So, as you might know, I've had a thread on Vizzed about piercings for some time now. Because I am interested in them, and have been interested in getting facial piercings, for many many years now.

I feel that certain facial piercings would add to my appearance, and accentuate the natural symmetry and contours of my facial features. Not only that, but outwardly better express what I am interested in: art, goth/metal/punk/"alternate" subculture, fashion, post-modernism, cosmetics/aesthetics, and controlling how I present myself. I also enjoy the spiritual aspect of body modification, in terms of overcoming our fear of physical pain as a mind-expanding experience.

The piercings I want are as follows: Lower lip, the back of my tongue, and both of my nostrils. In each would be a simple titanium round stud (basically a tiny silver or gunmetal-looking ball). Each about 3 to 5 millimeters in size.

Modifications are something I like, and I feel I should have them for myself, because it's part of who I am. It's fairly important to me to be able to express myself how I please.

Yet unfortunately, my fiance absolutely abhors the mere idea of my body modifications. In fact it disgusts him so much that he told me he would be embarrassed to be seen with me, for wearing something so "juvenile and ridiculous"; and that he would no longer find me physically attractive enough to kiss me if I wore any facial jewelery.

I am at a loss for what to do in this situation. Dress and look how my partner wants me to look by his side, disregarding how I wish to present myself? Or ignore his wishes and how he feels, and get the piercings anyways? It seems like there's no way to win.

Basically I am venting and getting my thoughts out with this thread. I doubt anyone's advice will be able to resolve this issue, as it's between us.

So tell me, have you had an experience like this? Do your parents, family members or significant others bar you from getting piercings? Or similarly, dressing how you want? Dying your hair? Wearing makeup or jewelery?

In b4 first world problem.

Oh my step mom tries to make me wear bright colors and not such dark colors I love! I hate it when she tries to make me where brights I look so ugly in them! Lately though she's backed off.

Honestly, and this is speaking from personal experience, you have to be you.

You need to be comfortable in your own skin, and your partner needs to be comfortable with the decisions you make as well... to an extent. I'm not saying they have to love everything you do, but they have to at least respect it.

It sounds to me, like he's not respecting you or your choices. You want facial piercings? I say go for it. I personally am not a fan of piercings, but I would turn the other cheek if my girlfriend got some. It's her body, not mine. As such, I need to let her do what she wants.

It's not like piercings are permanent anyway. If they don't work out you can always take the stud out and let the skin flow back. It's not a huge deal. So I don't see the harm in it.

It's important to say how you feel in a relationship, and he's gotten that down, as he feels like it'd be a bad idea. However, how he's going about it is all wrong. It begs the question - why is it such a big deal to him? Who is he trying to impress?

Just do what you think is best for you. If you want piercings, get piercings. You are you. He isn't you.

I suggest reason. But if he's not going to relent on it... then make a choice based on how you feel. He's made his case known, so make yours known as well.

I think the main problem lies in his view of them... "juvenile and ridiculous"... he either doesn't understand your view and your reasons, or he has no respect for them. Either way, it's a problem. Try to have a rational conversation with him about it. Like others have said, it's your body, not his, and in the end you can do whatever you want with it. If he is so hung up on your appearance, then maybe you should rethink the relationship.

My parents banned me from getting tattoos while I lived under their roof. I've now had one for about seven years and they still have no idea since I got in in brown ink ("it's a henna tattoo, mom"). They haven't noticed it since I moved out so I've never told them.

I don't have the money for it, but I want a second tattoo, this time of a 20-sided die with the phrase "Alea Iacta Est" (the die is cast) under it. My fiance said he'd disown me if I got it, and I laughed at him. I believe he was only half serious, but it comes down to being something that I want, that I feel is a big part of me (gaming and history... the phrase is a quote from Caesar), and I plan on getting it when I can.

Well, like you said, this is something only you can figure out, and I'm sure you already know this but make sure you get this issue sorted out before you move on with your relationship. Being married isn't the time for him to get fed up with your piercing and decide to start a fight over it.

Also, perhaps you could compromise? Maybe he's not upset by the fact that you want to have piercing as much as by the number you want. I can't say for him, but for me, a nostril piercing doesn't bother me, but I feel like I would find as many as you want unattractive (Which is not to say it's a bad thing, just that it's not my cup of tea!). So maybe you can still have your piercings, and your fiancee if you tone it down? Of course, this will only work if he is fine with SOME piercings, and if you're fine with not having as many as you want.

