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Have any proven coping mechanisms?

 

11-02-12 02:53 AM
Sameel is Offline
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Willing to release some advice about how to deal with relationships in a POSITIVE way? Stating the obvious won't help anyone. Like hanging out with friends or breathing air etc.. unless breathing is really a thing you do to make a break-up more bearable ha. I have tried improving my self image and self esteem and that seems only to go so far. Also I get wrapped up in becoming healthy and having good hygiene that it sort of pushes the thoughts of her out of my head and not really deals with it in a good way. It seems like a good way but I can't really put it in words. It's like I am swapping her for myself and I don't want that. I want to be able to not even give her a thought in my head. To be able to move on and basically stop wallowing in self-pity.
Willing to release some advice about how to deal with relationships in a POSITIVE way? Stating the obvious won't help anyone. Like hanging out with friends or breathing air etc.. unless breathing is really a thing you do to make a break-up more bearable ha. I have tried improving my self image and self esteem and that seems only to go so far. Also I get wrapped up in becoming healthy and having good hygiene that it sort of pushes the thoughts of her out of my head and not really deals with it in a good way. It seems like a good way but I can't really put it in words. It's like I am swapping her for myself and I don't want that. I want to be able to not even give her a thought in my head. To be able to move on and basically stop wallowing in self-pity.
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(edited by Sameel on 11-02-12 02:57 AM)    

11-02-12 11:03 AM
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To completely forget is impossible, but you can at least lessen the pain you're feeling. That's through letting time heal you. And always try to live your life healthily even if you're emotionally in pain. I've experienced lots of relationship issues with my friends and even family and I just let time pass by and feel the pain until it gets milder and milder until I'm able to just laugh it off and move on. I don't do drugs, I don't drink and I don't cut, but I've survived. Don't try to hide away from your feelings, you have to FEEL it. Because the more you hide, the more it gets intense inside you.
To completely forget is impossible, but you can at least lessen the pain you're feeling. That's through letting time heal you. And always try to live your life healthily even if you're emotionally in pain. I've experienced lots of relationship issues with my friends and even family and I just let time pass by and feel the pain until it gets milder and milder until I'm able to just laugh it off and move on. I don't do drugs, I don't drink and I don't cut, but I've survived. Don't try to hide away from your feelings, you have to FEEL it. Because the more you hide, the more it gets intense inside you.
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(edited by Juliet on 11-02-12 11:05 AM)    

11-02-12 06:09 PM
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That's something I really don't like hearing but has been told to me by many sources so it's probably true. Letting time do its work on me is very frustrating I look at the clock like some middle school youngster waiting for lunch break that never comes! I don't think I will ever be able to laugh about this situation, maybe some relations in the past..  Anyways, I never have said I love you but she did and I was at the point were I was ready to commit and concrete our relationship by telling her that I truly did love her. Then one thing led to another and she slowly grew apart from me but I still had love for her. It is one of the most painful feelings knowing that you love someone but you can't do anything except say I'm here for you and keep the door open. I have done drugs, I have drank ,but that's in the past, I am very surprised I haven't gone back but by having a relationship with the church and people who love me makes it at least bearable. But thank you really, hiding does not solve anything might as well be a man and deal with it. It takes somebody else to tell me in a indirect way to man up sometimes and it seems like you did just that.
That's something I really don't like hearing but has been told to me by many sources so it's probably true. Letting time do its work on me is very frustrating I look at the clock like some middle school youngster waiting for lunch break that never comes! I don't think I will ever be able to laugh about this situation, maybe some relations in the past..  Anyways, I never have said I love you but she did and I was at the point were I was ready to commit and concrete our relationship by telling her that I truly did love her. Then one thing led to another and she slowly grew apart from me but I still had love for her. It is one of the most painful feelings knowing that you love someone but you can't do anything except say I'm here for you and keep the door open. I have done drugs, I have drank ,but that's in the past, I am very surprised I haven't gone back but by having a relationship with the church and people who love me makes it at least bearable. But thank you really, hiding does not solve anything might as well be a man and deal with it. It takes somebody else to tell me in a indirect way to man up sometimes and it seems like you did just that.
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11-02-12 07:42 PM
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It depends on what happened that ended the relationship.  You should grieve, appreciate the relationship for what it was, decide what you learned about yourself, and take the time to heal.

