Why the title: I've been telling you all my stepfather has ALS. Since October or November 2015. Now today, his conditions are so badly that he wants to 'end his life legally' (there was a term for that but idk which one) next month. I feel really depressed over this and i don't know how to handle this.

I've been inactive for a while, i know. This entire situation is a reason, and another reason is that i'm busy with things. Things to help me not think about my stepfather's ALS, but i can't avoid it anymore. And a very good friend i've met on Vizzed (talking about Luigi442Wii now) was feeling really suicidal and still hasn't came on yet. And that worries me sick too. I just don't feel like being here these days.

I want to apologize too. I'm a really bad person and i've done things in real life and in Discord servers that were not okay. To be honest, i don't even deserve being a Trusted Member in here. I've realized this because i've hurt multiple people and wanted to make things better with them but couldn't. I want to be acceptable again.

Sorry.

We all have to find our purpose here on Earth. We all struggle with problems and diseases and those can take various forms. For me, it's both mental and physical. I struggle with Schizophrenic symptoms along with ADD, memory loss and Asperger's Syndrome. I have serious physical weakness that was brought on by poor life choices. People may ask, "How in the world can you stay positive?". The answer to that is that I love life and have purpose. In any measure that I abandon that purpose, I become more depressed. I've been suicidal a number of times, and even have grown violent on occasion. But I'm not that way now because I've acted in such a way that my heart has changed. Without that I would be dead by now.

I found my happiness. It took work even to find it. But through positive effort, I can access it anytime. Now, I might not always be happy. But I can retain a measure of it through that effort, and my overall happiness is expanded.

Isn't this now more than the first time you've apologized for 'being a bad person' and all that?  At some point, just saying sorry and trying again isn't enough.  You have to actually be a better person to make up for what you did in the past.  It's that simple.  Stop telling us you feel bad about it and start acting like you want to change.

Try that.

And also, I don't think anyone on earth loves any diseases.  That seems a little ice cold to me if someone says, "Wow, Ebola is super cool."  

Ultimately, if you don't want to be around, go do other more important things.  No one is keeping score here (or at least I'm not).  If I see you, there you are.  If not, I'm sure real life crops up and you need to go deal with other stuff.

Go deal with that other stuff.

So uh, hi all. I never expected to have returned so quickly. Well... Quickly... I've been too busy with therapies. Peck, i don't even remember when i left. I think... Last year August? Lemme tell y'all what happened ever since the Discord server was destroyed and i decided to abandon Vizzed:

Until December 2018, i was roaming around in places until i found a Minecraft server, EDawg878. It was a creative server with, as they said, "nice and non-toxic people". Well that wasn't true, because everyone was against me after finding out i was transgender. Of which btw, i still am transgender. Just haven't gotten ANYWHERE. Anyway, i got permanently banned for "inappropriate behaviour" just because i said my sexuality is bi and my gender is a secret for them. So i went to a new place, a Discord server called BOOP. I joined it in February 2019, and had the time of my life. Peck, i even had a crush on a girl in there. She accepted my feelings and we became a couple. But i found out she wasn't as sweet as i thought, and soon after i told her about the rumours, she sent me inappropriate pictures of herself and told everyone i asked for them. That's where i got hated even more. Luckily, she was banned from BOOP by then because of the rumours. I then abandoned BOOP and went roaming again until September 2019. But then BOOP got deleted as soon as i went back, because the owner got banned for false stuff. 2000 members were separated. Then i got banned in a roleplaying server made by an ex-friend of mine, which hurt me the most. Not to forget that since April this year, i moved to a new therapy place for a long time. And things get out of hand here. Like hardcore

One positive thing tho: My social skills are better, i am more active on YouTube, i even am working on a mod for a retro game. And i'm healing from my depression. But most of all: I always am optimistic and positive.

I hope i can stay now. If you want to talk to me on Discord, i abandoned my KutieKim account. So... yeah, Cocozumi64#0148 is my new account.

So uh, hi all. I never expected to have returned so quickly. Well... Quickly... I've been too busy with therapies. Peck, i don't even remember when i left. I think... Last year August? Lemme tell y'all what happened ever since the Discord server was destroyed and i decided to abandon Vizzed:

Until December 2018, i was roaming around in places until i found a Minecraft server, EDawg878. It was a creative server with, as they said, "nice and non-toxic people". Well that wasn't true, because everyone was against me after finding out i was transgender. Of which btw, i still am transgender. Just haven't gotten ANYWHERE. Anyway, i got permanently banned for "inappropriate behaviour" just because i said my sexuality is bi and my gender is a secret for them. So i went to a new place, a Discord server called BOOP. I joined it in February 2019, and had the time of my life. Peck, i even had a crush on a girl in there. She accepted my feelings and we became a couple. But i found out she wasn't as sweet as i thought, and soon after i told her about the rumours, she sent me inappropriate pictures of herself and told everyone i asked for them. That's where i got hated even more. Luckily, she was banned from BOOP by then because of the rumours. I then abandoned BOOP and went roaming again until September 2019. But then BOOP got deleted as soon as i went back, because the owner got banned for false stuff. 2000 members were separated. Then i got banned in a roleplaying server made by an ex-friend of mine, which hurt me the most. Not to forget that since April this year, i moved to a new therapy place for a long time. And things get out of hand here. Like hardcore

One positive thing tho: My social skills are better, i am more active on YouTube, i even am working on a mod for a retro game. And i'm healing from my depression. But most of all: I always am optimistic and positive.

I hope i can stay now. If you want to talk to me on Discord, i abandoned my KutieKim account. So... yeah, Cocozumi64#0148 is my new account.