I have discussed this with him at length and explained all my reasons for wanting piercings and why I think they look good. But he still doesn't see a good enough reason for me to have one or think any better of any body modification practices. It bothers us both that we seem to be incompatible when it comes to this one thing.

Lazlo Falconi : The one I might live without, or the one I would hold out on getting the longest until I am 'experienced' enough, at least, is a tongue piercing. The other three are like a set, in my mind. Missing one on my nose would ruin the symmetry, and not piercing my bottom lip would be the most disappointing of all.

And just to make it clear... Having these would not change how he feels about me, as a person, he just would find them really unattractive and difficult to get over. He finds the practice of piercings and tattoos (almost in their entirety) utterly stupid.

Elara : I like the sound of that, a tattoo in brown ink. The one you are planning on getting sounds really neat as well.

He sounds a bit like me, honestly, and I can kind of see where he's coming from. Perhaps with time he'll grow. I used to find tattoos extremely unattractive, and then for a while I didn't really care one way or the other about them, and these days I even find some do add to a person's overall attractiveness. Maybe some day he'll feel the same?

Personally, I think everyone should wear whatever they want but at the same time they should make it so that it looks decent on the person wearing it.

Not recently. It happened more often last year; I'll admit my mommy picked out all my clothes last year. The following year, I changed up my own style and decided on what I should and shouldn't wear to school.

I'm not a fan of piercings or such myself, but to each his/her own, I guess.
I myself have rarely been criticized for my clothing attire, either, mostly because, well, guys usually don't get their clothing criticized unless they're in costume, casual in a professional context, or dressed up as girls.

BTW, I was watching the news tonight and there was some interview with Madonna, where she says as a mother figure she'd ask the kids "Where are you going?" and "What are you wearing?"  with the obvious protective implications... except that since is Madonna we're talking about, this sounds kinda absurd and funny to think about. If I were Madonna's daughter, I'd be asking her why she could go on a stage in front of millions barely dressed, but I couldn't.

Yeah. Its called school dress code. Sucks.

Some piercings go a bit too far I'm talking about the ones that look real ugly, those african tribe kinda piercings found in national geographic magazines. Just keep it light no need to go overboard with face piercings or that could start looking real ugly. Maybe he doesn't want you looking like this:



I was told by a tattoo artist that they would not tattoo my neck or hands. My response to him was fine screw you I'll find someone who will do it and I did.

I can't say that I've ever been told I couldn't wear or do something like that, other than trying to go out in the cold with shorts on when I was younger.

Regarding tattoos, I have nothing against them. My dad brought me to get a tattoo for my 18th birthday, so he clearly doesn't mind either. I just think that people shouldn't go overboard. Like with JigSaw's picture, I have seen some people with so many tattoos they just look like a big bruise. It stops being art and expression when you can't tell one tattoo from the other. At the moment I have a yin yang on my left shoulder, and I would like to get the Hylian crest on my right forearm. I really want to get the Triforce tattooed on my left hand, but I figure that might deter some people in the professional world.

As for piercings, I don't really mind little ones, like the ones you're describing. Big hoops and dangling chains don't really do it for me. I really don't understand the tongue one though. It's not like people will see it, and I imagine it would take some getting used to for talking. I'm just curious, what's the appeal to you?


JigSaw : Holy crap. I never would have thought that your forehead had enough loose skin to get pierced that many times.

hypermonkey : I am aware that it's often not visible, and that's okay with me. I really like how it looks when you do see it while talking. I enjoy it being a subtle detail like that.

I don't know if this is obvious or not, but they're also used to "enhance" oral sex. However, this is not a motivating aspect for me, especially since my only partner doesn't really care for it.

In most cases, people get used to talking with it within a week or so.

Annette : Luckily for me, I haven't had any trouble with people telling me to dress/look a certain way. Your situation is a tough one, though, so I understand why you feel conflicted. I don't know if I am in any place to offer relationship advice, but what's important to me is being with someone who wants what I want (for the most part). I don't have any piercings or tattoos, so if my boyfriend would only find me attractive if I had piercings and tattoos, I would consider that trait to ruin our compatibility. Also, you have to ask yourself how important piercings are to you. I'd say, if they are really important to you and you feel at a loss without them, he will have to either deal with it or find another girlfriend to put it plainly. People say relationships are about compromise, and I don't know what to say about that except some compromises are just unreasonable. Depends on what you want, girl!

My mother constantly forces me to let her choose my clothing combinations. This defines "Yes."

ProGamer135 : I think that is FAR more annoying than my situation. If my mom wanted to constantly critique or pick my outfits, I'd tell her to get lost (to put it lightly). XD