FML. f*** My Life. It has some truly messed up stories like this:

Today, my wife and I were driving to the gas station, she let me out before she pulled up to the pumps because I had to buy some things from the store. I returned to see my wife proudly filling the tank. Smiling, she told me that diesel was cheaper than regular gas. We don't own a diesel car. FML

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years sent me a text messages saying, "Don't worry I'm gonna break up with her soon. Love you." FML

Today, I got a letter from my college saying that if my tuition was not paid in the next 24 hours, I will be terminated from classes. Turns out account services has been depositing my tuition money in another student’s account whose social security number was one digit different from mine. FML

Today, I was rubbing my dog's belly. He seemed to be enjoying it, his penis "came out". My boyfriend was walking by and said "at least you turn someone on." FML

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, and she asked me if I ever get made fun of in the locker room for my small penis. FML

Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML

Today, for our 8 month anniversary, my boyfriend bought me a hideous necklace with ugly charms hanging off it. I wore it anyway and got a rash from it on the side of my neck. After seeing the rash my boyfriend accused me of having a hickey from another guy and broke up with me. FML

Today, I came home to find that my room had been ransacked. My mom comes out of no where and says that we need to have a talk. I freaked out thinking it was all the empty alcohol bottles under my bed. My mom holds up the birth control and says "I always knew you were a whore." FML

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the f*** up!". FML

Today, I was walking through Borders with my girlfriend, when we pass a girl scout cookies stand. I see a box of Samoas, my favorite, point at them, and shout, 'YEAH'. My girlfriend looks shocked. Behind the box of cookies was a five year old scout bending over, with her bottom pointed at me. FML
Dear god! I LOVE this site!!

You should have actually linked to the site you know.

But yeah, this is a fun site. Perfect for when you need some cheering up.

one of my friends told me about that site. some of them are just plain hilarious, but there are a few that are just unfortunate

DM: Yeah, shoulda woulda coulda.

Ziggy: Yeah, some of them are darn funny. I just can't help but laugh. But some of them are very messed up.

rolf love that site, whenever i need cheering up i go there and think about how great my life is compared to theirs dont bother with the messed up ones, dont wanna be sad after reading a funny one..

very entertaining but definitely doesn't belong in general... yay for crazy house!

Some things on that site are quite humerous indeed:

"Today, I finally got around to writing my Christmas cards. After finishing, I realized I had written "Happy Birthday" instead of "Merry Christmas" on every single one."
"Today, I was awakened from a peaceful sleep by my crazy ex-girlfriend, who apparently copied my key before our break up three months ago. She was on top of me, stroking my beard, whispering: “He looks like Jesus.”"

"Today, it was our 6 month anniversary. My boyfriend didn’t get me a present or take me out to dinner. Instead he cried to me about how much he hates his life while he repeatedly punched himself in the face. Then he dropped me off to spend time with his mom. FML"

some of these are almost too strange to be made up.

"Today, I interviewed for a job at a pharmaceutical lab. During the interview, I said something about a past work experience that made the interviewers think that I would enjoy doing something similar to that... so they gave me a warehouse job instead. I have a degree in chemistry and biology."

It just goes to show that you should think before you open your mouth.

"Today, a car was tailgating and honking at me while trying to pass me, so I decided to be a b**** back and go extremely slow. We got to a two lane road and the car passed me up. The man in the front seat flipped me off while pointing to his wife in the back seat who was clearly in labor. FML"

hahahaha.

"Today my boss asked to use my phone since the company pays for it. A few hours later the same boss called me into his office to fire me. Apparently the company checks the phone records and found a call made on my cell to a sex line. My boss made that call and just fired me"

Ouch. What an ass that boss was. Looks like that person should sue.

Today, I went on a plane to see my family for Christmas. Later on in the plane ride, the pilot said, "We will arrive in Brazil in 30 minutes." My family lives in North Carolina. FML

"Today, my 4 year old daughter thought it would be funny to color all my money with red permanent pen. I went to the store and gave them my money not realizing it was red. The cashier took my money and called the cops. I got to stay 48 hours in jail because they accused me of using fake money."

See? You need to keep your children away from your money at all costs.

Today, my tattoo artist boyfriend of five months gave me my first tattoo in celebration of my 18th birthday. It was supposed to be a heart with my name in script. He spelled my name wrong. FML

hahahaha

"Today, I had one more gift to buy: a copy of 'Fight Club'. I asked a person working at Best Buy if they had any in stock. The man wouldn't sell me the last copy because I had broken the first two rules."

You'll get this if you've seen the movie.
Sounds too funny to be true, but you never know.

"Today, I threw an elaborate surprise birthday party for my boyfriend of four years. He though we were going to a quiet dinner but when we arrived, thirty of his friends jumped out and surprised him. Instead of kissing me to thank me, he broke up with me because of how easily I had lied to him. FML"

Bumping this thread cause it's funny
Get more FMLs from http://www.fmylife.com/

"Today, I found out my brother blew chunks into the inside of my jeans. How did I find this out? I put them on."

"Today, I found out that my dad has been funneling money out of my account and into his. His reasoning behind this: "Back pay for having to raise your lazy ass"."

That site is pretty funny not just because it is comidical,but it is real.

"Today, my girlfriend thought it would be amusing to sneak into my room and jump me in my bed. Too bad that when she jumped, one of her knees landed on my crotch. I haven't been able to walk properly since this morning. FML"

It's hard to believe it's been a year since I posted in here. To think I've been here this long is unbelievable. It doesn't seem like I've been going here that long... time flies.

"Today, while trying to pull a nail out of some wood with a crowbar in my theatre class, my girlfriend, who was holding down the wood with her foot, thought it would be funny to move her foot and make me lose my balance. Instead, the crowbar flew up and struck me in the nuts. FML"

"Today, the guy I liked for years asked me out. I instantly said yes. As I was walking away, I forgot I was at the top of the stairs and feel down 20 steps. He stood at the top and laughed."

"Today, my boss fired me because "I didn't get the right kind of coffee beans"."

Ouch. Now for some funnier ones:

"Today, my girlfriend and I were exchanging some naughty pictures. When I was about to send one, I accidently send the picture to everybody on my contacts, including my ex, my boss, and even Pizza Hut."

"Today, I stole a bite of my boyfriend's hamburger. He threw a fit, saying I took too big a bite and I had to replace it with a new, more expensive one. Afterwards, he said how lucky I was he didn't break up with me then and there."