I'm not quite sure what to say, how to say it, or where I wanted to place this thread, but it's something that I've been meaning to talk about for a long period of time.

Last night, I celebrated four years with my girlfriend. Anyone who knows me well knows how big of a deal that is for me. It's my longest relationship, and it's the first one I've had where I've ever made a mistake that didn't destroy it. I have a variety of theories for why I make those mistakes, but that's not the point.

We're planning on getting married some time later this year (no, we didn't just decide this last night, in essence, we have been engaged for like half a year) and it's kind of just hit me how special what I have really is.

Yesterday was when it became crystal clear that what I was doing was 100% the right thing. I heard her on the phone talking to someone related to our apartment or something, I wasn't really eavesdropping, so I don't know the specifics. She'd used the word "fiancé" to describe me, and it made me feel really happy. Happy isn't the best word for it, but I lacked a better one. Excited? Surprised? Elated? I know many words, but the happiness I felt was a completely new feeling, one that I'd never actually known before. Once I know the word, I'm sure I'll feel it more.

Point is, these feelings that have been evoked in me are new, and I continue to feel the same way about her that I did four years ago. So I know it's right this time.

Some people who know me (the number is lesser and lesser each year) knew I was briefly engaged to someone else, but that whole thing fell apart. The contrast between what I felt then and now are totally different. Love shouldn't feel trapping. It should feel liberating. Like this.

I never been engaged let alone in a relationship longer than a month or two. So major congrats to you! I didn't know you were engaged before... interesting. What do you mean by love should not feel trapping? Could you give example of what happened so others know before getting married to the wrong person

Congratulations on your engagement and I wish you both many years of happiness.

JigSaw :

In my past relationship, I felt like there were too many expectations about who I had to be, or what I had to do, and there was always this feeling of losing myself, of feeling suffocated.

It's hard to really describe in detail, because it really did feel terrible. Anyone who feels trapped probably knows exactly what I mean. It's like losing an identity, one you don't feel like losing.

Meanwhile, in this relationship, I don't feel like I'm expected to be anything but the best I can be. I don't feel like I'm losing myself, I feel like I'm gaining parts to myself. I don't feel suffocated, I feel warm.

I wish there was a better way to describe it.

I have never been in a relationship (I totally need to do something about this), but you describe the kind of relationship I'd like to be in. I always feel emotional whenever my friends express what I mean to them; due to what life was gifted me with, knowing how strong my bond is with those close to me makes everything worth it. 

I think I know what you mean of losing yourself and gaining parts to yourself. I had a small group of friends in school that were absolute opposites of me, we barely shared any taste and the only thing we had in common was that we didn't get along with the "masses", so we grouped together. I stormed off from that group one day because it led me nowhere, and while I was mostly alone, I felt more like myself and I could actually move forward and make myself a better person in my own way.

It proved to be the correct move in the years to come. Now I have a nice group of friends that, while still not exactly my kind of people, we get along very well, I can freely be the freak of the group yet still be an invaluable asset. I am free to be myself, and my friends actually encourage me to be myself even if I drift away from them because, over anything else, they want me to be happy and full of energy. I feel liberated, no burden on my shoulders weighs me down and that's what keeps me going no matter the odds.

I wish you both the best. I hope we see a suited up zebra around the site later this year xD

So I'm terrible about keeping up with people but uh

I'm married now. So that's a thing that happened.

Nice to see your married now, hope you two live happy lives!

Congrats dude. I noticed this in one of your other posts and began hunting for clues lol.

Also good luck.

Congratulations! Very big announcement you had there.

Hope you had a great wedding, and here’s to a wonderful marriage!

As a gift, I’ll give you enough Viz to cover a toaster, which I know you need.

My God Leggy, that's absolutely heart-warming. I still recall chatting with you during your bouts of depression.