There's never a rush about relationships.  You grew and she grew and you may have grown apart.  Either way, you're different now and you can go on and do other things.

Good luck!
It depends on what happened that ended the relationship.  You should grieve, appreciate the relationship for what it was, decide what you learned about yourself, and take the time to heal.

There's never a rush about relationships.  You grew and she grew and you may have grown apart.  Either way, you're different now and you can go on and do other things.

Good luck!
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11-02-12 08:00 PM
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Just put it out of your mind and try to find a more healthy alternative. What IS important is that you accept that your having a hard time with the breakup and know that you need help getting over it. The fact that your feeling bad about the breakup validates that you truely loved her at one point in time.

The is no universal cure to how too get over a relationship. Some people take up drinking, some people do drugs, some start having one-night stands, and I could go on, but you get the drift. I myself whenever I feel bad about a past breakup, I go Golfing as its all about clearly your mind of any distractions or else your not going to hit the ball the way you want it. It also releaves some anger since you WILL become frustrated when the ball doesn't go the way you want it too; but your getting rid of the anger in a healthy way rather then redirecting it at someone.
 
Now this is just my way of getting over a tough breakup, but my solution isn't what is best for you. Finding something to do (something healthy I should add) will make time fly fast; which of course goes along with the old quote...

"Time heals all wounds"

Good luck my good sir and hope you find a healthy solution to the problem.
Just put it out of your mind and try to find a more healthy alternative. What IS important is that you accept that your having a hard time with the breakup and know that you need help getting over it. The fact that your feeling bad about the breakup validates that you truely loved her at one point in time.

The is no universal cure to how too get over a relationship. Some people take up drinking, some people do drugs, some start having one-night stands, and I could go on, but you get the drift. I myself whenever I feel bad about a past breakup, I go Golfing as its all about clearly your mind of any distractions or else your not going to hit the ball the way you want it. It also releaves some anger since you WILL become frustrated when the ball doesn't go the way you want it too; but your getting rid of the anger in a healthy way rather then redirecting it at someone.
 
Now this is just my way of getting over a tough breakup, but my solution isn't what is best for you. Finding something to do (something healthy I should add) will make time fly fast; which of course goes along with the old quote...

"Time heals all wounds"

Good luck my good sir and hope you find a healthy solution to the problem.
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11-02-12 10:16 PM
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After staring at the title of my thread for more than a few minutes I sort of had a epiphany. That there isn't a cure except occupying my mind until I get over it and tell myself that I'm worth something. I have found healthy alternatives to substance abuse. It's just hard and I think about heroine and amphetamines every day but I have been clean for 70+ days and I'm loving every minute of a sober life. I'm honestly done with drugs and I'm done with women until I can find one that doesn't have a bottom line for the relationship or just wants me for my body and not my personality . Your outlet for golf is a very good metaphor or analogy whatever it is. " I go Golfing as its all about clearing your mind of any distractions or else your not going to hit the ball the way you want it. You WILL become frustrated when the ball doesn't go the way you want it too" Thank you for the advice all of you, hope this can help other people. I already feel better, probably from just talking. If anyone else is going through something like this,  it will get better eventually I'm not going to say give it more time but even if it isn't getting better it will get better eventually. You can always pull yourself out of a hole that you dug no matter how deep. Also be sure to tell yourself that your worth something and that he/she that broke up with you is missing out on something great.
After staring at the title of my thread for more than a few minutes I sort of had a epiphany. That there isn't a cure except occupying my mind until I get over it and tell myself that I'm worth something. I have found healthy alternatives to substance abuse. It's just hard and I think about heroine and amphetamines every day but I have been clean for 70+ days and I'm loving every minute of a sober life. I'm honestly done with drugs and I'm done with women until I can find one that doesn't have a bottom line for the relationship or just wants me for my body and not my personality . Your outlet for golf is a very good metaphor or analogy whatever it is. " I go Golfing as its all about clearing your mind of any distractions or else your not going to hit the ball the way you want it. You WILL become frustrated when the ball doesn't go the way you want it too" Thank you for the advice all of you, hope this can help other people. I already feel better, probably from just talking. If anyone else is going through something like this,  it will get better eventually I'm not going to say give it more time but even if it isn't getting better it will get better eventually. You can always pull yourself out of a hole that you dug no matter how deep. Also be sure to tell yourself that your worth something and that he/she that broke up with you is missing out on something great.
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11-04-12 02:42 AM
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Sameel : Well I guess this is a subject that I am very familiar with. I have been through more than my share of stressful situations and have myself found it difficult at times to cope with everything. I have at times handled things in good ways but I have also at times handled things in some not so good ways which lead to more problems overall.

