So, lately I've been dealing with a HUGE problem. I don't know what to do or who to turn to. I've grown up my whole life being confused. Straight, bi, gay. My freshman year in high school I came out of the closet as gay. I've dated only a few men since then and am currently in a "gay relationship" now. I've been in this relationship for 3 years now and things are going, well, as any other relationship would I guess. But as of late I've really been being turned off by men and really attracted to women. I've been bent on the idea of having children and a family. I first realized this when I went to my friend's wedding, everything was so perfect, and then I realized she was going to be moving away. I got really sad and realized that I was going to miss her, but I looked deep into myself and found something that I didn't realize before...I had had a crush on her! I knew there was never going to be anything there so I let those feelings go, however I have been noticing women a lot more now.

I haven't been depressed since high school, but now it's all coming back to me. I stay up late at night thinking about things. I lose interest. This could also be because I'm a full time student and work two jobs, but some is due to this. I feel that I can't end my relationship of three years. Most people say I'm not happy, but I really am. It's only not my feelings towards my partner that has changed, it's my feelings towards other? I guess?. It's hard. It also feel that if I left the relationship, I would be losing everything I have and have worked so hard to get. My jobs, My school, My apartment. I wouldn't have anywhere to go, and I would just be so lost...

What do you think? Does anyone have similar stories or advice?

Well, Dear Abby would say that you should make an appointment with a counselor... actually, write to Abby! she'll clear things up!

Well when you look at men do you feel the same way or do you just disregard it

I can't understand what you are going through exactly but I have an idea.

First, never NEVER never qualify yourself as stricly gay, straight, or bi. I mentioned this in a nother thread: You are, first and foremost, a person. You aren't required to put yourself in any category that doesn't seem fit. Maybe you like men and you want to be emotionally tied to one in particular. Maybe you like men because sex with them is fun but you can't see yourself having a total relationship with them. Maybe you only want to involve yourself with women. Whatever the answer is, it's okay. Be you. Don't be gay you, bi you, or straight you. Be FF Freak with no apologies to anyone.

As to the marriage, anytime people see others really happy, those people want the same thing. My wife and I have a wonderful relationship. We're happy together, we operate as a team and we've had so many people tell us they wish they could be like us or we're very lucky. Our relationship takes a ton of work and it's hard but we make it happen. You see something like that and it's well-represented. Of course you want to do it. Every time I watch Rocky IV, I want to start boxing again and train. The same happens with relationships because acceptance from other people is the ultimate goal of every person.

I usually don't give advice but let me give you some suggestions.

1. Relax and try not to get overwhelmed when you're unsure of who you are. It takes people years to figure out who they like and who they don't like.

2. Never use the term gay, straight, bi, or anything else that identifies your sexuality. You're a human. Humans are sexual beings. I like women but that doesn't mean I want to have sex with every female. There are many women I'd never have sex with. That doesn't mean I question my desire for the female gender. You like some guys, some girls, maybe no one at the time and it doesn't change who you are. You're FF Freak, nothing else.

3. Take a break from relationships. Hang out with friends, hang out with your family, hang out with people who love you (Vizzed People!) and don't focus on your sexuality.

4. End your relationship. If you live with the guy, talk to him about exactly what you're telling us. Relationships are fun. They should be fun. If you stress about it, worry about it, stay up at night wondering and thinking, you should make a change. If your boyfriend loves you or really cares, he will understand. Write down all your feelings and let him read about them. You're showing love and respect by letting him know exactly what is going on with you. You have to communicate in a relationship and as soon as you start shutting him out of things, you're going to have problems. Be completely open and alert him to what's up. Please.

5. Life is complicated. It's hard. It's never going to be easy and you have to keep working on yourself and on your relationships to stay happy. My marriage is like a rose garden. Every day I'm pruning, weeding, picking, cutting, raking, doing all this work that sucks sometimes. But when I stand back, it's a beautiful thing. It's worth the effort. You can focus on yourself, figure out what you want and need to do, plan, and make your move.

6. It's never too late to live happily ever after.

I wrote a book here. If you want to keep talking, PM me and we'll continue this outside the thread. I'll give you my email too if you want to have more space to write in. Let me know. I'm here to listen.

I think that warmaker said most of what I was going to. I think you need to spend a little alone time and sort out everything, see what part of it is your work and school causing the stress, what part of it is your relationship, what part is your feelings of confusion. We are all here for you to talk to while you get everything unscrambled.

Thank you everyone! All of it this is really great advice. I think you're right in needing some time to myself. I just don't want to hurt anyone. That's what I'm afraid of. I know I'm still young. There's plenty of time for relationships. I just feel so behind. I see a lot of people that I graduated with having children, and keep asking myself, "Is that what I'm supposed to do?" So I've been really obsessed with the fact that I want children.

Another reason I want a kid is because of my family issues. My brother and sister both have kids, but yet they don't want anything to do with my family and so my parents and never allowed to see their grandchildren. I want to give them a grandkid that they will be able to hold, and play with and help raise. I don't want them to not experience what it is to be a g-ma/g-pa.

Well, there is always adoption, surrogacy, or becoming a foster parent. However, like you said, you are still young so I think you should hold off on that kind of stuff until you are certain that you are in a financially and emotionally stable place where you could afford to raise a child.

I know how you feel there though... I think that seven of my friends are pregnant or just had a kid right now and it really does trigger the biological desire to reproduce. I know that I am not in a situation where it is a good idea, but the feeling is still there and it drives me nuts. I can only imagine how much more confusing it must be for you.

If I were in your shoes, I'd do something like this.

Talk to your partner.

I agree with a lot of warmaker's advice, however, I disagree with #4. Every relationship has it's rocky times, but that's okay. Tell him how you feel. He may be a little angry or confused at first, but, in time...Let's just say that it turns out that you all of a sudden feel strictly heterosexual urges. Would your partner prefer for you to lie and keep this secret from him or would you rather get this off of your chest now and that way the both of you can move on.

I am in a slightly similar situation. I recently discovered my true feelings for my best friend - I love her. However, she is so happy with our friendship and reminds me how sad she'd be if things became awkward between the two of us so I'm currently stuck somewhere in the middle. Do I just throw these feelings away? Do I tell her? Do I just wait and see if perhaps our feelings are mutual (I'm trying this method btw)?

When it comes down to it, honesty really is the best policy. In your case, I'd just back up a little from the situation. Free your mind of all of these thoughts. Find out who you are.

i think you should stop trying to be what you see everyone else as and focus on being yourself and being comfortable with yourself
Now from first hand experiences with both sexes i can give you more advice through PM's

I'm guessing you are gay, but you want to love women so you can start a family. Adopt some children. That's what most people do.

Do whatever you feel in your heart that will make you happy. Most people in the world won't give two shakes what your orientation is and hopefully you will be a good parent. Just raise a good kid and that should make you happy.