage of or, used only when someone needs something.

As years have gone on even though I try to be a nice person to whomever I come across and are willing to help anyone who may need it, I have become somewhat strict at the same time because I hold myself to a standard and hold friends to the same. Basically what I mean by holding myself to a standard is I set a standard for myself and don’t drop below that standard for no one. It more or less means I’m a friend and I’m accessible to anyone but I have no need or use for any drama or nonsense and don’t have time for people who won’t be on the up and up with me.

It probably sounds a bit cold and harsh to some people but for me it works. To be honest I wish I had that kind of thinking many years ago when I was still in school because it would have saved me so much grief and I probably wouldn’t have made the mistakes that I made. I do hope that eventually that any fences that need to be mended from friendships in my past will be mended but I leave it all in god’s hands. I’m willing to listen though to whomever reaches out to me.