As I have gotten older one of the primary things that I do to cope with everything that life may throw at me is to use the gift that I believe god gave me and that’s to write. Writing definitely helps and as I’ve said many times it can be quite therapeutic. It doesn’t matter what the subject is, it could be as simple as keeping a journal of your thoughts as a means of simply venting your frustrations, worries, fears, and concerns.

Although things have been rough for me over the years one thing that I also do to try and minimize the stress of everything is to remind myself that things could be worse and that no matter how bad things may be or, things may get, there is always someone out there who is experiencing worse circumstances,

Either way it isn’t a fun thing to deal with stress especially if you have to deal with stress on what seems like a daily basis. One thing I wish I relied on more during a period of my life when I wasn’t making the best decisions was my writing. Once I came to realize that my ability to write was not a fluke and was a gift it started making me a better person because I was able to straighten myself out and, when stressful situations would arise I would often times (and still do) throw myself into my work. It does make things easier to deal with. I know that I wouldn’t wish some of the stuff that I have been through on my worst enemy.

Best of luck to you.


Sameel : Well I guess this is a subject that I am very familiar with. I have been through more than my share of stressful situations and have myself found it difficult at times to cope with everything. I have at times handled things in good ways but I have also at times handled things in some not so good ways which lead to more problems overall.

As I have gotten older one of the primary things that I do to cope with everything that life may throw at me is to use the gift that I believe god gave me and that’s to write. Writing definitely helps and as I’ve said many times it can be quite therapeutic. It doesn’t matter what the subject is, it could be as simple as keeping a journal of your thoughts as a means of simply venting your frustrations, worries, fears, and concerns.

Although things have been rough for me over the years one thing that I also do to try and minimize the stress of everything is to remind myself that things could be worse and that no matter how bad things may be or, things may get, there is always someone out there who is experiencing worse circumstances,

Either way it isn’t a fun thing to deal with stress especially if you have to deal with stress on what seems like a daily basis. One thing I wish I relied on more during a period of my life when I wasn’t making the best decisions was my writing. Once I came to realize that my ability to write was not a fluke and was a gift it started making me a better person because I was able to straighten myself out and, when stressful situations would arise I would often times (and still do) throw myself into my work. It does make things easier to deal with. I know that I wouldn’t wish some of the stuff that I have been through on my worst enemy.

Best of luck to you.


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11-04-12 09:09 PM
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bvd1022: I haven't figured out the perfect thing but talking about it almost the same as writing seems to help me a lot. People on here and people that I'm talking to in person pretty much tell me the same things. Get over it, find things to free your mind etc.. None of it is truly effective but I will take  your opinion on how to deal with stress, bad feelings or whatever and try to write about it. I know everyone is not the same. But maybe it can be just as effective as it is for you. Thanks for the advice, really I'm not just being polite. Writing on forums makes me feel better so I don't see why not writing in a journal or something along those lines couldn't help either.  
   I'm going to start as of tonight after I'm done watching district 9 [ Which is a very cool, unique and interesting movie ha ha ] and maybe at first I will scoff at it or just try and slack it off but I will do my best every day. If it's a good day, or a bad day! if it was uneventful, or action packed I'll be sure to at least put a paragraph in the journal. I'll get one of those cool little spiral handbooks that people usually write poems and stuff in.


I just want to make it clear that these people commenting on here are helping but I didn't intend this to me a poor me, self pity thread I wanted it for everyone. So maybe one persons mechanism could help another, but it slowly seemed to be all about myself and how much of a whiner I am.  Sorry and it won't happen again.
bvd1022: I haven't figured out the perfect thing but talking about it almost the same as writing seems to help me a lot. People on here and people that I'm talking to in person pretty much tell me the same things. Get over it, find things to free your mind etc.. None of it is truly effective but I will take  your opinion on how to deal with stress, bad feelings or whatever and try to write about it. I know everyone is not the same. But maybe it can be just as effective as it is for you. Thanks for the advice, really I'm not just being polite. Writing on forums makes me feel better so I don't see why not writing in a journal or something along those lines couldn't help either.  
   I'm going to start as of tonight after I'm done watching district 9 [ Which is a very cool, unique and interesting movie ha ha ] and maybe at first I will scoff at it or just try and slack it off but I will do my best every day. If it's a good day, or a bad day! if it was uneventful, or action packed I'll be sure to at least put a paragraph in the journal. I'll get one of those cool little spiral handbooks that people usually write poems and stuff in.


I just want to make it clear that these people commenting on here are helping but I didn't intend this to me a poor me, self pity thread I wanted it for everyone. So maybe one persons mechanism could help another, but it slowly seemed to be all about myself and how much of a whiner I am.  Sorry and it won't happen again.
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11-05-12 12:34 AM
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Sameel : You’re welcome… I know what it feels like to have people tell you to get over it when things are rough or when you go through certain things. It isn’t the easiest thing in the world sometimes especially when you go through things that have lasting effects. I have been through some things and have had people say things to me that even many years later I still think about.

Believe me it’s normal… In my case when I had people tell me that I wouldn’t amount to anything (That’s the PG version of what was actually said) after I dropped out of school I basically used it as motivation to prove them wrong. I won’t lie to you I’ve been a struggling writer for years and have found it difficult just to be paid, let alone make a decent living. Despite that I’ve made something of myself and for the most part I have proven my point to those people who said I wouldn’t amount to anything.

It isn’t easy for those who simply say things like “Get over it…” to understand sometimes but it isn’t always that easy. It takes time and by that I mean both time in how you cope with things and actual time to let things subside. It does get easier with time but depending on what you’ve been through in life I don’t know if you can say that you ever really forget about things. As far as me I have said here on Vizzed many times how I don’t consider what I’ve been through something that I enjoyed or something that I necessarily look back on fondly but I do think that I would not be the person I am today had it not been for what I’ve been through in life. It’s is those struggles, setbacks and things that you go through that although often times not pleasant and enjoyable, help mature and shape you as a person in the long run if you let it

It may not seem like it right now but it will get easier in time. I’m glad my advice could be of help to you. If you ever want advice or just someone to listen feel free to PM me.

Best of luck to you.
Sameel : You’re welcome… I know what it feels like to have people tell you to get over it when things are rough or when you go through certain things. It isn’t the easiest thing in the world sometimes especially when you go through things that have lasting effects. I have been through some things and have had people say things to me that even many years later I still think about.

Believe me it’s normal… In my case when I had people tell me that I wouldn’t amount to anything (That’s the PG version of what was actually said) after I dropped out of school I basically used it as motivation to prove them wrong. I won’t lie to you I’ve been a struggling writer for years and have found it difficult just to be paid, let alone make a decent living. Despite that I’ve made something of myself and for the most part I have proven my point to those people who said I wouldn’t amount to anything.

It isn’t easy for those who simply say things like “Get over it…” to understand sometimes but it isn’t always that easy. It takes time and by that I mean both time in how you cope with things and actual time to let things subside. It does get easier with time but depending on what you’ve been through in life I don’t know if you can say that you ever really forget about things. As far as me I have said here on Vizzed many times how I don’t consider what I’ve been through something that I enjoyed or something that I necessarily look back on fondly but I do think that I would not be the person I am today had it not been for what I’ve been through in life. It’s is those struggles, setbacks and things that you go through that although often times not pleasant and enjoyable, help mature and shape you as a person in the long run if you let it

It may not seem like it right now but it will get easier in time. I’m glad my advice could be of help to you. If you ever want advice or just someone to listen feel free to PM me.

Best of luck to you.
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